"I think the intent is great, but what I wonder is, does it help? I've known several situation where a woman has warned another woman about her abusive experience with a man, and the one currently in relationship with him always blows it off. Until it happens to her, of course." This is one of my comments from below - and I wanted to answer it properly.
I did an internet search on Dan before I married him - I did one on Justin as well. We live in a scary world and before you commit your love and live and finances to someone, you should know what you are getting in to. Nothing turned up on Dan because NO ONE else had filed charges - they were all too scared of him - or decided it was too much trouble - so he got away with bullying three families before mine. ( Nothing on Justin either, except a picture in the paper from the 80s)
When I talked to Kim she thanked me for calling her to warn her about Dan. She didn't believe me at the time, and freely admitted that. In this day of ugly divorces, things are hurled without thought - and that is sad because it diminshes the reality of domestic abuse. She did say, though, that if I hadn't told her what had happened - and how he hit my son - and how he had threatened me - that she never would have thought he was dangerous. She said the conversation planted the seed.
That is my intention. TO give women who want to know the truth and opportunity to find it. THey will form their own opinions, but a place to record facts would be helpful.
Thas being said, my girl Steph came up with this site : don't date him girl. I have registered Dan the Ogre and I will put his picture up over the weekend. Men are permittted to issue a rebuttal if they feel they were misrepresented. And that is a good start.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
What do you think?
So I have been toying with this idea - and Justin and I ahve talked about it - so now I want to get some other opinions.
I am thinking of starting a site like Post Secret - only enabling women and children who are survivors of domestic violence to tell their stories. I have been fussing about my own situation for way too long - and I struggle with the knowledge that ours wasn't the first family the Oger messed with - we were the third. Which also means that there was a fourth - and probably will be a fifth. There has to be a way to register these serial abusers - and the courts just don't take care of it.
I don't know how to get around two things:
1. hiding where my posts are posted from
2. Libel - or the situation where someone argues that what it posted is untrue.
I am thinking of starting a site like Post Secret - only enabling women and children who are survivors of domestic violence to tell their stories. I have been fussing about my own situation for way too long - and I struggle with the knowledge that ours wasn't the first family the Oger messed with - we were the third. Which also means that there was a fourth - and probably will be a fifth. There has to be a way to register these serial abusers - and the courts just don't take care of it.
I don't know how to get around two things:
1. hiding where my posts are posted from
2. Libel - or the situation where someone argues that what it posted is untrue.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Another Day - another drama
So my dad's lymphoma is stubborn - of course I woudl expect nothing less of Loner-related cells, we tend to be a bit tenacious. Today he starts the beginning of a new process. They went to Mayo clinic about two weeks ago and were told that he was eligible for a stem-cell ( his own) transplant. If the transplant works, he could be in total remission - and have another 15 years. His other option was to choose to do nothing - and the tumors would overtake his body in about two months. So choosing between a bone marrow transplant and death - not much of a choice really. Let the chemo begin!
And the process starts again today. Dad is going in for a dose of Rituxin, a biological agent that kills specific cells. Then over the weekend he is going to receive the first of three treatments of ICE. Funny how with chemo the names of the poison/medicine are so freaking long that we use nice names like CHOP and ICE. He will probably lose his hair - it will beat up his kidneys, but it will give him a chance.
I am one of those drivers who will take the scenic route and drive an extra 10 miles if it means I avoid a traffic jam and am able to keep moving. It is a family trait - we are action people. So even though there are a lot of reasons why he might choose not to do this whole deal - at least he is able to do something.
As an aside, lymphoma is one of the fastest growing cancer forms in the US. There are a lot of theories, but most of them revolve around pesticide/herbicide exposure. So if you are thinking about going organic, I'd say it was a good idea. Other than spraying for fleas, we don't use any herbicides or pesticides at our house - on purpose.
And the process starts again today. Dad is going in for a dose of Rituxin, a biological agent that kills specific cells. Then over the weekend he is going to receive the first of three treatments of ICE. Funny how with chemo the names of the poison/medicine are so freaking long that we use nice names like CHOP and ICE. He will probably lose his hair - it will beat up his kidneys, but it will give him a chance.
I am one of those drivers who will take the scenic route and drive an extra 10 miles if it means I avoid a traffic jam and am able to keep moving. It is a family trait - we are action people. So even though there are a lot of reasons why he might choose not to do this whole deal - at least he is able to do something.
As an aside, lymphoma is one of the fastest growing cancer forms in the US. There are a lot of theories, but most of them revolve around pesticide/herbicide exposure. So if you are thinking about going organic, I'd say it was a good idea. Other than spraying for fleas, we don't use any herbicides or pesticides at our house - on purpose.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Fear - and a little loathing.
