Cowardly venting

I really should have more fortitude and for once - well twice - in my life I should stand up to this man - but he just PISSES me off to no end and I don't think I would like what comes from my mouth.

Today I received an e-mail from a non-custodial parent who shall remaining nameless because I love my son. Anyway, this person is now remarried and has a new family. He left - not me - and left while I was 8 months pregnant. I was never good enough - whatever. I remember clearly my daughter saying that we should never let another man into our house after he was gone. She was 9. I have my reasons for bitterness, but time and time again I have tried to be kind to him. I drive whenever possible for visitation, I reduced the child support to a fair level when I realized how much of his check was coming to me, I say only nice things about him and his family in front of my son, I try to be polite even when he is being ridiculous.

This summer, I drove 9 hours, dropped the son off at his house for five weeks and discussed in several e-mails that he would need to drop the child off with my parents in the week preceding the Fourth of July weekend so that we didn't have to stop in Indy on the way home. It was both as a time-saver since we were driving two cars back - and to enable my folks to have a couple of days with all three kids. This is not asking much since I have made four trips to Indiana - he has made 0 here, despite the offer to cover a hotel for his family over the holidays.

I have apologized for our situation, it was not my idea of a good time to uproot the family, go broke and jobless, leave all of our friends,lose half my stuff and end up in the South. But that is what happened. I made the best of it, God has blessed us unreasonably and I am not arguing with him. Continually blaming me for taking the child to another state is not helping mend anything.Prominsing him over the phone that you are sending his birthday present - then never sending it - shitty thing to do to a kid - I bought a video game and told him it was from his father - it wasn't but I didn't want him to feel forgotten. He called to tell his dad thanks - I never got a thank you or go to hell - anything from the dad. Allowing his wife to yell that I am a bitch repeatedly in the background while we have a conversation doesn't' spread any goodwill. Telling me that it is fine to make arrangements with my folks ( something we have done before) and then complaining about it - childish. Telling me that I cannot use the insurance you have for him - when mine had lapsed - because you think it will raise your insurance bill ( WTF???) so that I had to pay $650 in prescriptions over two months while not employed- hell, that ought to get him father of the year. They are prescriptions you idiot - he has to have them, you know EPILEPSY??? Geez, wake up.

I have spent nearly ten years raising the child alone because he left - and it has not been easy - there was brain surgery, hundreds of neurological tests, prescriptions, ADHD, teacher conferences every quarter, and an unbelievable number of little things that go on when you manage a child with neurological problems. I am thankful for every moment I have with him - he is a joy - but I am tired of the complaining. Truth is that if you want to be involved in every aspect of your child's day to day life - you should stay with his mother. I'm doing what I can to make the child accessible - and he is just complaining.

Loner rule- Don't complain and whine about something unless you have a solution for me or an alternative plan. I don't have time for whining - I have three kids, full time job, house, husband and an array of pets that require my time. I am so done with this. A part of me wanted to e-mail back and just tell him that would be the last time I drop off - that from now on he can make the trip here - tried that in Arizona, he came out once in two years.

And as I try to get the red out of my cheeks before I scare the crap out of my patients - I remember why I am so glad he left - so glad I didn't waste the rest of my life with someone who constantly finds ways to be as nasty as he can. So to the blogland I'll vent - hey buddy, you don't deserve your son - you need to stop disrespecting his mother - Bite me big fella.