Cinderella Fantasies

I bought Wild at Heart for Justin- and for me since I am raising two boys, I need to read everything I can to help them navigate. The book talks about men in the world of Christianity - and how being "good" is boring. It starts with the idea that men were born in the wilderness, not in the Garden - and that there are aspects to the nature of men that need to be fed. If you are a man struggling with the role of men in Christian churches - or you feel like you just don't fit, you might really enjoy this book - I found it very similar to the Women who Run the the Wolves book by Clarissa Pinkola Estes - good read.
The first chapter I turned to discussed Cinderella fantasies, what women are taught men should be like, what they expect, what they dream about and how women think - and it hit me between the eyes. I have been feeling very uncomfortable about the level of addiction/love/passion/ entanglement I feel for Justin - and suddenly it made sense. Every fairy tale I have ever read includes the woman being rescued - and being a part of a grand adventure. It is the scenario I have longed for - though not the circumstance - for my entire life. I love sappy romance movies - where the man just can't help but be gallant and come to the woman's rescue - Never Been Kissed, 50 First Dates, French Kiss, Notting Hill, Hope Floats -I have a ton of movies that make me cry at the end when the man realizes he just can't live without her. For an educated woman this seems silly- I have been told that plenty of times - but the truth is, it happened to me.
I was rescued in every way that a person can be rescued ( to borrow the line from Titanic)- saved from fear, saved from actual physical danger, saved from certain financial ruin when I found myself jobless and homeless, saved from a future without the promise of love. How can you help but adore a man who actually comes to your rescue - proves that he will in fact do the things most men agree to only in theory - and then decides to keep you even though you have been a lot of trouble?
Today I am resolving to keep my boundaries, but to stop worrying that I love too deeply or feel too entwined. Worrying about these things is a tie in to old memories - and old needs to protect myself for when the man leaves. This is a new story and a new path. I tell my patients that when you are doing something new and it is uncomfortable, then you are doing it right. Perhaps I should take my own counsel on this one.