Pain in the Butt

Do you ever have a time where you can tell you are just feeling like being a pain in the butt? I am having one of htose weeks again. Pressure is building at work and I am stretching myself way beyond what I am able to do, then atop that is managing the invitations and RSVPs from friends who want to come to the housewarming party. I am trying to unpack and unload and I am flailing because the kids have a hundred needs on top of the house.

Sometimes I feel like I carry the load alone - and that asking for help means listening to people explain to my why then need to sleep until noon, why they needed to stay up until 1 in the morning, and why they shouldn't have to help because no one else does. What would happen if I just said - to hell with it all - and made the rest of the group pitch in. I am seriously thinking of trying that.

I keep hoping someone will pick up that I am in over my head, but instead, my free time seems to be filling up with tasks for other people. Some of this is residual from single parenting - in choosing my fights I have often decided that it was easier to just do it myself. But now, I am feeling the crunch, I am not getting enough sleep, I am working until I about pass out and the one thing that refills that, downtime with Justin, has fallen by the wayside because he has other priorities this week.

Maybe it is early menopause or hormones or stressing about not being there for my folks or worrying about getting married or some combination of all these things. Maybe I need to add a bit of Prozac

I so desperately want the wedding and the reception to go well - no drunken spouse, no embarrassment about a pregnancy and no arguing about whether we should just go ahead and sleep the first night of hte honeymoon. I want a peaceful wedding with family and friends, a moment ( seven minutes actually) to be alone with my husband, a relaxing party with friends in our backyard and then a honeymoon where sex is included. Don't think this is asking too much - but there seem to be threats to this at every turn. I feel like I am being selfish - but seriously, I never intend to marry again and I want this last opportunity to be the one time things go well.

Yea - definitely need that bit of Prozac - or a bourbon lunch.