Balance

I was talking to a coworker yesterday about Justin and she remarked how great it was that we seem to balance each other out. I was giving that a bit more thought today and realized that this is the first symbiotic relationship I have had (other than a couple of my girl friends) - every other one has been parasitic.

I like to work on projects - give me something to work on in the house and I am happy as a clam. I like to see aspects of the yard that need tilling or planting and I am fulfilled in seeing the fruits of my labors. I have been both gifted and cursed by broad hips, big hands and a strong back. Physical labor suits me. I don't have money, but I build in sweat equity.

Justin's body is not as strong. His muscles ache when he spends time digging or sanding or painting. These activities do not bring him joy, but discomfort. No problem there, I have it covered.

I work myself to exhaustion and have a really hard time asking for help. He on the other hand is very perceptive about when I have reached the exhaustion point, and he pitches in and gathers reinforcements to help me. Never had that happen before. Justin helps me stop. He gently pulls me aside, closes the door, pours me a drink, or moves me out of the line of fire when I have reached my exhaustion point - just as I can tell when he is working too hard and I will try to make his life easier by cooking dinner or doing the laundry. It is a team effort.

I get tired and I let things slide that I should follow up on. I think I am mostly consistent, but I could do better. Justin is more objective and less worn out, so when I have had it and the boys still need guidance at the end of the day, he goes in for guy time, sitting on the side of the bed chatting about the really important things which make a boy into a man.

I stink at money management - I am not just bad, I really stink at it. Last year I paid over $500 in fees for stupid overdraft fees. Justin is great at paying bills. His credit score rescued us when it came time to get the house. Having him take over this arena has been a Godsend because as I said, I cannot do this well.

I always loved listening to couples who truly saw the amazing person his/her spouse was and said things like - I was lucky enough to get her to marry me, or he knows me and stays anyway, or he was the best thing to ever happen to me. It is a testimony of our own self knowledge and a testimony to the incredible value in finding the person who was made for you. I marvel to the point of tears when I think of just how blessed I have been and wonder what I could have possibly done to deserve so much happiness.

I wanted to post this because I think a marriage is about balance - each of us using our strengths to make the family a better place to be - each of us helping the other. Most importantly, there isn't a scorecard. Frankly, I am thankful for that - how could you catch up the score in a match where the other person allowed you and your kids and your dogs to invade his house while unemployed, use nearly every inch of it - not to mention the utilities - and never complain? All I can say is that I am glad there is no tally sheet - because I am no where near being caught up if we are keeping score.

Additionally I want to say thank you to God, who has remained faithful and seen fit to bless me with the love of my life, a deliverer, a knight in shining armor - just when I needed it most. May I live my life worthy of the blessings that have been bestowed. Thank you for giving a father to my sons and a man (other than my dad and uncles) that my daughter can respect.