So since we found out about the possibility of "restrictive custody" I have spent a lot more time in Mass. Honestly, I'd love to tell you that it is because I am so holy.
Actually, it is because I was scared
and felt helpless and guilty
and like I had totally failed my son.
not good emotions.
and not something I could carry alone
so I turned to the Solution that has always helped
Prayer.
So in Mass, I can just talk to God about it without the distraction, letting the tears fall and allowing Him to see the pain in my heart.
My house is on the market, I have turned in my resignation, I have already started the wheels rolling- and now Jake is in this situation and it looks like he can't come with me.
I've been trying to listen very very carefully.
and I thought what I would hear is that I need to stay put.
But I heard: you are not home yet.
I am resolute about moving home to Indianapolis. I want to be back where my family and my close friends are because right now, I need the support. But I also feel like there is something that God wants me to do there. I don't know what. Jake said I need to get a place ready for him - so that when he comes home, there will be a home for him to start over.
This feels like going to the precipice - looking right over the edge and deciding to walk across the canyon on an invisible bridge.
1 comment:
I had to go back to the old post to recall what this was all about. Sorry for your troubles and for Jake's. Some people have a hard row to hoe. Sorry it's your lot. All the best.
Post a Comment