I have been a bit off for the past couple of weeks. I haven't felt good - and I am not sleeping soundly. You know all those bodily aches you get when you carry too much on your shoulders - I know better, but I have those now. It is time to fess up. A part of me is still afraid - and I hate that. Fear is the abscence of faith - and I don't know how much more faithful God could be to us - short of striking Dan the Ogre down with a stray lightening bolt. I want to be stronger than that - I want to just get over it - but it lurks in the back of my mind - the feeling that I should continue to watch my back. And that feeling invades my thoughts in that place where life stops and dreams begin.
I posted this on the "other" site when we got back from Indiana - and I am reposting it as much for myself as for you all. If you are one of my kids - stop reading now
--seriously - and if you read it anyway -
I will put mushy comments all over your MySpace -
just sayin' .
Fear...
Over the weekend I ran into Kim. Kim who started dating Dan the Ogre before I was even notified that I was getting divorced. Kim whose mother called me a tramp when I tried to retrieve my van. Kim who dismissed our friendship and ignored my call to warn her - and broke the girl code by calling him back to tell him we were in the house. Kim who called the police on my kids who were trying to get their things from their home after the Ogre changed all the locks.
Kim - who went to the Women's Shelter and reported the very real threat that Dan the Ogre wanted to kill us - and probably saved our lives. We were walking through W*lm*rt and we passed her. I was filled with all those negative feelings - she made our lives hell for three months because she thoroughly believed the Ogre was right in dealings - and that his occasional comments of "I have to think of a way to kill my wife without getting caught" were just angry divorce ramblings. I pointed her out to my husband and said something uncomplimentary.
Then she came back around, after registering that it was me - and grabbed me in this big bear hug. She said she was so glad to see me alive. Geez - what thing.
She related bits and peices of the story that I didn't know already. But the most haunting thing was the last purchase the Ogre made, right before we moved away. The Ogre had been advised by his lawyer to move away since he couldn't be trusted to leave me alone in spite of asking for the no contact order. He had been living at a house Kim owned and she came by to pick up some things. He told her that he had gotten in late because he had bought a backhoe and lime to use at his house.
yea - that scared the shit out of me too.
You don't buy lime and a backhoe unless you have a lot of things to bury- like a family of four.
And when you are a money-pinching, cheating, adultering, tax-evading fool - you don't spend that kind of money unless you have determined that burying your wife is cheaper than divorcing her.
Kim said that during that same week, her son was working for Dan, he located the shotgun, the one I supposedly stole, up in the attic and that Dan was delighted to have found it. This was two days before he bought the backhoe. These two incidents happened the same week as the papers were finalized - and when she confronted him about it, the night before the final signing, he pushed her, demanded that she leave (it was her house) and she called the police. The next day she went to the women's shelter and that is how I ended up here - a stranger far from home and the people and places I have loved since I was little.
People don't think it can happen to them - they ignore the signs, things that don't add up, words just get uglier and uglier and then one day you are faced with the spectre of the demon before you - who used to be the man you loved. I couldn't sleep well on Saturday night, though usually the lake house brings me a solice I cannot explain - a part of me still wondered if she was full of shit and might have been in league with him. Every sound seemed to be some nefarious sign that he was just outside the window, lurking, waiting. But he never showed up and we came home safe, so maybe, just maybe, she finally understood the warnings were real.
I posted this on the "other" site when we got back from Indiana - and I am reposting it as much for myself as for you all. If you are one of my kids - stop reading now
--seriously - and if you read it anyway -
I will put mushy comments all over your MySpace -
just sayin' .
Fear...
Over the weekend I ran into Kim. Kim who started dating Dan the Ogre before I was even notified that I was getting divorced. Kim whose mother called me a tramp when I tried to retrieve my van. Kim who dismissed our friendship and ignored my call to warn her - and broke the girl code by calling him back to tell him we were in the house. Kim who called the police on my kids who were trying to get their things from their home after the Ogre changed all the locks.
Kim - who went to the Women's Shelter and reported the very real threat that Dan the Ogre wanted to kill us - and probably saved our lives. We were walking through W*lm*rt and we passed her. I was filled with all those negative feelings - she made our lives hell for three months because she thoroughly believed the Ogre was right in dealings - and that his occasional comments of "I have to think of a way to kill my wife without getting caught" were just angry divorce ramblings. I pointed her out to my husband and said something uncomplimentary.
Then she came back around, after registering that it was me - and grabbed me in this big bear hug. She said she was so glad to see me alive. Geez - what thing.
She related bits and peices of the story that I didn't know already. But the most haunting thing was the last purchase the Ogre made, right before we moved away. The Ogre had been advised by his lawyer to move away since he couldn't be trusted to leave me alone in spite of asking for the no contact order. He had been living at a house Kim owned and she came by to pick up some things. He told her that he had gotten in late because he had bought a backhoe and lime to use at his house.
yea - that scared the shit out of me too.
