What Kind of Mother am I?

I was reading my buddy Wash-Lady's blog this morning and oddly enough she was talking about parenting - something that has been on my mind of late.

First, I have been thinking about it because I have had a week without kids - and frankly, I am not designed to be without the kids for very long. I keep walking through their rooms, adjusting their things because I miss them.

Secondly, my kids are staying with other relatives/friends so I have been receiving some input about their behavior. Not all of it I am thrilled about. For some reason, perhaps it is the years of single parenting, my family/friends sometimes cross the line, criticizing my kids for who they are instead of criticizing their actions. I don't think they are an emotional mess, or they are lazy, or argumentative or lacking in self control. I want them to be social and funny and talkative - it will help them maneuver and adapt - oh wait, it already has.

So what kind of parent am I? I like James Dobson myself - I have spanked my kids, though they are a little old for that now. Errors made innocently are forgiven, but I do expect respect, and errors made in defiance are punished swiftly. Truthfully, I see my job as loving the kids, giving them guidance direction so they can live on their own and allowing them room to make mistakes while living with me - as opposed to going off to college unparented to make those mistakes. I wanted my kids to wait as long as possible before complicating their lives with sex and dating - of course I did, those were big problem areas for me. I expect them to take care of themselves, to some degree. They will balk at picking up - but when it comes down to it, the kids can cook, get themselves to bed, wash their own clothes - and manage to get themselves to school most days long after I have left for work.

When I took them for counseling after we had do move and leave everything, my daughter ran through all the drama that has taken place in our lives. He said she was very well adjusted. Of course they are - we talk the living tar out of everything, I don't have any secrets from them and since I have battle scars and faults, they are allowed to as well.

While I am not proposing that they are something special, I am saying that the goals I had for the kids are being met. We don't have a rigid schedule - how could I when my schedule varied and then we added in the factors of play practice and football practice? More importantly, I am not that organized, I am doing the best I can - and if it is working for me - and working for the kids, why do other people think their criticisms are helpful. I don't' understand why having kids who are doing well in school and have friends isn't enough? Some things don't vary much like the routine at bedtime, my need to kiss them all goodbye and tell them I love them, my need to screen what they are watching on TV, and getting to Mass on the weekends. Yep - sometimes these things fall through the cracks, but these are the things I do consistently and they are much more important than who took out the trash.

Maybe there are some moms who can do it all - have a rigid schedule - have a great love life - clean house and a full time job. I figured something had to give - so fussing about the house is the first thing. When they are grown, they will not remember how many times I polished the wood, but they will remember sitting out on the swing until we fell asleep, Laughing over dinner on the porch while we watched the fireflies, cuddling up on the couch watching movies, hanging out in the yard watching me dig something else out of the garden.

So what kind of mother am I? I am a blessed mother, blessed with three very different and wonderful children who have taught me a lot about life, about truth and about how very much a life is improved by love.