Enough

This weekend the hubby rented "Enough" for me - with Jennifer Lopez. Parts of it were hauntingly familiar - especially the discussion about men and their needs and how the abuser can see fit to have affairs indiscriminately and the wife is supposed to just take it in stride. I'll never forget the conversation with the Ogre - after I found out that he had filed for divorce, he came to me and said he'd be willing to continue to date me - but that we just shouldn't be married because he wanted to continue to see the other women he as already seeing. Oh yea, there is some seriously messed up logic there.

The other interesting thing about the movie was that it offered me another perspective - the Ogre has not come looking for us to the best of my knowledge. After I told him I had remarried in April - the e-mails and phone messages stopped. Perhaps I have finally been deemed as tainted and he no longer wants us. I hope with all of my heart that is true. We have a no contact order - so I can't exactly call and ask him.

I decided that there was some merit to the idea of turning the tables a bit - though probably not to the same extreme that Jennifer Lopez had to in the movie - I think I need to find out what is going on with him - if he has started over a new life. I had asked a friend to make some phone calls - but since I haven't heard back - I can only assume I will need to try some other friends for information. I have decided to figure out how much of a threat still exists - want to try to make some decisions about preparedness and precautions. I have been irritated all along by well-meaning folks who are sure that he has gotten on with his life - but these people didn't live with him - and listen to him recount wrongs done ( real and imagined) by former wives - things that were done ages ago and he held onto that anger and hurt and always was looking for a way to strike back. I think these same opinions are based on rational thought - and he doesn't do rational thought when it comes to issues with women. I was the only one to stand up to him - to call the police - to wait and settle in court instead of just skulking away. I haven't caved in - and since this is a different situation, I cannot use historical behavior to project what he might do.

There is also the factor of his brother - a not very stable man who told me to my face that he'd be happy to off me for the cost of a dime bag. Same guy hits his wife and threatened me when I tried to move my things out of the house. He scares me - almost as much as the Ogre - and it would not shock me if he were willing to continue the search for us - just out of spite - or whatever family dishonor I brought by agreeing to divorce his no good brother.

A part of me wants to just ignore this - since it is the past - and let it go away. But it was that desire to push it out of my mind that put me in the position of such shock last week. I don't want to do that again. I want to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best and I haven't done a very good job with this particular thing. There are things to be done - an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, you know.