You don't buy lime and a backhoe unless you have a lot of things to bury- like a family of four.
And when you are a money-pinching, cheating, adultering, tax-evading fool - you don't spend that kind of money unless you have determined that burying your wife is cheaper than divorcing her.
Kim said that during that same week, her son was working for Dan, he located the shotgun, the one I supposedly stole, up in the attic and that Dan was delighted to have found it. This was two days before he bought the backhoe. These two incidents happened the same week as the papers were finalized - and when she confronted him about it, the night before the final signing, he pushed her, demanded that she leave (it was her house) and she called the police. The next day she went to the women's shelter and that is how I ended up here - a stranger far from home and the people and places I have loved since I was little.
People don't think it can happen to them - they ignore the signs, things that don't add up, words just get uglier and uglier and then one day you are faced with the spectre of the demon before you - who used to be the man you loved. I couldn't sleep well on Saturday night, though usually the lake house brings me a solice I cannot explain - a part of me still wondered if she was full of shit and might have been in league with him. Every sound seemed to be some nefarious sign that he was just outside the window, lurking, waiting. But he never showed up and we came home safe, so maybe, just maybe, she finally understood the warnings were real.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Do Over
Being part of a family is hard. Sometimes more than one of you is having a crisis - and then there is no one to take the lead - and things get a little harried, assumptions get made, and we slip into bad habits. It happens, a natural part of being human. We have had a couple of days like that - oh wait - a couple of months like that.
The testament to who a person really is would be the way they handle criticism. Do they always need to be right or do they posess the ability to say - holy moley, I sure do that and had no idea it was so annoying. Word to the wise - marry the person capable of saying that, even if they skip the holy moley part. We are human, we screw up, we start over. It happens.
There is a scene from Runaway Bride where Richard Gere (who I tolerated because I liked this movie) says what he thought the perfect marriage proposal would be:
"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me. " courtesy of IMDB
The past year has been full of changes - lost job, lost loves, sick parents, lots of trips, exs and arguments, teenagers finding their way... you get the picture - every day life surrounds us. But add to that a chance encounter with the Ogre's ex-girlfriend last weekend- who went into explicit detail about his very real plan to kill me and my family - and I am a bit overly emotional. Everyone has to live through some junk - but I guess what I really wanted to say is that I am so thankful I don't have to do it alone - even when we don't agree.
The testament to who a person really is would be the way they handle criticism. Do they always need to be right or do they posess the ability to say - holy moley, I sure do that and had no idea it was so annoying. Word to the wise - marry the person capable of saying that, even if they skip the holy moley part. We are human, we screw up, we start over. It happens.
There is a scene from Runaway Bride where Richard Gere (who I tolerated because I liked this movie) says what he thought the perfect marriage proposal would be:
"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me. " courtesy of IMDB
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
omitted information
Do you know what a lie of omission is? I am not sure if it is a Catholic thing - a part of the huge list of sins and shortcomings you can consider when it is time to make amends during Confession - or if it applies to lots of people. A lie of omission is when you do something - or know that there is something you should tell someone about - but you don't tell them.
Like when your mom calls and says how was your trip. You answer that the trip was fine - which is the truth. It was the huge 10 car pile up you were involved in which wasn't fine , but that wasn't a part of the trip exactly. So you didn't tell her something untrue - you just didn't tell her the whole story.
When you don't have the whole story you make assessments and decisions based on faulty information - and that is both disconcerting - and dangerous. It is, for the most part, better to come clean - than to be found out later and have to apologize both for the situation and the withholding of the truth.
Sorry if I am a bit overly maternal today - perhaps it is just the mood I am in - or the fact that most of my days are spent in the throes of mothering. I felt the need to explain this today because I think sometimes people think it is more kind not to tell the whole story - not to burden people - when in fact it is a lie of omission. And that is STILL a lie.
Like when your mom calls and says how was your trip. You answer that the trip was fine - which is the truth. It was the huge 10 car pile up you were involved in which wasn't fine , but that wasn't a part of the trip exactly. So you didn't tell her something untrue - you just didn't tell her the whole story.
When you don't have the whole story you make assessments and decisions based on faulty information - and that is both disconcerting - and dangerous. It is, for the most part, better to come clean - than to be found out later and have to apologize both for the situation and the withholding of the truth.
