Have you ever had a friend that you are just dying to be totally honest with? I have a girlfriend who is in a relationship with someone who is sucking the life out of her - honestly, I have seen it take its toll every year. I have another friend who had to decide between what is and what could be. A part of me wishes I could give both of them what courage I have and help them along a new path. But we can't make other peoples lives the way we want them. The maternal instinct pushes me to try to help soothe the hurt and fix it. I know from my own experience that broken hearts mend, but the scarring from years lived with someone who doesn't help you grow can be so deep. I have someone who truly loves me, and there are still moments were I react to him disproportionately because of an old and deep scar. I guess only he can decide if dancing around my scars is worth it for him. I have to remember that abuse is a part of my story and of course taints my perception of what goes on in my friends' lives.
I wonder what kind of person I am professing to being if I don't encourage someone to make the most of their marriage - if I encourage them to look at other options. I don't believe in divorce - but apparently I have added my own caveat: unless there is abuse or adultery.
Sometimes there are things that just cannot be fixed. Physical abuse is so easy to see - it is the emotional abuse - the name calling, lack of physical intimacy, disparaging comments and the control over even trivial aspects life that are much more difficult to discern.
Both of these women are in my thoughts today. Reading notes from them over the past week has just made me cry at the difficulties they face. It is just so sad to see people with tender hearts struggle so much - and feel like they have so few choices. And all I can really do is offer a prayer and an ear to listen while I hope they find the answers they need.
Courage and Strength don't come from assessing your own abilities, they come from taking risks and proving to yourself that you can do it despite your abilities.
2 comments:
I know what you mean, however I think sometimes divorces are needed. You can't change a person who doesn't want to change, and when you can't be happy unless they change. The longer the bad relationship goes the worse it will get... Someimes I want to tell people don't marry her, or just leave him. Just being there is not enough to make it work.
Herumph...*sigh*... It sucks to see someone you care about hurting.
It's funny, baby - not funny Ha Ha - I posted on the same thing. It's odd how this gets to us.
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