Job is one of my favorite folks because he is the epitome of hope without reason. He was tested beyond his emotional limits by the loss of his family and his physical limits by the onslaught of sores. His spiritual limits were tested as he was forced to wrestle with the very God who had abundantly blessed his life before. He was surrounded by people who were sure they knew more about his soul than he himself did. Nice friends, they come to comfort him and when he asks why God has allowed this to happen, they come up with a listing of his faults. This is a warning to those of us who are called on to provide comfort - shut up and listen. The friends only bring more pain, not healing.
Seems to me that God does not create evil, but rather than being an entity, it is a state which describes the lack of God, like darkness describes the lack of light. Bad things do happen to people who do not deserve it - like Job. Though our humanity suggests we deserve something better - a harder look at what we truly deserve is warranted.
I wonder when people talk about what they deserve, if those people have ever seen poverty or AIDS babies or land mine victims. Who on earth deserves that? Do people in Arizona really deserve to live in a house of mud and discarded lumber without electricity or running water? Do they deserve to live on land that can still not support farming? Do their children deserve to die at a higher rate than the rest of Americans because they live on a Reservation? Can babies truly be blamed for the sins of their conception? Can toddlers be blamed for afflictions caused by their toddling about? And what about the rest of us? Is there really some measuring stick that determines that Donald Trump is more worthy of wealth than the nurse's aid who works nights holding old men's hands as they fade into death? It is written that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into heaven and that a man cannot serve two masters - he will love one and hate the other. Feeling that we deserve something is an outlet of pride. Perhaps what we already have is what we deserve.
In taking this more personally, I wonder if, by my very existence, I am entitled to a life without drama, a happy home, stable finances, or a life with a true love by my side. If I deserve that, someone needs to have a talk with God because it certainly has not happened yet.
But what do I truly deserve - if I am honest, I will admit that I fall short of deserving a life that has already been so blessed. I have bad days, I tell white lies, I do things I am not proud of, and sometimes in one week I cannot even keep track of the number of commandments I break. My feelings get hurt and I say things I shouldn't, I lose my patience, I wonder why other women get nice husbands and a picket fence and I work my butt off raising three kids alone. Does that make me "deserve" a better life? Hardly.
Instead, like Job realized, life comes to us in spurts. Sometimes things are painfully ripped from us, only to be restored a hundredfold later. I have spent way too many nights sleeplessly caring for children whose fathers have run away. But the best part of those men, the part I definitely did nothing to deserve, is the pure hearts of the kids they left behind. Do I deserve the handful of wildflowers that my son brings me - or the kiss on my forehead from my new teenager - or the fashion advice that my daughter gives me? No - those are all gifts - something I do not deserve, but accept willingly as the gift they are. Everyday they teach me about loving people, about acceptance and about grace.
I know there are people who believe that once they are saved, we are entitled as children of the Kingdom. But the saving came at a high price - paid for in blood - paid for by a Mother watching her Son be tortured to death - paid for by the Angels silence. Pretty high price, pretty big responsibility to live up to that. There was a line in a movie - something about with great power comes great responsibility. So, even though a price has been paid for me, my sinful nature seeps in. This is what interferes with what I deserve. How can I be deserving of anything if I repay someone's death with my sinfulness? I wrestle with God about that one - at the moment He is winning because He knows a lot more than I do.
So what is the answer? First is the recognition that as humans we are flawed. Our sinful nature is inescapable. Even when we keep the ten commandments, we still have moments where our lives could be lived more carefully, more purposefully. Second is accepting the burden placed - when someone dies to save you, you have a responsibility to make their sacrifice worth something - that doesn't mean driving yourself crazy, but does mean trying your best. Third it is being realistic about what we deserve. I hate when people tell me I deserve better - actually, I don't deserve squat, whatever good comes my way is grace and gift - not because I am some phenomenal person who deserves good things. Perhaps it is that each of us is given a gift - or maybe a slew of gifts and we are required to use those gifts wisely - to better ourselves, to better our world and to make a difference to those around us.
4 comments:
Ok, I'm way back at the beginning. I will put my nickle's worth.
Read about the lillies of the field, that neither toil nor spin yet have all that they need provided.
Look up GRACE.
We are as he has made us. He loves us as we are. Be true to yourself. as you were made. His grace gives us what we need, Not our actions or our deeds.
When you can accept that he loves you just the way you are, you can be all that you are meant to be knowing it is the right way for you to live.
But remember, all the glory for your accomplishments goes to him.
Say thank you often.
I don't think it's about keeping commandments or having bad moments or bad days. I think it's all about the heart, intentions, how you treat others, and trying to live according to your light.
I think it is important to have a full heart and good intentions. I think where I struggle is that I try to live right, do right by people and yet, I still feel...sad that I am alone. I don't want to seem ungrateful for the many blessings or imply that somehow my behavior gives me grace, but that as a result of grace, my behavior should be a certain way. I don't know....thus the post. I want to explore the idea.
Human emotions are natural. I don't find it at all strange to feel a sadness about being alone. If it becomes wallowing or becomes anger, especially on a long terms basis, I can be persuaded that it might become a different story. If you feel that you are forgiven, you can perhaps forgive yourself for human frailties as well. I don't think we are called to be perfect, just forgiven. Good grief, I'm preaching.
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