Credit where credit is due

Had a good conversation last night with Jacob's dad - and he made a point about the blogs - and he was mostly right - so I am going to try to correct something.

I can honestly say that when Jake was born - and we were married, he and I didn't have any idea about how to make a marriage work. Since then, he has found a woman who has been a good wife to him - and we have both grown up a bit. I have endured years of comments from a particular friend that apparently I was not a good wife because his current wife and he are very happy and he is doing well. Probably a grain of truth in that - but more likely that we didn't have any business being married in the first place. It was not a good situation, things were said and done that neither of us would do again.

When Jacob had to have brain surgery, it was a wake-up call that we both took seriously, and Larry has tried to be a good father ever since. There are times that I think he should call more often - and he of course feels like I should have Jake visit more often - it is a two way street and we are both right on this one. He is doing the best he can - and whether it meets my random standards, or not, he has been a good father to Jake. He has always paid support, sometimes even more than he had to. He wants to see his son- and that is more than I can say for a lot of people who just decide it is too much trouble to deal with an ex-wife and coordinating two families.

More importantly, he did something I think deserves credit. He apologized. For a man to take responsibility for his shortcomings and admit to his faults, without fussing at me about mine -took a lot of heart - and for that he deserves respect.

We haven't always agreed on how to do things - and I am not a particularly easy ex-wife to deal with because my life seems to be so unconventional(this is pretty much the understatement of the century). We are both mere humans and sometimes our mouths run off in directions we shouldn't go. But mostly, we both love Jacob, and there is the mutual understanding that without either of us, the miracle that is Jake would have never happened.

Having a man who is in Jacob's life daily will make a real difference - just as being with his dad for vistiation makes a big difference. Justin has voluntarily taken on a huge responsibility - and handled it well. It is difficult to raise someone else's children- just ask my ex husbands. Both boys have been able to see, for the first time in their lives, what it looks like to love each other, to live without arguing and to genuinely be happy. Jacob has seen this during weekends with his dad - and I look forward to the day that thier lives are surrounded by a loving home on a daily basis.

Hope this leaves you with a better feeling - Jacob is one of my best contributions to this world, and for that I am very grateful.