How Rich Mullins and my Mom changed my life

After Jake's Dad left and I was a single mom, working in the Psych ICU at Wishard Hospital in Indianapolis, I felt a little lost. My girl, Lora, had moved on and had her new love, Alison and I spent a bit of time together trying to find someone new but I just was...lost. My job didn't fit anymore and my life didn't fit well anymore. I went to the job fair at the college, and talked to traveling nurses and people from Indian Health Services - far off places and exciting settings for a nurse.

We moved to Logansport, and I took a new job at a little rural hospital, but still I just wasn't *there* yet.

My mom sent me a copy of the video, A Liturgy and a Legacy, about Rich Mullins. He quoted Brennan Manning, the author of the Ragamuffin Gospel and CS Lewis who wrote Mere Christianity. He believed in walking the walk: feed the poor, clothe the naked, visit those in jail, do unto others. At the end of that video, I wanted what he had. There are a lot of faults in a church - it is a hospital for those who are broken, and that is what I have always believed. I go to church because I need the support of every other broken person in there. I go because I have an aptitude for trouble - and without that anchor, my life drifts in the wrong direction. He said he went for all the same reasons.

Rich lived in Saint Michaels, just outside of Fort Defiance New Mexico. He attended the church there, and taught Navajo kids how to love their neighbor - and how music can set them free. He helped elders build hogans for their families. He loved the people around him.

I wanted that - honestly, I still do - the knowledge that what I am doing each day makes a difference.

After Jake had brain surgery - and my child was restored to me - I decided to go. I sent out applications to Indian health Services- from the information I had gathered years before, and I ended up in New mexico. Rich had passed away about two years before that - but his spirit is in his music - and his heart is still in St. Michaels - you can feel the intensity of the Spirit still in that little church.

I read the Ragamuffin Gospel, we played his "Songs" CD over and over - and even now, my kids know the words by heart. Rich loved God, and more than anything else, he wanted people to see that God is an entity, not a church, not an abstract idea - but Someone who very personally has an interest in each one of us.

This isn't the post about what I believe, but what I learned - that is so incredibly valuable - from both my Mom and from Rich Mullins is this ( pardon the poor take on the song)

I believe what I believe is what makes me who I am
I did not make it - no, it is making me.

What I believe, what I have learned about the nature of God and life and living shape who I am. My choices are based on that belief system - which is true for all of us.

Yesterday I was really miffed about my lack of control over my work - and when I came home, my book had arrived. An arrow Pointing Toward Heaven, the devotional biography of Rich Mullins ( a little aside here, I also ordered the Longing for Darkness book and Things my Girlfriend and I argue about) . 50 pages later, I was reminded that it was just what I needed -
that in this world, my greatest joy is to serve others - and through that I become the person I have always wanted to be.

There is nothing more soothing than a kindred spirit - especially when that kinship revolves around faith - and how you see the world. I am sad that he was taken so soon - but so thankful that my mom gave me the video so many years ago.