There are moments and events that define where your future will go. Most importantly to me is being in the Place where God wants me to be - even though sometimes it is not where I necessarily want to be. Whenever a choice has been made with that thought in mind, things have turned out WAY better than I could have ever imagined. Maybe it was chance, but I like to believe that my faith is rewarded on occasion.
Tomorrow will contain such a moment, where things might change drastically for my family.
Please keep us in your prayers - and as always, pray that I will have enough sense to hear His voice and do His will when I make my choices.
And now - silence until the whole thing is over tomorrow.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
How to be a Single Parent gracefully
I know this is a little off kilter, but in dealing with the ex last week, and trying to get the bad taste out of my mouth, I thought maybe sharing what I learned from other single moms might be helpful and cathartic.
1. Be the person your kids think you are. If in the forefront of your mind, you filter your decisions by the idealistic vision your kids have of you, most choices will be the right ones. My kids knew I would never be the one to cheat on my husband, that I would never steal all the money in the joint checking account, that I would not take things that didn't belong to me and that I would be fair in dividing up the bills and assets. They knew that I would not trash talk about the ex, and since that is the person they think I am, that is the way I behaved.
2. Take the high road. Some people think that during a divorce they are allowed to use the intimate knowledge gained in marriage to "out" their spouse - to tell all the world what a jerk the spouse was. I have always seen this as distasteful and though there are times I have to vent about bad behavior, it is not the same as saying someone is a bad person. Even good people behave badly at times. Find one person that you can vent to in confidence, so that you don't have a chest full of venom that pops loose randomly and inappropriately.
3. Remember that it takes two to tango. Even if your spouse was predominantly at fault (for example, if they committed adultery or just up and left), choices are made by both people and if the marriage is ending, it is an opportunity for you to look at what you could improve on as a person.
4. Consider the source. People say lots of things not based in fact when they are hurt or angry. When insults are hurled, it is good to look for a grain of truth. I was told I am a bad housekeeper - and the truth is, housekeeping is not my strongpoint. Actually, I suck at keeping house. But I am good at providing for my family monetarily and emotionally and making sure we get to church - so I'll just have to work on those other skills - after the kids are all gone and I get my gardening done.
5. Just because someone else is being an ass doesn't mean you get to be. Now when the occasion calls for it, you may have to stand up for yourself, but fighting just because the other person wants to fight is a poor reason. Stay calm and logical and don't get drawn into petty arguments. Choosing your battles is rule number one in single parenting - it is the only way to conserve your energy and retain some sense of self - so only fight a worthwhile fight.
6. Secure your future. Go back to school, finish a degree, accept a promotion, get a job with good insurance, and fill out your will. Working full time while going to nursing school was no picnic, I was way past tired, but looking back, my income has more than doubled since that time - and I can afford to take care of my kids, even when the child support doesn't come in. Don't leave things to chance, when you are the single parent, you have to be self-reliant.
7. Believe in love. If your heart is broken, let it heal slowly. When I couldn't take it anymore I moved my job to provide care for the poorest of the poor. It helped me see my blessings, it helped me see the resilience of the human spirit, and I saw people who genuinely loved each other - confirming my suspicions that love can in fact exist between two adults. if you can't change your job, invest some time volunteering at a shelter, or food pantry, or soup kitchen. That will help keep things in perspective.
1. Be the person your kids think you are. If in the forefront of your mind, you filter your decisions by the idealistic vision your kids have of you, most choices will be the right ones. My kids knew I would never be the one to cheat on my husband, that I would never steal all the money in the joint checking account, that I would not take things that didn't belong to me and that I would be fair in dividing up the bills and assets. They knew that I would not trash talk about the ex, and since that is the person they think I am, that is the way I behaved.
2. Take the high road. Some people think that during a divorce they are allowed to use the intimate knowledge gained in marriage to "out" their spouse - to tell all the world what a jerk the spouse was. I have always seen this as distasteful and though there are times I have to vent about bad behavior, it is not the same as saying someone is a bad person. Even good people behave badly at times. Find one person that you can vent to in confidence, so that you don't have a chest full of venom that pops loose randomly and inappropriately.
3. Remember that it takes two to tango. Even if your spouse was predominantly at fault (for example, if they committed adultery or just up and left), choices are made by both people and if the marriage is ending, it is an opportunity for you to look at what you could improve on as a person.
4. Consider the source. People say lots of things not based in fact when they are hurt or angry. When insults are hurled, it is good to look for a grain of truth. I was told I am a bad housekeeper - and the truth is, housekeeping is not my strongpoint. Actually, I suck at keeping house. But I am good at providing for my family monetarily and emotionally and making sure we get to church - so I'll just have to work on those other skills - after the kids are all gone and I get my gardening done.
5. Just because someone else is being an ass doesn't mean you get to be. Now when the occasion calls for it, you may have to stand up for yourself, but fighting just because the other person wants to fight is a poor reason. Stay calm and logical and don't get drawn into petty arguments. Choosing your battles is rule number one in single parenting - it is the only way to conserve your energy and retain some sense of self - so only fight a worthwhile fight.
