Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Looking for the Signs

I have more decisions to make - actually, I just want to take a nap and feel safe again - but that only happens when I know I have someone there who is on watch instead of me. I want to just curl up next to a hairy Swede and find some rest...

I am tired - probably getting close to sleep deprivation because even when I sleep - I wake up - walking around the house making sure everyone is still safe and that the Ogre isn't sneaking around. I am working frantically trying to pack things up and get ready to bolt if I need to. I am looking for a clear sign that I need to take action immediately, but I am too tired I think to see things very objectively.

I had four separate friends - in different zip codes - who do not talk to each other - tell me over the weekend that they are sensing a change and that I am in danger. The Ogre has taken a new job so that he will be working for the town about 2 minutes from my house and the kids' school. He even offered to pick the kids up from football -which I took as a thinly veiled threat that he COULD do such a thing. He has been driving by my house, sometimes several times a night - at about 5 miles an hour and last Friday he came to my office on business, but also checked the lot for my car. His creepiness factor is increasing. During the same conversation about the new job, he again reiterated that he loved me ( never mind that he has been banging another woman since March and didn't even have the decency to file for divorce before jumping on her) and that he is very sad the I have found someone else. Says he may not sign the divorce papers that were drawn up three weeks ago. I am still in Limbo.

Here is the real catch - if he dismisses the petition, my restraining order also is dismissed - little loophole in our county. I am back to those those first days in May when the police were called and I was told that everything was joint property until the divorce was final and that they couldn't do anything about him breaking in my house. Cannot put my family through that again. And since he is certifiable - I may have to move anyway. Moving brings safety, but also a wealth of other complications including relocating a 13-year old who is Joe Popularity at his current haunt.

So here are the options:
1. Stay here and put up with it, hoping he signs eventually - or filing myself if he drops it and waiting it out. Possible - I am finding I am a lot stronger than I thought - but Dan's risk of being killed because he threatens one of us is also much greater. Miffs me that this is not feeling like a better option because the kids have built a comfy life here - except for the Ogre-aspect.
2. Stay every night with my folks so that we can feel safe. Honestly, I am really tired and I love my folks but my mom is just stressing me out more right now, so this is not an option. Plus - if I need to move out of the current house anyway, I need to work after work every night at reboxing and sorting things.
3. Move away - if he doesn't sign and I have to refile, I could move away. If he continues to be a threat after the signing - I could still move. Would have to be where I know someone, I am tired and I don't want to go it alone right now. Could go to Indy, I have friends there and know my way around a bit. Job wouldn't be difficult. Could go to Steph or could go to Justin. Either place would be good - and I think I would feel safe there - he won't be taking the initiative to drive by that far away.

I am making a decision by Friday - hopefully God's timetable will intersect with my own and I will be able to decide then.

1 comment:

Chris said...

Stacey, God be with you on this decision. Justin got me up to date on the past week, and Mel and I are sending all the good JuJu that we can muster. Mel, Being former Law Enforcement, may have some tips for you.