Eavesdropping on what women talk about in the lunchroom

I have spent a lot of time lately talking to other women at work - seems it comes more easily when you are newly married - brings back good memories for people. There were several things that kept coming up over and over again and I thought I'd share - though Iwote this from a woman's perspective, most of these things apply to both men and women.

1. Women are not stupid. Just because I don't flaunt all of my degrees, or certifications or the fact that I only missed one my SATs and 10 on my MCATS - does not mean that I am not intelligent. I have learned in my socialization that most men are put off by intelligent women - especially if they have a genius IQ. That is not a lesson that goes by the wayside easily. We are forced to be overly nice and helpless in some social situations (think getting help at the hardware store) lest we be branded "bitches" --- so have the sense to know who we really are.

2.Please remember that men and women tend to be wired differently, thinking with opposite sides of the brain - but using the brain just the same. Just because something does not make sense to you, doesn't mean it is not logical. If a woman had that good sense to do some research and consult other women or other authorities in a particular area - don't diminish her decisions (see #3)

3. Choose your battles with a woman - if there is a genuine problem that is interfering with your ability to function, have a solution or two to go with your criticism - otherwise you become a part of the problem rather than the solution. Think for a moment that the way someone sets up the kitchen or arranges the bathroom is based on what they thought would work. If you weren't around to give input when things were unpacked, you can offer suggestions but do not say -"I just don't like it" or "It doesnt' makes sense." Any good parent knows that if you offer a substitution or a diversion or another way of doing something you are likely to get the results you desire.

4. Show respect. You may have a fancier job title, but most women hold a full time job plus maintain the household and childrearing responsibilities. I don't work a 60 hour week because I have another full time job at home. Don't even for one minute diminish the fact that she has worked all day, checked homework and still managed to get your underwear washed and dinner on the table. If things run late, the dishes aren't done or you see dirt on the floor that needs to be swept, don't freaking wait to be asked, pitch in even if it isn't your job.

5. Never yell in anger at a woman. First of all, it is just rude. If you are miffed or inconvenienced, control your temper and resist the urge to be an ass. Women are much like flowers - if you give us rain and sunshine and the nutrients we need to grow - we will bloom and open ourselves to you in ways you cannot even imagine. We will go out of our way to do nice things for you - even if you don't really deserve it. If you hail down anger and negativity on us we will wither - becoming a dark and cold presence in your home.

6.Try to learn the nature of a woman - does she need dirt, paint, clay, pen and paper - what feeds her soul? Feeding this helps her be happy - which in turns helps her spread that happiness to you. It is in your best interest.

6. Stop what you are doing and listen. I don't care if she has said the same thing fifteen times - a woman who loves you and wants to share her heart with you deserves five minutes of your time uninterrupted. This means you stop typing or reading whatever is on the computer, or ask her to wait until the commercial if you just can't turn the TV off. If you ask her what is wrong and she say "nothing" this is a bad sign. Be especially well behaved until she is ready to talk about it.

7. Don't ever think for one moment that a woman loves you too much to leave you. The divorce rate is over 50%. Most relationships are reciprocal - if you aren't busy trying to keep her, she may not be able to see how valuable she is to you - or worse, she may not think you love her. Frankly, the woman is working her ass off, you need to let her know she is important to you- or someone else who is lonely and in need of a good woman will.