I have been online what seems like all morning - trying to get more information about lymphoma and treatments and what all of the results mean. I wonder as I look through, if being screened as a bone marrow donor might end up helping my dad in the long run, I read through all the information I can find about the previous clinical trials and how well they worked.
Mostly, I have been looking for something to reassure me that it will be okay - that he won't hurt, that there is something I can help with. Honestly, it isn't there. I can be support, but I can't fix this. The realization is a bit overwhelming, since fixing things seems to always fall to me - but I can't do anything.
So now I can think about is some palliative coping on my part, some distraction, something else to focus on - and there is not one ounce of my body that wants to be at the hospital today trying to meet the needs of others - I really want a day away. I am thinking about making a trip to look at appliances - or check out paint colors - or pick up some tools for the house - and probably I will make that stop on the way home - to burn up some steam before I have to go back to taking care of the boys. Luckily - tomorrow will be a busy and distracting day with the closing - then planning our move. I am ready for a nap and my brain is tired.
1 comment:
Luckily, I know of someone who likes to take care of you. Tonight, we can sit down with some hooch, relax a bit and not do anything stressful. I know exactly how you feel, having been there more than once (even recently) myself. If I can get out of here by a decent hour, I'll come home and take care of you.
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