love and transformation

I had dinner tonight with Justin - whose title now is in question.  He is my friend.  We are not divorced - we are annulled-  having agreed that we shouldn't have gotten married, but we should have remained friends.  So he can just be my friend - does that work for you, dear reader, as well?  Okay, that is settled.

During our dinner, Tom Brady came on the screen. Not the Tom of last year with his cropped hair and serious facial expressions, but the Tom who has a couple of little kids at home and a beautiful wife.  His hair was longer and sunstreaked, he was kidding around more than usual on the sidelines and his skin was tanned.  He looked - well - happy.  Admittedly, I have not been a Tom fan - partly because I love Peyton Manning - and partly because he did some things I didn't agree with.  But there was no denying the power of peace and love in his life - it was written all over him.  And I actually liked watching him play against the Falcons tonight. I am not a convert yet, but I have gained a new respect for Tom as a fellow human being.

Justin says that he is also an example of that - how a woman who loves you can move your life. I did love him, and I love him still, that doesn't dissipate just because you live in seperate houses.  He is happier, has a great relationship with God which now includes teaching apologetics and RCIA at our former - well our present - church.  He does what he loves now- voice overs and movie reviews - as a paid gig along with his regular job. He has become the person that he wanted to be - not the epitome, mind you, but a much closer version.  And  the most important thing I heard him say tonight: he is open to loving someone again.  My heart just felt good about the possibilities for him.  He is a great guy - and will be a great husband for someone, it just wasn't me.

Love is such a powerful motivator.  To have someone see you in the nakedness of who you really are - what your darkest thoughts are- where your fears lie - when you are at your weakest moment- and to have that person say that they care for you, that they think you are more than you believe, that you are worthy of being loved - all of these are healing balm for the soul. The power of that bondedness has enabled great men and women throughout history to be a synergistic force - one person in the forefront, and their partner standing strongly behind them, reminding them that they are indeed stronger than they seem and braver than they believe. In hearing that message over and over again, we begin to embody it, and great things pour forth: dreams are realized and lives are transformed.

We continually beat ourselves up for things we have done.  I find that if I make a mistake it is earth-shattering, but if a friend makes the same mistake, I remind her of her humanity and tell her to forgive herself.   I am working to stop this very destructive cycle by reminding myself that if God can forgive me, it is pretty pretentious for me to hold onto my sin.  If I would forgive my friend, I should forgive myself.

Love has the capacity to transform us into an even better version of ourselves.

And to begin that path of hope, since love isn't always on the same time table that I am on, I will start by loving myself.