6. Secure your future. Go back to school, finish a degree, accept a promotion, get a job with good insurance, and fill out your will. Working full time while going to nursing school was no picnic, I was way past tired, but looking back, my income has more than doubled since that time - and I can afford to take care of my kids, even when the child support doesn't come in. Don't leave things to chance, when you are the single parent, you have to be self-reliant.
7. Believe in love. If your heart is broken, let it heal slowly. When I couldn't take it anymore I moved my job to provide care for the poorest of the poor. It helped me see my blessings, it helped me see the resilience of the human spirit, and I saw people who genuinely loved each other - confirming my suspicions that love can in fact exist between two adults. if you can't change your job, invest some time volunteering at a shelter, or food pantry, or soup kitchen. That will help keep things in perspective.
simple pleasures
Betty tagged me, so here goes: The Instructions: Name five of life's simple pleasures that you like, then tag five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative.
1. Laughter at the dinner table. My house now is like my house growing up - there is most always laughter. I love that we are able to laugh together and that the conversation turns in all sorts of weird directions.
2. Finding something growing in the yard that I wanted to plant anyway. Azaleas, ferns, angel trumpets, shamrocks, and grape vines last year - and I haven't even fully perused the woods yet.
3. Finishing a project, the fan, the goat pen, the heat duct, whatever, just deciding to fix something and then begin able to fix it and make the house more liveable. This used to be something I couldn't do - but as a result of being the only adult in the house for so long, I had to learn.
4. The moment when the light turns on - especially when I am explaining something to the kids or to one of my patients and all of a sudden they get what I am talking about.
5. In true extrovert fashion - talking. It is one of my favorite things to do - as evidenced by a couple of ugly cell phone bills. My folks and most of my girlfriends live out of state, now, so there is a lot of catching up by phone.
Now I am supposed to tag five people - if you wanna use the template, you know I'll come by to read it!
1. Laughter at the dinner table. My house now is like my house growing up - there is most always laughter. I love that we are able to laugh together and that the conversation turns in all sorts of weird directions.
2. Finding something growing in the yard that I wanted to plant anyway. Azaleas, ferns, angel trumpets, shamrocks, and grape vines last year - and I haven't even fully perused the woods yet.
3. Finishing a project, the fan, the goat pen, the heat duct, whatever, just deciding to fix something and then begin able to fix it and make the house more liveable. This used to be something I couldn't do - but as a result of being the only adult in the house for so long, I had to learn.
4. The moment when the light turns on - especially when I am explaining something to the kids or to one of my patients and all of a sudden they get what I am talking about.
5. In true extrovert fashion - talking. It is one of my favorite things to do - as evidenced by a couple of ugly cell phone bills. My folks and most of my girlfriends live out of state, now, so there is a lot of catching up by phone.
Now I am supposed to tag five people - if you wanna use the template, you know I'll come by to read it!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
A Thank You Note
In about a week, I will celebrate Valentine's Day - really celebrate it. Last year I got engaged the day before Valentines, then promptly tripped on the sidewalk right outside the Cheesecake Factory, skinning my knee.
But I was thinking this morning, about Annie Get Your Gun. I was in that play in high school and played Annie, leather fringe jacket, shotgun, the whole nine yards. In my mind zillion times, I have replayed the interchange that happens between Annie and Frank ( played by Mickey McDaniel at my high school) early in the play. Frank: Annie, have you ever been in love? Annie replies: you mean did I ever love someone who loved me back? Well, no then, I've never been in love.
I have always found it ironic, that the lines from a play in high school still fit my life years later. Finally this morning, when I played that through my head, I could say that it doesn't apply anymore.
To my husband, thank you.
You have allowed me to love you without feeling afraid
That is the most remarkable thing
Each day I wake up, and you are there, warm and happy to see me
The kids push every button you have, testing your resolve
Even pushing some you didn't know about
and you don't blame me, but try to help me instead
I get on your nerves, I have bad days
But you stay with me, never threatening to leave
You keep your promise, and don't regret making it.
So for enabling a woman who has had her heart broken by men who promised forever, and then spat venom and regret for years afterward, to love someone who loved her back, I just wanted to say thank you.
But I was thinking this morning, about Annie Get Your Gun. I was in that play in high school and played Annie, leather fringe jacket, shotgun, the whole nine yards. In my mind zillion times, I have replayed the interchange that happens between Annie and Frank ( played by Mickey McDaniel at my high school) early in the play. Frank: Annie, have you ever been in love? Annie replies: you mean did I ever love someone who loved me back? Well, no then, I've never been in love.
I have always found it ironic, that the lines from a play in high school still fit my life years later. Finally this morning, when I played that through my head, I could say that it doesn't apply anymore.
To my husband, thank you.
You have allowed me to love you without feeling afraid
That is the most remarkable thing
Each day I wake up, and you are there, warm and happy to see me
The kids push every button you have, testing your resolve
Even pushing some you didn't know about
and you don't blame me, but try to help me instead
I get on your nerves, I have bad days
But you stay with me, never threatening to leave
You keep your promise, and don't regret making it.
