Looking for Divine Intervention

Show me the Way to go home I'm tired and I wanna go to bed....
My dad is sick again. He got results last week that confirmed his lymphoma is still not in remission - so two sets of treatment later, he has had a total of 7 months remission over the last year or so. Not too snazzy. He talked to my girl Stephanie's dad a coupel of days ago about the Cancer Treatment Centers in Chicago - and I hope he can get seen there. Otherwise he is off to the world of drug trials. I feel like our time together is so very precious - and I hate to be so far away.

I miss my family - I hate that my mom has to sit alone while waiting for surgery to be complete - or a treatment or CAT scan - it just sucks to have spent all those years at home, only to find that when you are really needed - you are 10 hours away.

I really miss the lakehouse - and the ability to blow a whole day out on the lake - or roaming Indiana Beach. There is magic in those places we grow up - something that nourishes our essence more than we can imagine.

I like my life here - but much of it could be transposed to Indiana without much difficulty - they have farms and barns and land and nursing jobs there too. But there is also the spectre of my huge family - much of which is there. I miss that. Though Justin's family has been supportive, it just isn't the same as having your own. And I miss my girlfriends - most of whom are still in Indiana - and now even my buddy Lora may be moving back - so the pot is sweetened even more. Justin is still looking for work - something he could do in Indiana as well.

And yet, I know that we are here for a reason. There are things about Indiana I don't miss - like the ice and the hilljack, backward thinking of the local police- and I hate the idea of moving the kids back - even if it is to somewhere they have been before. Bear is settled on going to college here - and she has a scholarship to help with it. I would hate to have her in one state and me in another. I have this internal debate going on, and I wish I could squash it.

So I did, once again, what I always do - I sent out some resumes, looked at some houses ( including 18 acres riverside with a barn) and we'll see what happens. If it is meant to be - we'll go, if not, we'll stay.