The Nature of the Father

What do I know about God - not much. Seems the more I learn about Him, the more there is to know. Twleve years of Catholic school and hundreds of books on apologetics and theology and saints and faith - and still the full nature of God eludes me. Yet He has been my comfort and my source of strength when the days are long. He has been the "one who loved me" even when I was alone. I remember during a lesson at church, I think on Father's Day, the priest was talking about how we develop our perception of God. For many of us, God the Father is a reflection - at least partially - of the character of our own father. This places an enormous burden on fathers, to be good examples not only to their families, but to also keep in mind that their actions translate to the image of God in their own children. For my children, who have not had a consistent father in their lives ever, this could be a problem. We have stayed active in church, but I wonder if God has more maternal traits because they are being raised by a mother.

In my case, however, I never felt like a "sinner in the hands of an angry God" because my father is a benevolent dictator. He has ultimate power, and will use it to make decisions when I cannot, but he does what he decides out of love for his family. My image of God, as one would imagine, is very similar. God calls me out when I need it ( something my Protestant friends call conviction), He gives me chance after chance to get it right ( spoken from a woman who has walked the aisle a couple of times) and more importantly, when I pray for Him to be clear about what I should do and where I should veer, He is plain as day ( ie a call from both the Women's Shelter and my lawyer that we were in danger and needed to leave). My father, after studying the visions at Medjugoria, decided we should read Maria Valtorte's Poem of the Man God, which recounts her visions of the life of Christ. My view of God has never been the same. He is real, He has a sense of humor ( not sure? Check out a platypus)and more importantly, He acts on the love He claims to have for me.

This past year has been difficult, as I referred to in an earlier post, but I never felt like God had abandoned me. Maybe overestimated my abilities, but stood there to catch me nonetheless. I can hear echoes of my own father " You will take responsibility for your actions, you will take care of these kids and you will be fine".

Every sparrow ever pushed out of the nest knows that when the final moment comes - a part of you thinks the parent is mean or cruel to push you out and make you fend for yourself. But after that moment is the joy and freedom of knowing you did something. During each trial, there is the feeling that I have been put to the fire, and yet, rather than melting, I am burnished and my metal is stronger.

I heard Max Lucado speak about how God loves us as nearly irrational. He loves us more than we can imagine, He chases after us even when we ignore Him and He gives us a chance to come back to love Him until the last breath leaves our lips. If a person did this we would say they were obsessed - but it is exactly that kind of love that could motivate the use of a sinless soul to pay for the debt of sinners.

The odd thing is that a good father has traits that are common to both moms and dads. He is stern when needed, and able to comfort when the occasion calls for nurturing. He is both protector and partner in creation, he is willing to risk the love and approval of a child by being honest, constructively correcting flaws before they ruin a life. A good parent has both sides, using each one at the appropriate time - listening, comforting , chastising, and picking up the pieces when the world turns inside out.