I have been fighting this feeling deep down - one that I haven't felt in a long time. After we had been here a month, I felt safe here - like the horror that chased us here couldn't find us. Then about two weeks ago, a bill came from my old clinic - and it was addressed to me at the current address - maybe that was the trigger. If enough people were careless, the Ogre could get our address.
For the last five days I have been having flashes - waking up at night and walking the house again, worried that the locks might not be safe - worried that my kids are at risk - worried that he might find us - or worse, that he already has.
Maybe the trigger was the guy who came to the house a couple of weeks ago - asking Jake if he could go down to the creek and look for snakes. He was in a uniform and it made me wonder if he was from teh DNR - or if he was a PI that the Dan the Ogre contracted to find us. Does the DNR send folks out to private property? Was it some guy from a local university - or was it someone snooping around? I don't know, but my instincts tell me something isn't right.
I haven't said anything - mostly because I don't have enough sense to worry the people around me when I probably should - but today, Jerra told me that she has been having nightmares about Dan again. They started about the same time mine did - and two sets of intuition are probably not wrong.
So if you are reading this, Dan, or your buddy in Estes Park has figured out how to find us - know that there are several loaded guns with in our home which we will gladly use to protect ourselves if necessary. My husband has a handy collection of knives and a copy of the restraining order against you is filed at the local police department and you are not welcome here - as I have said plainly before. I feel angry - and violated that a thought of you and your hateful words even casts a shadow on the life I have now - but such is the aftermath of the emotional and physical abuse that you put the kids and I through- the scars are so strong...
5 comments:
I hope it's not what you think. You have whatever support I can offer though, of course.
But - do you think maybe these thoughts, both in yourself and your kid, are perhaps simply an expression of you being in an alient enviromnent? You've had a rough time in the past, and now you have found true love and happiness. You weren't used to that in the past, so your mind and emotions are still finding a way to adjust. Perhaps these fears are simply your body's way of finally purging your old life: once you come through this and realise it's all ok, you can truely let yourself be happy forever...
I'm here if you need me!
Ian - you have no idea how much I wish that were the case...
If the wors happens, you need a place to escape, you can bring the whole tribe up to L'Maison de Kern. We have enough couches and futons to go around.
I hope you are just overreacting, but being prepared like you are is smart.
Don't panic...but I believe in your "gut feelings". As a woman...I know men don't understand what this is. It is something God gave us...because he knew we had to keep our kids safe, and the Hubby CAN'T ALWAYS be around to protect us. If you haven't already...you must tell your son to avoid anyone if you or Justin aren't there. Fear can be a good thing when the threat is real. Go with your gut.
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