I discovered some time ago to trust my instincts. Occasionally some fleeting thought will come to me and I have found that if I follow that, my life turns out better. The same is true for my instincts about people. This sounds odd considering my past history with men - well truthfully , the Ogre got in under the radar. If you have a person who is very skilled at deception - even to the point to deceiving themselves into believing they are a good Christian man - I think that person could get in under the radar - I consider it a glitch.
I have found myself lately feeling overly protective about my daughter. This is difficult because I trust her, but I also see some of myself in her and I am concerned about her choices. Mostly as this pertains to men. Unfortunately, I have been dating since I was about 13. Early on I was blessed by some , well, overly testosteroned but otherwise nice guys. If I had to choose, I would let guys like these date my daughter. They had good families, they were active in church, they had aspirations and plans to go to college.
Somewhere along the way, things changed for me. It involved a certain Italian who just broke my heart and my spirit, and it took me almost 20 years to recover. But I digress - though I actually had a point. I am concerned because I know that falling for the wrong man - can change the course of your whole life and worse, it can change how we perceive ourselves.
The instinctive part of me has the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. I have this image in my mind of one particular person saying" well, you know that is how predators work. They go after the weakest one because that is the most likely to fall". We were talking about the ducks, but the consistency of sexually tinged conversation made it clear that the predator was not in fact the neighbors cat. Comments have been made that are not appropriate in polite conversation. Do I think he has aspects of his personality which give him the potential to be a good friend - absolutely, but those are not the aspects governing his life right now. Worse is the fact that I just cannot convince the girls that I know this kind of man - hell, I've slept with this kind of man before - the kind who lulls you into complacency because you think he has accepted you refusal of his bed and decided to just be your friend. There is always a climactic event - where he drugs you, or you are too drunk, or to comfortable or worse, start to believe he actually loves you - and bad things happen. It astounds me that people who have seen him get one girl pregnant and then sleep with another girl would believe his motives are pure - or that he is worried about his ego. He isn't, he is just trying another method - if he can't convince you by his prowess, he will seduce you with his charm. I have seen this trick - I have been a victim of this trick and unfortunately so have a couple of my girlfriends.
I am so troubled - partly because my daughter doesn't believe me - and partly because she is choosing to believe others who have not shown great judgment.
Why do we sell ourselves short? Why is is so unbelievable that some day a man will find us so intriguing that he will call - even if he has to work in the morning? And I wonder why we have to hit those brick walls over and over again. We need to start out the way we mean to end - to borrow Lora's phrase - if we start by doing all the work and all the calling - you will be the one pursuing and that sells a woman short.
3 comments:
From the mommy of 2 teenage daughters to another - I feel for you.
There are no easy answers and solutions, just lots of questions and sleepless fretting and praying and doing the best that we can with what we have to work with.
Part of our hope comes in just believing that in the end, all will be ok and the rest we leave to God and His guidance on what to do and what not to do/say.
Your daughter will be ok, some mistakes she has to make on her own. Let her go and she will come back to you in her time of need. She is like you in many ways I'm sure, but she will not make all the mistakes that you have. Let her have her freedom, and make her choices. All you can do is give her advice and catch her when she falls.
Momma,
I love that you are so worried about me. I am also glad that you trust me and my judgement. I don't doubt that he is similar to many men that you have dealt with in the past. I know that I need to be careful around him. I also know him well enough to know that to force me to sleep with him would ruin the "I conquered her" idea that he has. i have to be a willing participant in his game, or it's no fun. I am careful Momma, and i know that you know what you're talking about. I love you, and this is not something you have to worry about.
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