Temptation and the Boatboy

My friend Lora had a great church home in Dallas and she relayed to me some of the pearls in the sermon about on Satan and Temptation and how he messes with our heads.  He is much more intent when there is more at stake: say a preacher who could impact an entire parish if he sins, or a group trying to institute a ministry which is awash in miscommunication, or a marriage where each person starts focusing on their own needs and their pride until the whole covenant is a mess.

He does this in relationships- where things are misconstrued and there is chaos and hurt feelings, - damaging the bond if the people in question don't realize where the strife came from. He tempts us to withdraw and pull away - and the more important this relationship is, the more drama he tries to make.   He also does this when we pray for something specific by putting up something before us that is almost the answer or the outcome we prayed for - but something is missing.  The temptation being do we wait for what the Lord has promised, or do we settle for the bird in hand.

I have surrendered my search for a partner - resolving to be alone rather than settle again.  Instead, I have asked God to send to me a man with a good spirit and a love for Him.  Everything else will fall in line if these two aspects are the same for both of us.    Liking football is important, but not a deal breaker anymore. I asked Him for this specifically in July and it has been my prayer ever since.  Maybe this has happened already, maybe it is still happening - maybe it is ten years off - no matter.  I know that God will do this for me because it is the desire of my heart to share my life with the right someone.   And because it is so closely tied to my heart, I know that Satan will try to mess with it.

So all of a sudden, I have had men ask me out in totally unusual situations: at the store, at work, from eHarmony connections I made 6 months ago, at church - just weird. I am 40, overweight, and look tired most of the time from the burdens I bear- I am not aging as well as Jennifer Aniston is.   It is unfathomable that all of a sudden the "magic light" has turned on - but weird things keep happening- and many of them are clearly a temptation. Choose any of these, and my real blessing could be put further away. I think these are sent to muddy the waters so that when the person I have been sent shows up, I'll have a more difficult time picking him out of the crowd. ( as an aside,  if you are that person, and you are reading this, could you please raise your hand so I am sure to identify you? Just teasing, I'll know you, don't worry)

A man I have been waiting for to ask me out, finally did after church this week. We went to breakfast and talked about life and other sundry items.  But in listening to him, really paying attention to what he said, I realized that he is not the one. He's close and I could make it fit - the thought actually crossed my mind  - but it is not what is right for either of us - so coffee-drinking friends we will remain. 

Then today, I went to Hartwell to see patients.  There is a lovely park bordering the lake which is desolate and quiet and only the sound of the waves is heard when you close your eyes.  I brought my laptop and my sweet tea, set my suitjacket on the parkbench and sat on the ground.   I was praying with my eyes closed and letting the sun freckle my shoulders, when I heard a boat go by.  I didn't open my eyes, and as it passed, the boatboy sounded the horn.  Instinctively, I raised my hand and waved.   My eyes were shut again as the sound of the motor faded away. 

I didn't realize it was turning around until I heard the engine shift into a lower gear, and I opened my eyes again. He was standing behind the wheel of the boat, waving to me.  I waved back.  He asked if I would like to come for a ride with him.  The lake is beautiful and the air is cooler over the water.

A million thoughts went through my head: the first of which was: can he get me back in time for my appointment? then -where did this come from?  Who is this man and why would he think I would hop on a stranger's boat?  Am I missing an opportunity? Is this who I was praying for?  Am I really the kind of woman who would jump in without any assurance about who he is at all? What exactly does he have in mind for this boat ride?  And the winning question:  what kind of man asks a strange woman on a deserted beach to get on his boat without telling anyone where she is and thinks that she will go?  The answer: an axe murderer who is going to throw my body into the lake after he tortures me.  Horrible, I know, but if you read the news, you know these things happen to foolish women in deserted places - which was exactly the position I was in.  Super.

I thanked him and said that I was expected and really only had another 5 minutes or so before I had to go. 

I closed my eyes and offered a little more fervent prayer for protection. "I'd really like to take you out with me"  I shook my head no, then exhaled as I heard the boat pull away, but I didn't run.

The boat changed gears again and came back before me, even closer to the shoreline, this time  in reverse. He was now only about 15 feet from me, and I could see clearly that he was a little gray, lean, tan, and in a pair of swim trunks.

"Are you sure you don't want to go with me?  It will be fun." 

Temptation, not satisfied with letting me get away after one "no thank you" came back for one more pass and for extra measure, he flashed a smile that indicated he meant it.  Just in case I was lonely enough - or foolish enough - to take the offer on the table the third time.

I thanked him again, saying that I wasn't making it up, that I had patients to see at 3:30 and that I really had to go in just a minute.  I flashed him the biggest most charming smile I could muster, then he pulled away- this time speeding up to plane the boat, and I gathered my things and left the park. 

It wasn't some superhuman feat, I was definitely tempted and had I lost my focus on exactly who it is I am seeking, I could easily have asked him to beach the boat and come sit with me- or found a way to get his number or give him mine. He was handsome, and had a great smile- but I don't know anything about his heart and that is not who I am looking for.  I have a million numbers, I don't need more numbers, I need to wait - and so again tonight, I will drift off to dream of someone with a good spirit who has been led to me by God's will. Wherever you are tonight, I want you to know that I will wait for you, as long as it takes for you to be ready,  because your heart is worth it - and so is mine.