It has been said that after a long and cold winter, when the hunting is poor and each day is a struggle for survival, the wolves will come down from the mountains. Rather than feasting on the bounty of spring, they will feed, then in what seems like a random way, kill without eating their prey. They will kill two sheep and leave one, they will come into towns and farms that otherwise would be safe, they will kill because they must. Wolves always kill for food rather than for sport, so this phenomenon suggests some change in their natural order.
We are very much like those wolves, when we have gone through a period of starvation, of denial, of trying to behave in a way that is counter to who we really are, we are hungry. Down to-our-very-soul hungry. We live in a civilized world, so there are certain behaviors that are considered appropriate and others that are not. As a result, we can get really fixated on one aspect of who we are, and miss the other three. We put the legitimate needs of one aspect on hold as it were- either out physical, intellectual, emotional or spiritual needs. All of these needs are valid and are a part of being fully human, and yet, there are societal pressures and constraints which ask us to deny one or all of these aspects and needs in order to promote the growth of the others.
Hunger of the soul- denying who I am and trying to be good, be proper, be coy- rather than being the God-loving, earthy, dirt-under-my-nails, hippie-mother to many, who loves freely and loves deeply - starves my soul.
Think about someone who is very focused on their career, who puts off dating and family until that aspect of their intellectual life has reached it's pinacle - often at the expense of their emotional and spritual growth. There are others who are very focused on the physical, spending hour after hour at the gym, but never getting any further in their intellectual development than what is on the TV over the Cardio machines. Others get overly focused on emotional development, losing days upon days of precious time trying to find themselves - or becoming so wrapped up in what they have "been through" that they miss out on what life is offering right this minute. Still others can become immersed in the spiritual aspect of the self, spending all their time trying to be more than the physical, emotional and intellectual beings that we are - and loathing the parts that make us human.
When people in these scenarios are presented with the very thing they have denied themselves, the thing needed to fill that hunger, they realize that they are ravenous, that it has been way too long since....someone kissed them, or they spent time in worship, or they read something that enlightented them and made them feel more alive, or that their heart beat intoxicatingly fast. We are presented with the very thing that we need to fill that hunger, and rather than just eating until we are filled, we gorge ourselves, taking in more and more.
Sometimes we are blessed, and we see the pattern early enough to stop it, push back from the table and wait until the next meal. Other times, the hunger overtakes us- we cannot get enough physical contact, we cannot put the book down, we cannot stop writing or painting, we become immersed in the passion of our faith and think of nothing else, we become an emotional mess. When we are hungry for too long, we are more likely to let the thing we have denied ourselves to take over our lives and to overrule our good judgement.
And so the real question: at what point is getting back into balance a sin, versus a part of the process to get us healthy again? Intent would be my barometer - though there are things on the Big10 list that are non negotiables. Getting back that balance can be messy- sometimes we swing our behavior in the complete opposite direction of where we have been. We dust ourselves off and get back up to try again.
We are called to live a life in balance, taking time to feed all the aspects of who we are.
We are called to be Wholly human beings - feeding our intellect through words and experiences, feeding our emotions through relationship with others, giving and receiving love, and creating something; feeding our physical self through physical affection, healthy eating, activity, and feeding the spiritual self through daily interactions with our Creator.
The soul must be fed, because denying the soul, denying what it is to be human, also puts us at risk for behavior that is out of balance, that is hurtful, that is contrary to who we want to be.
So today, feed your soul: read a book, paint a blue-paint picture, plant something, kiss someone, take a walk, spend time talking to God, tell someone you love them. Feed your soul
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