Being True

What does that mean exactly?  Someone said that it was important, to be true to yourself, and I think they are right.  At this juncture in my life, it is important that I understand who I am and what I can and cannot tolerate- and that I stay true to that vision.

Did you see the movie All About Steve?  It wasn't a cinematic smash, but it had a very powerful message: be true to who you really are. Regardless of what the public opinion was, the lead character stayed true, loved others and was open to adventure.  What I liked most was her ability to always think kindly of the object of her affection ( something I do to a fault as well). 

So here are the 10 things that I really am:

1. Child of God: by some miracle He loves me in all my faultedness....actually He created me to be this way so I need to be careful to not insult Him with all this fault business.

2. Dave Loner's daughter: which means I was well educated, well traveled, well loved, and introduced to football at a young age( so I know the difference between the Wildcat Offense and the I-Formation).  I think anything is possible if you are willing to work hard enough for it because my daddy said that was so, and I value humility above all other virtues.

3. As a result of both of the above I live passionately: I love gelato and dark chocolate and nearly rare steaks on the grill, I  like to go places and pack my suitcase about an hour before I leave, I like to experience people and places I haven't seen before, I love a good adventure and at the end I want to be able to say "what a ride THAT was, thanks Lord" and pass on.

4. Mother: fiercely defensive and protective of her kids- and any other kids who happen to wander into my home.  I mother everyone- even when they don't want mothering.  My kids friends all call me Mama, which is weird sometimes because there are other aspects to me than just being the mother.  But: I love babies and cooking and a clean house and canning food for the winter, so a mama I definitely am. I worry about kids in the grocery store whose parents seem really stressed out, I worry about elderly people who don't have a reliable person to help them, I worry about people in poverty, in addictions, in situations where their soul is at risk of giving up.  Maybe worry isn't the word, more like concern or compassion, and I ask God to watch over them.

5. Granolahead: who respects the environment by recycling, using a gray water system, planting my own vegetables, baking my own bread, growing fruit trees and berry bushes, carefully transplanting seedling trees, avoiding pesticides and herbicides like the plague, buying Organic and Local  whenever possible, and most importantly, I am careful about what I do to the earth because 7 Generations after me will feel the effects, and we shouldn't tick off grandkids who aren't even a twinkle in someone's eye yet.

6. Lover: I adore people- I like being in love -  and the sensation that comes with getting to know how someone operates.  I don't get fireworks ( with one exception) anymore as I see men in a more comprehensive way than I did in my younger days.  It takes a lot to really impress me.  But I have learned that all of us are human, with failings and frailties and amazing potential.  I don't think it is hard to love someone - anyone really - if you are willing to look for the qualities that make them like Christ.  Maybe it is their compassion, their wirting abilities, their singing voice, their love for their family, their humility...the list is endless.  Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I go about telling random inappropriate people I am in love with them.  But it does mean that I don't know any other way to love than to jump right in and love with all my heart.  Not sure where that came from, but it is often a surefire way to get my heart broken in a zillion tiny pieces.  On the other hand, I never look back and think I didn't give it my every effort.  I like not having regrets for the most part. In my experience, a broken heart is much easier to fix than a regret. It is important for people to hear that they are valuable, desireable, loveable, and worthy of having someone think they are pretty amazing.  These thoughts are not conveyed nearly often enough.  ( sidenote: if you are blessed enough to have someone who loves you, make sure they know how important they are to you)

7. Powerhouse: from the time I was a little girl, I remember my mom and dad telling me that my steps were too heavy, or that I was being loud.  I am not a bitty girl, and honestly, I have accepted that I do things in a big way.  Not intentionally, not with some sort of bravado, but as a result of being a woman who is almost 6 foot tall.   This is NOT the physique that I would have chosen, a more svelte form was more my ideal, but it has it's functionality.  I am able to move timbers, carry two kids on my hip while cooking dinner, move Jake ( who is 260 himself) when he is dead weight after a seizure, pack and unpack for a dozen moves and most importantly I can reach the top shelf myself- important if you are single most of your adult life.

8 Healer: It is not I title I like to give myself, because just saying that you are a healer betrays the humility required to be a good healer. If I am to be honest and true, I need to include this on the list since is it both my profession and my passion.  I studied, both at school and in workshops, to be able to help others through medicine.  I derive great pleasure when someone I have helped gets back to health.  The one unfortunate thing is that even in the throes of passion, I am doing physical assessment.  A little inconvenient, I know.  But if you spend 20 years looking at bodies and how their operations impact the person's quality of life, it is hard to stop. The downside to being a healer is that you can find yourself trying to heal people who aren't ready to let go of being sick..  That's difficult to walk away from, difficult to stomach, but I must. 

9 Advocate: My profession requires that I be an advocate for my patients, their families, their providers, and anyone else involved.  Additionally, I am an advocate for my as-of-yet unborn grandchildren, as I try to guide my children down a path that will allow them to be great parents and provide for these grandchildren at the appropriate time.  I am an advocate for my company, touting it's ethical and innovative way of doing business and encouraging providers to adopt the therapies that will improve their patient's quality of life.

10.Friend and family member: I show up.  More often than not.  Christmas, funerals, birthdays, weddings, family crisis.  I show up.  We can get so focused on things that we neglect to show those we love how very important they are to us- to the world.  Showing up is my trademark, and something I am proud to do.


I hope this was not to painfully boring for anyone who actually reads what I write.  It was important to me to write it down, think about it, and make sure that who I think I am and how I behave are in alignment.  And, today, they are.