Ode to Jacob, my favorite Jacob in the world

The seizures started when he was still just a baby. The very first time, I didn't know what had happened. He was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden he looked at me, panic stricken , an rolled off the couch. His lips were blue, eyes rolled back in his head and his little Michelin-man arms were flexed close to his body. He started to breathe again, but it seemed to take forever. When we got to the emergency room, the doctor told me I was mistaken, that it was not a seizure and that I was overreacting. He looked fine - so I thought perhaps I was mistaken, after all Psych nursing was my specialty, not neurology.

By the time he turned two, we were preparing to move to our new home, my first real home, complete with fireplace and hardwood floors. The first event was long forgotten, until the boys were chasing one another across the floor and he looked up at me again with those big blue eyes, panic stricken. ONly this time I knew what was happening. He fell to the floor like a dead weight, face turning blue. I held him in my arms and did rescue breathing until he started breathing on his own. Jerra called the paramedics, and by the time they got to the house he was post-ictal, disoriented but cheerful.

This began the path of a hundred trips to Riley Hospital in Indianapolis, and EEGs, Cat Scans, MRIs,EKGs, neurology clinics and lots of questions. I held his little arms countless times as they tried to find his little veins to do more bloodwork. They could not figure out what was wrong with him -there was always the sense that they thought I was making it up for attention. As a single mom with three kids, I had plenty of stress, I didn't need any more attention.

The tides changed when we went for yet another CAT scan to recheck. The radiologist, whose name I still don't know to this day mentioned that when the seizures had stopped, I should see and ENT doctor to get the nasal polyps removed from his nose. He asked if Jake snored, he did. Ever since the seizure started, I had put him in bed with me so that I could wake up and check him periodically throughout the night.

Six months later I took him to see the ENT who removed Bear's tonsils. He took one look up Jake's nose and said " Oh my gosh, take a look!" I looked and there was what looked like a large red grape inside his right nostril. Another CAT scan later, I got the call from the ENT doctor:

"I just got off the phone with the neurosurgeon, your son will have surgery as soon as possible"

Obviously there is more to the story, but Jacob endured 52 stitches and six hours of brain surgery to correct a hole in the sphenoid bone that left brain tissue in his sinuses. He has some atrophy in his frontal lobe as a result of the surgery. He has to take seizure and ADHD medicine every day. He never complains.

More importantly, he is one of those souls who doesn't know a stranger, he loves everyone and fears very little. He has a soft heart and cannot understand it when someone is mean to him because that is so very foreign to his nature. He always kisses me hello, he likes to hold my hand, he is kind to people - hugging folks and making them feel genuinely welcome. He is a blessing each and every day - even when I have to remind him fifteen times to do something. He is a hard worker and someday will make some woman a great husband because he is a kind soul and those are few and far between in this world.

So for the blessing of this child, to a mother who is hardly worthy of such a blessing, I thank you, Lord. He brings me joy and shows me Your love every day.