To the Man I Adore on His Birthday

There are times that I wish I could go back in time and be there for you. I wish that I was able to comfort you when you felt lonely, and to encourage you to keep pressing on and to have faith that eventually things would work out fine. I see pictures of you in high school, in college, in your twenties, and my heart longs to go back in time and whisper that you are already in my prayers and that I am getting to you as fast as I can.

All my life I have felt that my other half was out there - and that he was just as upset about not being found as I was. I have gotten great comforting the idea that one day, God would bless me with someone I could love so deeply and completely that there would be no question he was the one I waited for. Who knows God's design - or what He thinks or how He wrangles things to make even the ugliest of situations work for the good? I question the wisdom of all the painful things we both went through, and yet, those things have brought us both here. Most importantly, they have given us the ability to see the value of the person standing right there in front of us. No small feat in todays disposable world.

I love that God prepared me for you by giving me Josh. To say that you are two peas in a pod is an understatement. What a miraculous thing to have a child so willing to connect with you after all he has been through - and what a blessing and a rock you are to him. I love to watch the two of you discussing passionately about movies and characters and the hum of your brains running at lightening speed is nearly audible. I love that you are so good to the boys and never treat them as stepkids - it has made all the difference in the world and provided healing to their souls.

I love that you care enough about me and the kids to challenge us when we are being silly - and that you make me stop and rest and smell the flowers I am trying so hard to get planted.

Thank you for allowing your family to welcome us in - at a time when we had to give up everything and everyone we loved in Indiana, you welcomed us to your home. More importantly, you allowed my kids to be adopted by your parents and your sister - giving them surrogate grandparents and a new aunt right off the bat. We can never replace what was taken from us, but you all have strived to do your best at starting our lives off well, here.

I love that being with you enables me to fill up enough so that I can give to others. The synergistic effect of having someone love me strengthens my ability to love and care for others.

Thanks to your folks for having you - to your family for supporting you and loving you - thanks to Steph for being your friend - and thanks to God for keeping you safe until I could get here to love you.

Happy birthday love - every day with you is the happiest day of my life.