I have been on this "thing" lately where I am thinking a lot about being Catholic - maybe it is Lent, maybe it is the way my life is going right now - and these thoughts are trying to kick my stubborn behind back into line. I believe in service - in doing for others - in working hard - but sometimes it feels like my desire to serve is taken for granted - and that my hard work is not appreciated.
My job, as the mom, is to enable my kids to live independently - and contribute to society - not to be the people who constantly say that something is not "their job" or have a hundred excuses why things didn't get done. I am not doing a very good job of holding them accountable these days - mostly because I feel overwhelmed - but also because I am not very good at remembering my own stuff and keeping other people accountable on top of working full time. We have come to an impasse in my house, where each person points blame onto another person - and I end up in the middle trying to keep the peace, while trying to be fair.
There is not just one person who doesn't carry their part of the load - on a given day it might be any one of the five of us. But the reality is that for months now, I have spent most of my free time cleaning, fixing, transporting, shopping and generally caring for the family. I can count on one hand the number of days I have not spent working around the house. It is mentally exhausting - especially when there is the undercurrent of dissatisfaction with the way things are.
It hit me with clarity yesterday, when Jake came to help me move something out of my car and he asked me when I was going to clean my car out. Most of the things in my car are left overs from transporting kids - but his perception was that the mess was my responsibility. Big red flag
When I come home and there is a pile of dishes or pile of chicken feed or three day old pile of laundry or dirty dishes piled up next to the computer and layer of dust on the carpet, I feel used and unappreciated. It is one thing to leave for work - leave an empty house - and come home to find it in the same state. Quite another to come home to the house worse off nearly every evening when I come home. I have asked people to do certain tasks - they don't do them and the result is that I have to do it in a rush - and that stinks. I have decided that as a family we have to deal with this - or I am taking my clothes and moving out to the old shed at the corner of the property - because at least I could keep it clean.
6 comments:
With 3 boys, ages 12,11,6, I know that feeling. I tell them all the time, if you see that something needs to be done, just do it. Don't ask if you have to, because you know what the answer will be. So, now I have a chore chart (in the summer). Before they can do anything or go anywhere they have chores to do. It worked fantastic. But unfortunately they are who they are and rely on us to do it all. Praying for you.
They're kids, though. And as much as we try to make them accountable they will naturally expect everything done for them. And they will resent you making them do it. I don't think there's any getting away from that.
What shed? I have an empty guest room any time you want to use it. Of course, my house is a mess, but at least it isn't your mess.
Hey there! My mind seems incapable of thinking of comments lately, but I thought I'd say hello and let you know that I'm still here.
I had a nice long comment, hit Preview, and lost it all. That comment would have solved all of your problems too. Now I can't remember it all.
Blogger blows.
I saw a wonderful cartoon once where a man came home to a house that was in utter chaos. In confusion he turned to his wife, and she said, "You know how every day, you ask me what I did today? Well, today, I didn't do it."
Post a Comment