Sorry if I am a bit overly maternal today - perhaps it is just the mood I am in - or the fact that most of my days are spent in the throes of mothering. I felt the need to explain this today because I think sometimes people think it is more kind not to tell the whole story - not to burden people - when in fact it is a lie of omission. And that is STILL a lie.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Back Home, Sunday, where there is more than corn in Indiana
Picture one is our family. Picture two is my brother, dad and me. Mom was behind the camera!! These are from Father's Day at Indiana Beach - where they have the most phenomenal brunch buffet with Eggs Benedict, fresh sausages and bacon, biscuits and gravy, potatoes - but oddly, no corn! We indulged our sweet tooth - eclairs, chocolate mousse, Reese's peanut butter cheesecake, fresh strawberries and most importantly - DONUTS and JUICE! We won't require any sugar now for .... well at least until next Father's Day.
This is a family tradition - taking my dad to the Roof Garden for breakfast. My parents got engaged out on the docks at Indiana Beach - a spot they can see from the dining area at the restaurant. We roamed the beach weekend after weekend, growing up and we've watched hundreds of ski shows there munching on corn dogs from the Pronto Princess. As teenagers, we even went to a couple of dances at the teen club - but that is a whole other story. When we go there, it really feels like we are home since there are so many good childhood memories .
The wet weather was a big plus, since the place was nearly vacant and we only waited 15 minutes, where in other years we have waited as long as 2 hours for a seat. It was great, we ate too much- and the kids were pretty sedate on the ride home!
Back Home Again Saturday
I had talked to my folks after they finished up at Mayo - and they were on thier way home Saturday morning. When we found out that they were not going to be home Saturday - I sent out a cuopel fo quick e-mails to some old friends - hoping we could have lunch together at the lake on Saturday. But they went out too late - two of my friends never even responded. However, all was not lost, our friend, Jerry, from Lebanon ( the city) came up and joined us. It was lovely and relaxing and much needed. We grilled out, layed in the sun, the kids and my brother went fishing and we swam and played frisbee in the water. No one escaped the sunburn, though.
Back home again - Friday
The alarm clock rang at 4am - we have to leave early to miss rush hour traffic - since we go through a two time changes on my way home. We planned to feed and water everyone, I had the car packed - and the kids in and we were off a little after 5. Unfortunately, when you wake the kids up to move them - they get goofy - so we spent the next thirty minutes in near terror at the prospect of three kids - goofy sleepy and giddy - not sleeping for the next ten hours.
Our fears were unfounded - once we hit the interstate adn I cranked up the country music - they were out. The drive up was great - we made good time until we hit Indy. Now let me say, the following was not my husbands fault - but the companies he was dealing with were just a cluster mess - and they have convinced my with theri stupidity that we never want to do business with them again.
He was supposed to be sent a check to a local office Thursday night - when he drove over, all the cashiers had gone, so he didn't get a check. Then they offered to wire the money to him. THat was great until we found out half way to Indiana that the money never made it. So option three was to stop in Indy, get a check and then find a way to deposit the money in our accounts - which are not in Indiana. I called our bank, got addresses for their local ATMs. We went to two fo hte four addresses - both machines were withdrawl only. Seriously, customer service gave us the wrong addresses. Wanting to avoid another wasted stop, I called them back - and the person confirmed that all locations in Indiana are withdrawl only. Great. So now we are onto plan number 4 - we go back to the bank on which the check is drawn, and here there is a bit of miscommunication ( caused by operating a vehicle for 9 hours after getting about 4 hours sleep) I suggested getting cash for immediate transfer - then a cashiers check for the bulk of the amount - since fees for wiring money are usually based on the amount of the transfer. All he heard was cashiers check - so that is what he came out with. We took a little detour (next paragraph) then we failed at two more attempts to wire the money. It was a hell of a thing which could have been avoided had the people way up option 1 actually cut the check.
THE DETOUR: A lovely girl I went to high school with met a man in Santorini, Greece and when they got married - they opened this little restaurant, Santorini's Greek Kitchen. And oh my gosh, he can COOK! We overspent - but indulged in a great meal, complete with gyros, dolmades, pastitsio, and galaktoboriko at the end. Made all the other money stuff less annoying.
They are celebrating their 5th year - and if you are ever in Indy - it is worth a stop.
Well, we got to the lake house, later than expected, but in one piece - there was no phone and no internet, but my brother was there and things were calm - so we settled in for the night.
Our fears were unfounded - once we hit the interstate adn I cranked up the country music - they were out. The drive up was great - we made good time until we hit Indy. Now let me say, the following was not my husbands fault - but the companies he was dealing with were just a cluster mess - and they have convinced my with theri stupidity that we never want to do business with them again.
