Biker Bar Therapy

Saturday morning, I got up early, greeted by Jake who still hugs me and nearly knocks me over. I love that. The last couple - what do I put here - weeks, months - whatever - have been rough emotionally. And I don't always handle things well. I have become quite adept at living in a bad marraige, with a man I don't like anymore - but being married to someone I like - and someone I want to stay with - a "good marriage" per se - is a whole new thing to me. It is a LOT harder because I can't just run away and start over. It is so aggravating that hours of therapy and years of living well still compel me to fall into old habits of pushing people away when I really need them the most. Stupid personality flaw.

Anyway, I went to work on the empty house - yet again - and was back at our house by 11 - with piles of trash to be taken out - dishes - laundry - dogs in my rose garden and the prospect of a pig pen that still needs to be built. Oh yes, and it was over 90 again. I was seriously angry with every member of my family - including the dogs in my roses. I expressed my displeasure - I can be a real ass when I feel this way, so I decided to work outside and fix the fencing around my pond and roses so a part of the yard would stay safe from the dogs - and I wouldn't have anyone in my immediate vicinity to harangue.

One of my girlfriends at work was having a going away party at a biker bar that gleaned two offers from my other friends who live near there to come bail me out of jail should a fight break out. Okay then - an adventure at best.

My husband, God bless his soul, agreed to come with me - even though I was bordering on "complete ass" at that point.

The Long Island Ice Teas just kept coming - interspersed by a wonderful batch of wings and Bleu Cheese dressing, CCR, Lynrd Skynard, Dirks Bentley, and a singer who forgot the words to the song by Cream. It was loud - it was fun - and I didn't have anyone or anything I had to take care of for hour after hour. Bonus - my husband, who still owed me a dance from Stephanie's wedding 26 months ago - finally paid up during Stevie Ray Vaughn. Yep all in all - it was a much needed respite.

And I found my nice self again.

It is so easy to forget there is a Stace in here who is not a mom or a wife or a nurse or a farmer - that there is a part of me who just needs to relax - and watch football and chow down some wings - and drink too much and laugh loudly - and play a very sad game of pool. Sometimes that girl just needs a night out.