The difference in a decimal point

I apologize in advance - this is sad, and I am hoping that writing about it will help my heal... but it doesn't feel like it yet.

I have spent the past two weeks worrying and checking and giving injections and making vet trips for our two baby goats, Bubba and Little Bit. By Thursday of last week they were looking much better - and short of a little congestion in the upper part of the lungs, they were nearly back to normal. Justin posted pictures of them that were taken that day - and they looked great.

I followed the directions I had been given by the vet to wait until they were feeling better and then worm them. If they have worms, it can tax the immune system, making it harder for the pneumonia to clear up. Thursday night I gave them both the wormer - Friday morning they were barely breathing and by Saturday evening both goats were gone.

When we got them to the vet on Friday - we discovered that the first vet who sent home the wormer used the wrong type - and worse, that he gave us 1.5 ml instead of 0.15 ml - my babies got 10 times the normal dose and it poisoned them to death.

I had no way of knowing - and unfortunately, I thought the wormer was benign - I have looked up all the other medicines they are taking on the Purdue Vet school site - but not the wormer. I think I typed that hoping it would help me feel absolved - but I don't yet.

I was really angry with God for taking them - for letting me love them so much and then taking them away so soon, But we came to an understanding during Mass, at least if they were only to be on this earth a short time, they were with people who loved them and cared for them. Little consolation - but being angry with God is like being angry with my husband - he loves me and takes care of me over and over again - I need him and Him way to much to stay angry.

Last night I buried them in the yard, with a peach tree to mark the spot. I cannot begin to describe how heartbreaking this is...