He was supposed to be sent a check to a local office Thursday night - when he drove over, all the cashiers had gone, so he didn't get a check. Then they offered to wire the money to him. THat was great until we found out half way to Indiana that the money never made it. So option three was to stop in Indy, get a check and then find a way to deposit the money in our accounts - which are not in Indiana. I called our bank, got addresses for their local ATMs. We went to two fo hte four addresses - both machines were withdrawl only. Seriously, customer service gave us the wrong addresses. Wanting to avoid another wasted stop, I called them back - and the person confirmed that all locations in Indiana are withdrawl only. Great. So now we are onto plan number 4 - we go back to the bank on which the check is drawn, and here there is a bit of miscommunication ( caused by operating a vehicle for 9 hours after getting about 4 hours sleep) I suggested getting cash for immediate transfer - then a cashiers check for the bulk of the amount - since fees for wiring money are usually based on the amount of the transfer. All he heard was cashiers check - so that is what he came out with. We took a little detour (next paragraph) then we failed at two more attempts to wire the money. It was a hell of a thing which could have been avoided had the people way up option 1 actually cut the check.
THE DETOUR: A lovely girl I went to high school with met a man in Santorini, Greece and when they got married - they opened this little restaurant, Santorini's Greek Kitchen. And oh my gosh, he can COOK! We overspent - but indulged in a great meal, complete with gyros, dolmades, pastitsio, and galaktoboriko at the end. Made all the other money stuff less annoying.
They are celebrating their 5th year - and if you are ever in Indy - it is worth a stop.
Well, we got to the lake house, later than expected, but in one piece - there was no phone and no internet, but my brother was there and things were calm - so we settled in for the night.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
An Update from the Front
At 12:40 I got two messages: 1. My co worker is nearly done with surgery and is expected to come through it just fine.
2. My dad finished up with the docs at Mayo and will be getting a new series of PET scans, CAT scans and bloodwork. He met with a Hemotologist this morning - and was impressed. Mom liked his slick black suit . They are going to set him up for a bone marrow transplant - using his own bone marrow - in a couple weeks. He will come home on a platinum-based chemotherapy
pills - so finally this chemo thing will pay off with a platinum plated potty upstairs.
Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers.
2. My dad finished up with the docs at Mayo and will be getting a new series of PET scans, CAT scans and bloodwork. He met with a Hemotologist this morning - and was impressed. Mom liked his slick black suit . They are going to set him up for a bone marrow transplant - using his own bone marrow - in a couple weeks. He will come home on a platinum-based chemotherapy
pills - so finally this chemo thing will pay off with a platinum plated potty upstairs.
Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Life goes on...
Today is my parent's 47th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, they are on their way to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to see another oncologist. My dad's lymphoma just won't stay in remission, and has been complicated by an opportunistic infection of mycobacterium xenopi, a slow growing bug that is living in his lungs. He is on antibiotics to treat the infection, but those are hard on the liver - complicating things. He was not given much hope at the Indiana University Med Center, The Cancer Treatment Centers of America turned him down - so Mayo is next on the list. He is taking this well, of course he is, he's a loner. We have had some serious discussions about dying and living and all those things that go through your mind when you are sick. But he isn't ready to give up the fight yet - it's a loner thing ( you know, if there is a problem stop talking about it and fix it).
One of the nurse's I work with is having open heart surgery Wednesday. She lives alone, though she will have some help from extended family afterewards. Throughout most of her preliminary stuff, though, she was accompanied by friends from work - not family. That must have been really tough on her. Keep Nancy in your prayers as this will be a long recovery for her. As an aside, I had a chance at a job interview this week - making more money for another company - but because the only time they can interview me is the day of her surgery, I have opted not to leave my coworkers short. It means passing up the opportunity - and in the grand scheme of things, I am sure it will work out - though I would like that more money thing right about now.
And joyful news: one of my other coworkers went home to San Antonio last week for a wedding. Her brothers got together, decided they wanted her to stop working her socks off and move home. So they presented her with the family homestead and a job in the family insurance company - so that she will be able to be home and have money. I am so sad to see her go - she is so much fun to have around - but I am so happy for her.
One of the nurse's I work with is having open heart surgery Wednesday. She lives alone, though she will have some help from extended family afterewards. Throughout most of her preliminary stuff, though, she was accompanied by friends from work - not family. That must have been really tough on her. Keep Nancy in your prayers as this will be a long recovery for her. As an aside, I had a chance at a job interview this week - making more money for another company - but because the only time they can interview me is the day of her surgery, I have opted not to leave my coworkers short. It means passing up the opportunity - and in the grand scheme of things, I am sure it will work out - though I would like that more money thing right about now.
And joyful news: one of my other coworkers went home to San Antonio last week for a wedding. Her brothers got together, decided they wanted her to stop working her socks off and move home. So they presented her with the family homestead and a job in the family insurance company - so that she will be able to be home and have money. I am so sad to see her go - she is so much fun to have around - but I am so happy for her.
Monday, June 12, 2006
What's one more...
