Depression's Ugly Face

Did you see The Passion of the Christ? Remember those little demons that tortured Judas - they looked innocent enough until Judas was alone and then they showed their true jagged teeth. Depression is that kind of demon. It looks innocent enough, might just be trouble sleeping, might be something you can shake off or run from. Then in the next instant, it has overcome you and death seems like the only way out.

My family has an ugly genetic history of depression. My grandmother's depression interfered with her ability to function in her later years, often rendering her incapacitated. My uncle attempted suicide after trying every antidepressant on the market, he survived the attempt only to acquire pneumonia from the charcoal that managed to get in his lungs in the ER. His son, one of my favorite cousins, visited with his mom and kids on Easter, then shot himself after trying to pull himself out of darkness for years. My own brother has struggled with bipolar disorder - and was arrested during a failed suicide attempt after he hit someone who was trying to take his gun away. My family has struggled with depression among the members for a long time. My guess is that at any point in time at least 2 of the six remaining siblings and several of my cousins are using antidepressant medication.

One thing here - after reading my cousin's suicide note, it was very clear to me that his dad's suicide gave him "permission" to take the same path. Made it seem alright - and he felt that his act hurt only himself. We don't realize how our actions effect others - how they see themselves in us - see our fortitude - and decide that if we can't take it, then they surely can't. It is a legacy that we pass on to our relatives and kids, this choice to get up one more day even if we don't feel like we can. If we have a history of depression I think it is our personal responsibility to do what we can to nip it quickly and start the medicine as soon as the symptoms start.

I struggled with depression after Jake was born and I was the proud owner, I mean single parent of three kids - one of whom was colicky for six months. Sleep deprivation and a high carb diet were a death sentence for me - throwing my insulin and estrogen levels out of whack - and then my seratonin. Prozac was my friend. That was nearly 10 years ago. From time to time I have talked to my doctor about the possible need for antidepressants - like last year when I was preparing to move out of the Ogre's house when Jake was diagnosed with epilepsy and I found out the Ogre had been sleeping with some woman in Peru for about two months.

I worked for over five years in the Psychiatric ICU at Wishard Hospital in Indianapolis. It is one of the top 100 hospitals in the nation - and they do psych as well as anyone. It is a teaching hospital and I learned a lot about the pathophysiology of depression from professors, researchers, pharmaceutical companies and most importantly, people who lived with depression year after year. After watching scores of people have dramatic changes in affect (facial expression) thought process ( thinking about something other than being dead) and motivation (ability to get things done), I cannot in good conscience tell someone that there is not a biological basis. One problem/advantage to being a nurse is that we are programmed to assess a person - their gait, their thought process, their affect, where their focus is - and use that information to discern what is really going on - they call this the holistic approach.

Recognizing the symptoms is tough - can easily be confused with other things - including genuine mourning. Here is a link to Depression.com which gives a pretty good list.

Things which are predisposing factors: 1. Family history 2. Insulin resistance/Diabetes ( if you have a poochy belly, you have some insulin resistance - just keep an eye out for symptoms 3. Hi carb or low fat diet, poor nutrition 4. High levels of stress, poor sleep

The studies show time after time that if depression is treated early, it will lose it's hold faster and is less likely to come back. Medication takes at least two weeks to work - thus the need to start treatment early on. There are about 20 antidepressants to choose from, sometimes the side effects are bothersome - but lets put that in perspective - upset stomach, decreased appetite and decreased libido are all problems much more minor than being dead.

Thanks for tolerating my rambling - it just seems that I have more and more people around me who need some treatment and aren't getting the help they need - so I was compelled to post.