So for enabling a woman who has had her heart broken by men who promised forever, and then spat venom and regret for years afterward, to love someone who loved her back, I just wanted to say thank you.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Not quite ready for HNT
I stopped by Ian's site and what should I discover, but a picture of Summer. A charming girl who still has her girlish figure and if I didn't like her so much, I'd be openly jealous.
And it made me think...what would I ever post for HNT. ( if you are not famliar with HNT, it has included pictures, many of them artfully done, that people have taken of their own beauty. In that respect, I have enjoyed it. Some pictures are raunchier, and I could live without those)
Bear and I had this discussion and even talked about doing some artsy shots - but I thought my dinged up hands were probably most representative of my life. Currently I am sporting three nicked knuckles, a slice on my hand from the kitten, and poison ivy between the fingers of my right hand. Yep, pretty sexy.
Then it occured to me - I could do a morning HNT. Why just this morning I went out in full streaker regalia to feed the ducks and goats. Black satin night gown, covered by a LL Bean Farm jacket and a pair of duck-poop covered clogs.
and now I have to go hide the digital camera
And it made me think...what would I ever post for HNT. ( if you are not famliar with HNT, it has included pictures, many of them artfully done, that people have taken of their own beauty. In that respect, I have enjoyed it. Some pictures are raunchier, and I could live without those)
Bear and I had this discussion and even talked about doing some artsy shots - but I thought my dinged up hands were probably most representative of my life. Currently I am sporting three nicked knuckles, a slice on my hand from the kitten, and poison ivy between the fingers of my right hand. Yep, pretty sexy.
Then it occured to me - I could do a morning HNT. Why just this morning I went out in full streaker regalia to feed the ducks and goats. Black satin night gown, covered by a LL Bean Farm jacket and a pair of duck-poop covered clogs.
and now I have to go hide the digital camera
How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk
Well, my advice is trust your gut instinct and don't settle just because everyone around says a bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Not settling is working out pretty dog gone well, actually.
I ran across this article this morning and had to share it. Because of the large number of divorces that have occured in military personnel during hte war, a minister has developed a series of programs for military people to help them discern if marraige is a good idea.
I think this is such a great idea. It takes just hours to get married but weeks to get divorced. I personally think it should be time-consuming on both ends of the spectrum, but that is a couple of ugly divorces talking.
I ran across this article this morning and had to share it. Because of the large number of divorces that have occured in military personnel during hte war, a minister has developed a series of programs for military people to help them discern if marraige is a good idea.
I think this is such a great idea. It takes just hours to get married but weeks to get divorced. I personally think it should be time-consuming on both ends of the spectrum, but that is a couple of ugly divorces talking.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Friday, February 03, 2006
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Quandry
If someone reads your blog, even though you did not invite them to this one, and they are offended by something you said while venting, would you apologize?
I did, apologize, that is.
A vent is just that - a way to vent frustration, to say things in anger until you can get your head together and say something much more constructive in person.
I don't think "poor me" - well, I have days and anyone who says they never have days where they think they are on the wrong end of things is lying.
What I want to say in closing is that if you are going to thump a Bible and claim to be a believer, and schedule your life around three services a week, it would be good to look at that passage or two on forgiveness and loving your neighbor first.
I did, apologize, that is.
A vent is just that - a way to vent frustration, to say things in anger until you can get your head together and say something much more constructive in person.
I don't think "poor me" - well, I have days and anyone who says they never have days where they think they are on the wrong end of things is lying.
What I want to say in closing is that if you are going to thump a Bible and claim to be a believer, and schedule your life around three services a week, it would be good to look at that passage or two on forgiveness and loving your neighbor first.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Notes to self
1. You can, infact, have too many eggs. Now that 8 prolific ducks are laying eggs, I realize I am a bit short in the foresight department, and should have had a buyer set up already.
2. If you are going to be stressed out, be away from germy people - and don't work in a hospital - because you will catch some kind of creeping crud that makes coughing your lungs out a real possibility
3. Stay away from the scale when you are stressed, that is not the time to discover you have that PMS-5 pounds back. I'm serious about this one.
4. Buy more popsicles
5. Get rid of your teflon pans - you knew they had to have some chemicals that would cause cancer or make you grow a third arm ( note the news story yesterday) keep the cast iron.
6. Wash puppy Sheila because her low dragging belly brough poison ivy to at least two members of the family.
2. If you are going to be stressed out, be away from germy people - and don't work in a hospital - because you will catch some kind of creeping crud that makes coughing your lungs out a real possibility
3. Stay away from the scale when you are stressed, that is not the time to discover you have that PMS-5 pounds back. I'm serious about this one.
4. Buy more popsicles
5. Get rid of your teflon pans - you knew they had to have some chemicals that would cause cancer or make you grow a third arm ( note the news story yesterday) keep the cast iron.
6. Wash puppy Sheila because her low dragging belly brough poison ivy to at least two members of the family.
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