We decided, after inhaling some cool air that we would go with Summer and Ian to dinner. Ian has a wonderful book on US tourist sites which has a picture of a Navajo couple on the front. How funny, that a tour book actually pictured some of the true Native Americans on the front. After listening patiently to me gush about the Beauty of the Reservation and the Navajo people, Ian found the page with the restaurant information. The ad promised bar food - and it sounded great ( we were not disappointed - the food was excellent) It was a good ways away - but we trotted off optimistically.
Then we got out of the air conditioning and into the warm evening. We had already walked for about 3 1/2 hours at Rock City - so we decided to take the trolley to the restaurant. This weekend was also RiverFest, so the trolley was crowded. I followed Jake on the trolley and stood at the back of the bus, holding on the handrail, followed by Justin, Josh, Ian and Summer.
The boys were standing, but Summer was able to get a seat near a nice woman, who told her that they should scoot down so that her mother ( me) could have a seat.
Now I am not sure if she thought Ian was one of my kids as well, since she didn't say. But either I looked 10 years older after being outside all morning - or Summer's girlish good looks belied her age. Either way, for a moment there - I got to be Summer's mom - and I got a seat on the trolley - so I am not complaining.
We got a good chuckle out of it later, with Summer saying she looked like she was only 15. Jake who was sitting next to her, dreamy eyed, took that opportunity. He asked if she was really only 15 and moved his chair closer, thinking maybe he could have a shot against that older Irish guy. But Summer reassured him that she was out of his range - and a couple years older than 15. He said " summer... that is my favorite season." and giggled in the way that middle school kids do when they are trying to be charming.
Then we got out of the air conditioning and into the warm evening. We had already walked for about 3 1/2 hours at Rock City - so we decided to take the trolley to the restaurant. This weekend was also RiverFest, so the trolley was crowded. I followed Jake on the trolley and stood at the back of the bus, holding on the handrail, followed by Justin, Josh, Ian and Summer.
The boys were standing, but Summer was able to get a seat near a nice woman, who told her that they should scoot down so that her mother ( me) could have a seat.
Now I am not sure if she thought Ian was one of my kids as well, since she didn't say. But either I looked 10 years older after being outside all morning - or Summer's girlish good looks belied her age. Either way, for a moment there - I got to be Summer's mom - and I got a seat on the trolley - so I am not complaining.
We got a good chuckle out of it later, with Summer saying she looked like she was only 15. Jake who was sitting next to her, dreamy eyed, took that opportunity. He asked if she was really only 15 and moved his chair closer, thinking maybe he could have a shot against that older Irish guy. But Summer reassured him that she was out of his range - and a couple years older than 15. He said " summer... that is my favorite season." and giggled in the way that middle school kids do when they are trying to be charming.
See Rock City!
Saturday morning came with temperatures in the 90s before 9 am. It was gonna be a scorcher. We had two extra teenagers, friends of Josh's, who were joining us for breakfast after spending the night playing PlayStation. I am so impressed by the kids he has befriended - smart kids who are good to one another - they are still boys and I don't think for a second that they avoid trouble all the time - but they are good kids.
I got up early, took Bear to work at 7am - then came home and started working on the house. It is a never ending battle - but Saturday was going to be a magnificent day, and work is always easier if it is a magnificent day.
Breakfast included the usual: sausages, bacon, and for the boys - Krispy Kreme donuts.
By 10:30 we were scootching them out the door - which felt a bit inhospitable - but we had places to go.
We got to Chatanooga a little later than planned - but it was worth the drive because we met up with Ian!!!
Now, if you read Ian's writings, you already know what a great sense of humor he has - but his spirit is infectious. It was like meeting up with an old friend - though this was the first time we were in the same zip code. Funny how that works out. The boys were unimpressed - initially - but by the end of Rock City, he had won them over as well. Ian probably heard more about Star Wars and movies and Playstation than he ever wanted to hear in his life - but he was a good sport.
We drove up the mountain to see Rock City. I have passed those barns and signs for as long as I can remember - never dreamed it would be anything more than a hokey roadside stop. I was wrong.
Rock City was beautifully landscaped, slated steps, dogwood trees, moss covered passages, cool stones, which felt wonderful to the touch on a hot day, wind tunnels, breathtaking overlooks. The perfect setting to relax and chat - affording all of us time to just be.
When the photographer asked to take a famliy picture - we adopted Ian and included him in the picture - he got a digital picture - so maybe he can post that.
Later in the day, we met up with Summer - he calls her sweetie -and she is aptly named.
For now, I have to get back to work - I'll fill in more details in a bit! Happy Monday!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Three Sisters Planting
Someone posting this in a webgroup I belong to, and it struck me how odd it is anymore to see people who do mixed planting - when it used to be what the First People planted here. I may try this and let you know how it goes!
"The way we did it, where I was raised:
Dig hole with stick.
