Where Were We a Year Ago...

Well, today's the day - we have been here for a year now.

(It's a long post -so I hope it won't bore you to tears)

Wednesday, I talked to Lora - she in turn talked to my parents - I had been praying for guidance. Things were getting worse and worse - and Dan was getting bolder in his statements and his actions - I just didn't want to overreact. So Lora and my folks fasted and prayed that I would get clarity - I was praying the same thing, but neither of us knew it.

Friday morning, I signed the divorce papers - then came the call from the women's shelter - warning me to get out. Though I have family/friends who still act as though I took it too far - there was no doubt in my mind that the woman at the shelter thought there was a problem!
Dan the Ogre had evil plans for us, so I called all three schools, asked the principals to sequester my kids, told my boss I was going to have to go, cleaned out my desk at work and then went to get the kids. On the way I stopped at the house, even though I wasn't supposed to, and picked up a change of clothes for all of us. I picked up the kids sent Bear in the car to the lake with the boys. I calle dthe police to see if they were investigating the report that the Ogre meant to harm us - apparently in Tippecanoe County you actually have to kill your wife before the police believe you are a threat to her and no contact orders don't mean much. I checked on the dogs, hated to leave them, but didn't see any other choice, so I made sure they were secure in the yard.

When I got to the lake, my dad was oiling his shotgun - here is my father, former CFO and football star, oiling his rifle. It was awful - we hid the van in the garage so that if the Ogre came looking for us, it was hidden. When the van was moved, I realized that I had put my family at risk and there was no longer a choice - I had to go. Friday night I didn't sleep at all - I talked to Justin - but what do you say - hi there, I am thinking of thrusting my entire life on you?

Saturday, we went to the house early, my folks manned the yard with a shotgun, a couple of our friends came over to help pack up after I had gotten a storage space. I remember vividly talking to the lady at the storage area - and it pained me to have to sign his last name .

Sunday was more of the same, it was hot, there were a lot of boxes, lots of things we just couldn't keep. How in the hell do you pack up your whole life in two days? We moved what we could into storage and I left a lot of things at the house - sure that they would never be seen again. At dusk, I sent the kids home with my folks and loaded all my ducks in a trailer. THe summer before I had mae a portable pen to portect them while they were little - now it was full of 18 loud ducks unhappy about being loaded into a trailer. I drove out to Attica - about 45 minutes - to my friend Beth's house and dropped off the ducks. Her dad had a pond and at least I liked him and knew he wouldn't eat them- I hated to give them up but there really wasn't much choice. Came back and picked up my dogs to take them to board in the morning.

Sunday afternoon I had a flat on the van - so we had to get it fixed. Just another joy in the move. Monday morning came early - I had decided to take the pups with me, but wasn't' sure how I would get Bear and Scout and Rosie ... but for now we had to get safe and away. Bear drove one car, I drove the other, packed with whatever we thought we would need for the next couple of weeks. We lived out of those suitcases for the next six months. When we were close, I called Justin for directions to his house, but he had made arrangements for us to stay at a motel suite for a couple of weeks.

When we got there, we felt safe - the room was clean and he had paid for the first week. The relief at seeing him again was overwhelming - he was happy we were there - he didn't look like someone who was unhappy about having his life change dramatically. Here we felt safe. I was happy and sad all at once - happy to be safe - and sad that it had to be at the expense of what was becoming a great relationship. It had only been a month since he said he loved me - and that isn't very long.

The next few days were a blur- feeling scared and shocked that we had actually pulled up roots and moved out entire lives - no more football season, no more Catholic School, no more West Lafayette - it was sad - we were sad, and yet the sun kept coming up each morning and we could finally get some sleep at night. I went to Mass and saw Father Patty - the same priest who blessed our house a couple of weeks ago. Each day things have become a little more normal.

It has been a year - and I miss home - I miss Purdue games - and small town football, and going to church with my folks on Sunday in Logansport, and seeing all my cousins and aunts and uncles, I miss Uncle Herman and Aunt Angele and the funny sandwiches they bring to family parties, and Indiana Beach and floating down the river and seeing my friends and a dozen other things about Indiana. It is nice here, people are kind here, we have spent the last year starting over - my life is good and I hope that eventually it will be home for me - but today, in the midst of being thankful I'm homesick. But more importantly, I am healing - I am not enraged anymore, I am not scared (mostly) anymore and my life has been restored in a fashion that rivals the Trials of Job.