Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Under pressure

St. Therese's Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God....
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

My mom sent this to me this morning. I needed to see it. The past few months have been a long haul for me. The pressure of Justin's lay off and the other mortgage as well as our bills and our mortgage being placed squarely on my shoulders has really been weighing heavily on me. Add in a couple of teenagers and thier issues and my dad battling cancer and have been no prize to live with.

Now the people that I live with haven't exactly been helpful. While I love them and they all have their adorable traits- the inability to do what I ask of them in a timely manner is just exasperating. I repeat the requests over and over, a half-assed job may be done - but three more requests will come before it gets done. It is no wonder that I am exhausted and cranky. I don't know any other way to get help other than to ask specifically - and short of using the advice I was given to nag until they are so tired of hearing me that they do what is asked - I don't know what else to do.

I worry about finances, but I have been broke before and my pantry is stocked with way more than enough food to keep us fat for months. Sometimes I forget that time and time again God has been there with something unexpected - child support I hadn't been receiving starts coming in, a raise , an insurance pay out. I haven't gone hungry since Bear was a very little girl. Time and time again I feel like things will crumble, like I can't take the pressure. And then I have to remind myself that I am in fact not the manager of the Universe - that job belongs to someone else and that I should stop trying to do it.

4 comments:

Sarah said...

I understand how you feel, with my husband incarcerated for 10 months and the weight of all responsibility falling on my shoulders.
I have two pictures that hangs in my house - Worry ends where Faith begins. - Faith is not knowing that God can but that He will.
These are constant reminders to me.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.
I will be praying for you.

Knight Of The Storms said...

thanks for the nice comments :)

re your post I could only think of this qoute:

'Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.'
Mother Theresa

SJ said...

You are a strong woman, Stace. And you have a strong husband. Everything will work out just fine. As for the kids - just remember that they are kids, and chores are the last thing they want to do. Their kids will be exactly the same with them :)

Ariel said...

That is a lovely prayer..I wrote it down yesterday because I do that with quotes and other such things. I had it with me and I was very stressed and read it, and it helped calm me down. So thankyou for sharing it with me.
When looking forwards in life is overwhelming, I look back and see how far I've come. Its a nice reminder of how strong I really am.