Put dead fish and Tobacco in bottom.
Say prayers.
Add 7 corn seeds.
Add earth.
Add Tobacco, say prayers.
Add four squash seeds.
More Tobacco and prayers.
Add earth.
Add seven bean seeds.
Add earth.
Add Tobacco, say prayers, fill up hole with earth.
Go away.
Come back every month or so.
No tilled garden, just a spot where the sunlight would reach in wooded areas.
Corn grows up. Beans climb corn. Squash covers ground and retains moisture.
Harvest as ready, offer prayers of appreciation and thanksgiving."
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Looking for Divine Intervention
Show me the Way to go home I'm tired and I wanna go to bed....
My dad is sick again. He got results last week that confirmed his lymphoma is still not in remission - so two sets of treatment later, he has had a total of 7 months remission over the last year or so. Not too snazzy. He talked to my girl Stephanie's dad a coupel of days ago about the Cancer Treatment Centers in Chicago - and I hope he can get seen there. Otherwise he is off to the world of drug trials. I feel like our time together is so very precious - and I hate to be so far away.
I miss my family - I hate that my mom has to sit alone while waiting for surgery to be complete - or a treatment or CAT scan - it just sucks to have spent all those years at home, only to find that when you are really needed - you are 10 hours away.
I really miss the lakehouse - and the ability to blow a whole day out on the lake - or roaming Indiana Beach. There is magic in those places we grow up - something that nourishes our essence more than we can imagine.
I like my life here - but much of it could be transposed to Indiana without much difficulty - they have farms and barns and land and nursing jobs there too. But there is also the spectre of my huge family - much of which is there. I miss that. Though Justin's family has been supportive, it just isn't the same as having your own. And I miss my girlfriends - most of whom are still in Indiana - and now even my buddy Lora may be moving back - so the pot is sweetened even more. Justin is still looking for work - something he could do in Indiana as well.
And yet, I know that we are here for a reason. There are things about Indiana I don't miss - like the ice and the hilljack, backward thinking of the local police- and I hate the idea of moving the kids back - even if it is to somewhere they have been before. Bear is settled on going to college here - and she has a scholarship to help with it. I would hate to have her in one state and me in another. I have this internal debate going on, and I wish I could squash it.
So I did, once again, what I always do - I sent out some resumes, looked at some houses ( including 18 acres riverside with a barn) and we'll see what happens. If it is meant to be - we'll go, if not, we'll stay.
My dad is sick again. He got results last week that confirmed his lymphoma is still not in remission - so two sets of treatment later, he has had a total of 7 months remission over the last year or so. Not too snazzy. He talked to my girl Stephanie's dad a coupel of days ago about the Cancer Treatment Centers in Chicago - and I hope he can get seen there. Otherwise he is off to the world of drug trials. I feel like our time together is so very precious - and I hate to be so far away.
I miss my family - I hate that my mom has to sit alone while waiting for surgery to be complete - or a treatment or CAT scan - it just sucks to have spent all those years at home, only to find that when you are really needed - you are 10 hours away.
I really miss the lakehouse - and the ability to blow a whole day out on the lake - or roaming Indiana Beach. There is magic in those places we grow up - something that nourishes our essence more than we can imagine.
I like my life here - but much of it could be transposed to Indiana without much difficulty - they have farms and barns and land and nursing jobs there too. But there is also the spectre of my huge family - much of which is there. I miss that. Though Justin's family has been supportive, it just isn't the same as having your own. And I miss my girlfriends - most of whom are still in Indiana - and now even my buddy Lora may be moving back - so the pot is sweetened even more. Justin is still looking for work - something he could do in Indiana as well.
And yet, I know that we are here for a reason. There are things about Indiana I don't miss - like the ice and the hilljack, backward thinking of the local police- and I hate the idea of moving the kids back - even if it is to somewhere they have been before. Bear is settled on going to college here - and she has a scholarship to help with it. I would hate to have her in one state and me in another. I have this internal debate going on, and I wish I could squash it.
So I did, once again, what I always do - I sent out some resumes, looked at some houses ( including 18 acres riverside with a barn) and we'll see what happens. If it is meant to be - we'll go, if not, we'll stay.
the cooler
You know that cooler that I remembered yesterday morning - the one I was instructed to bring in immediately on Monday night? I forgot it - until this morning when I looked at the comments on yesterday's post. Could have been ugly but instead -
it had a TWIX cake inside - there was chocolate and carmel and little pieces of twix bars everywhere. The mother in law - has just moved up a notch in the rankings.
Oh yea - and for today - to hell with the diet - I am enjoying another peice of cake!!!
it had a TWIX cake inside - there was chocolate and carmel and little pieces of twix bars everywhere. The mother in law - has just moved up a notch in the rankings.
