Rarely do I post to actually get some feedback - but I have two pressing issues and I could use some counsel.
I was asked about a gift registry for the wedding - Justin's first- not my first. Is this appropriate? Factors here include that the wedding will be small - immediate family and a couple close friends. We will have a house warming/reception a couple of weeks later for friends and co-workers - but I don't want people to feel obligated to bring something. I am thinking of attaching a registry like Target or Amazon to a website on the Knot - and directing people there for questions. Don't want to be uncooperative - more importantly, don't want to be greedy - we have a lot of stuff!
Also there was the issue of changing my last name. You know how women write thier first name and their fiance's last name down to see how it looks? I have not even written it down for fear of jinxing the whole thing. I am really struggling with what to do. There is the possiblity that children 1 and 2 may be adopted, but no conclusion about changing their names to his. Odds are that the kids will keep my maiden name, at least for the time being. I could hyphenate (not my first choice) or I could change it personally, and leave my maiden name professionally, or I could change it both places and have a different last name than my children - any thoughts???
6 comments:
1) Do the registery. It's not inappropriate. Maybe regiser at Lowes and Home Depot since it's a new home. If you really don't want stuff set up your gifts to go the Cancer foundation or another chartity in your names.
2) If you want change your name. Truely the only thing a man hasthat is all his own to give is his name. If kids 1 and 2 decide they can take his name. You could also have JJ give each kid a ring or necklace at the wedding. This would signify him marring them too and you all being 1 family regardless of name.
We can't wait to be there!
Here's how my daughter put a low-key page on the net.
http://www.anvilcloud.net/wedding/gifts.html
It is absolutely appropriate to register at places where people can go and purchase gifts from a registry.
I went thru all that stuff when I married my current husband. It is not about being greedy or asking for gifts. A registry is not only for you but for those people who want to recognize your love and celebration wiht a gift. Do them a favor and let them know what you need thru the registry.
Keep the name what it is now until you feel good about changing it.
I changed mine and I have not regretted it one bit.
My children share the last name of the man who fathered them....I share the last name of the man that I love and adore and who fathers my children now - one was a moment of sperm donation......another is a lifetime committment.
Good Luck - remember: A wedding is a momentary thing and a marriage last a lifetime. Plan your emphasis appropriately.
:)
The registry is perfectly acceptable. Every couple needs stuff to start a new life. The only difference is this time around, you don't need a thousand little kitchen gizmos. Register at Target or HomeDepot, where there is stuff you need.
The Name is up to your comfort level. If you want it, go for it, but give the kids the option. Tell them that if they ever want to, they can change their last name to his, and just make their previous surname a second middle name.
I don't think a register is inappropriate. Yes, you've been married before, but I haven't. It took me almost 32 years to find the right person. My family wants to be able to revel in the fact that their little boy held out for just the right amount of time. With the name change thing, I'm okay with whatever you decide. While I would prefer to have you take my name, I'll understand if you opt not to. With the children, it's another matter. I won't ask them to change their names. I mentioned to Bear recently that I would like to get her input regarding adoption, at some point. No rush. I haven't spoken with Josh about it yet. I don't want any of them to think that it's something that they're supposed to do. If they change names, I want it to be because they want to.
1) Yes. Why not have a registry. I didn't and regret that I missed out on opening gifts with my new husband. It is a great experience and a way for those of us that love you guys to give you something from our heart that we know you will enjoy!
2)Most definitely change your name. You've waited your whole life for this man. The Bible states that you two will become one when you marry him, so you should be one in name too! I'd let the kids decide for themselves if they want to change their names. My sisters and I didn't when Mom married Daddy but then Kim took it when she divorced her last husband. I was going to take it too but then married David and was so happy to take his lovely last name! :)
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