Oh yea - and for today - to hell with the diet - I am enjoying another peice of cake!!!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Forty
Today is the big day - and oddly enough, I don't feel any older.
Justin says he didn't mind being married to a forty year old woman as much as he thought he might - of course he was delerious since we were still awake when it struck midnight and my birthday started - so I didn't make him sleep out with the goats.
My brother, Davey, called at 6:30 to make sure he said happy birthday
My folks sent me a care package - including several perfect presents - flocked work gloves, a great spinner with a lady bug for my garden, and an ice cream scoop with a sharp edge. I will be trying it out with birthday cake tonight!!! Mom also picked out a ceramic jar with sunflowers. It is a "little box" and I am sure that is why she sent it.I am a pack rat. I have about fifty - or more like a hundred - little boxes with stuff in them. One with lip balm, one with jewelry, one with old movie stubs - seriously - just stuff. So now I have another little box to put at the bedside!
We went swimming with my inlaws last night - and in a surprise move, my mother in law gave me some beautiful flowers and a check for a birthday present. It was very thoughtful - and unexpected. They also gave me a cooler with the strict admonishon to take it inside....and I just now remembered it the next morning - so I am off to the parking lot ot go retrieve the cooler!!!
Hope today finds you well
And if you need some 666 humor - here is a cute spot I found.
Justin says he didn't mind being married to a forty year old woman as much as he thought he might - of course he was delerious since we were still awake when it struck midnight and my birthday started - so I didn't make him sleep out with the goats.
My brother, Davey, called at 6:30 to make sure he said happy birthday
My folks sent me a care package - including several perfect presents - flocked work gloves, a great spinner with a lady bug for my garden, and an ice cream scoop with a sharp edge. I will be trying it out with birthday cake tonight!!! Mom also picked out a ceramic jar with sunflowers. It is a "little box" and I am sure that is why she sent it.I am a pack rat. I have about fifty - or more like a hundred - little boxes with stuff in them. One with lip balm, one with jewelry, one with old movie stubs - seriously - just stuff. So now I have another little box to put at the bedside!
We went swimming with my inlaws last night - and in a surprise move, my mother in law gave me some beautiful flowers and a check for a birthday present. It was very thoughtful - and unexpected. They also gave me a cooler with the strict admonishon to take it inside....and I just now remembered it the next morning - so I am off to the parking lot ot go retrieve the cooler!!!
Hope today finds you well
And if you need some 666 humor - here is a cute spot I found.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Dismay in the House of Love
Did you ever fall in love with the person whom you thought was your "match" - the soulmate - the one according to every sappy movie you have ever seen?
One of my girlfirends did - and being in love with him transformed her. She finished her degree, dared to start a new life away from a not very nice ex husband - and eventally got gastric bypass surgery to reclaim her body as well. It has been a joy, for the most part - watching her with grandkids and mulling over the life of a married woman.
They have been struggling - as couples do. You know that as soon as that honeymoon phase disappears, and you see clearly the person you have committed your life to, things shift a bit. But despite the reality of the person before you, a promise is a promise.
I wish there was a way to help her through this - I wish he had been faithful, I wish those feelings that something was wrong were unfounded. But My girl has a get out of jail free card - and a chance to start over. It is bittersweet - he was her "one" and he threw it away. He let fear take over - fear of losing her - so he pushed her to a place where she cannot stay. A woman can tolerate a lot of things, but infidelity crosses the line for most of us.
There is nothing more tragic than to see two people who have found real true love - and then somehow lose it. Think about how hard it is to find love in the first place. Yep - losing it is way past tragic.
I stood up at their wedding, but I will be the first one to encourage her to let him go. No woman deserves that.
One of my girlfirends did - and being in love with him transformed her. She finished her degree, dared to start a new life away from a not very nice ex husband - and eventally got gastric bypass surgery to reclaim her body as well. It has been a joy, for the most part - watching her with grandkids and mulling over the life of a married woman.
They have been struggling - as couples do. You know that as soon as that honeymoon phase disappears, and you see clearly the person you have committed your life to, things shift a bit. But despite the reality of the person before you, a promise is a promise.
I wish there was a way to help her through this - I wish he had been faithful, I wish those feelings that something was wrong were unfounded. But My girl has a get out of jail free card - and a chance to start over. It is bittersweet - he was her "one" and he threw it away. He let fear take over - fear of losing her - so he pushed her to a place where she cannot stay. A woman can tolerate a lot of things, but infidelity crosses the line for most of us.
There is nothing more tragic than to see two people who have found real true love - and then somehow lose it. Think about how hard it is to find love in the first place. Yep - losing it is way past tragic.
I stood up at their wedding, but I will be the first one to encourage her to let him go. No woman deserves that.
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