This is first of twelve notes I received since about a week before Christmas. Apparently the Ogre has been unable to fill his bed and hopes that getting to me will cure his lonliness. I am posting to get it out of my system - and embrace the craziness contained in it.
Gentle Reader, if you love a woman, don't throw chili at her, or leave her stranded with three kids at Universal Studios, or go see a girlfriend on the weekends and lie about it, or threaten to divorce her every time you don't agree. Doing that will ensure that the universe will try to make it right by giving her the most wonderful man on the planet the minute she is away from you. Being married is so hard when the person you love is hateful at every opportunity. Does he genuinely miss us - well, probably. He is alone and he hates being alone almost as much as he loves money and things.
" of course things ar not going well for me.I truly miss my family........you and the children.I didn't want to get the divorce from about midway on to when you ask me to sign the final papers.I Signed because you wanted me to do so.I know you don't believe this ,but I love you and the children.I miss you guys every day. You should believe it because it is true.
You said if I would sign the papers, we would get together about a month later and talk. I surely looked forward to that day' but it has been three months since I last saw you.This is the first contact since you called me on 10/04/2004 and threatened me with arrest. I didn't get possession of the house till Nov.1st.Someone placed the keys on the kitchen table.I stayed away from the house just like you requested.Boy, that stuff outside was sure water soaked.
My short talk with your mom was pleasant. I'm not sure why she would paint it any other way.She said you didn't take a job out west.I find that hard to believe.You told me that you had a good opportunity at your old job out there. If indeed that is where you went, I sure wish I was there with you all.
I don't know where you are at, but it would really help my mental state if you would tell me. I really miss you guys in my life.I don't want to be divorced from you.
If you are still in Indiana, I will give you the house next door if it would help you to come back to me. I know that you are not at Arnett anymore.Like you wanted to do, you guys live in it and I would be next door. I wish we would have both tried that route as a last resort. I'm not sure we could have afforded it, but it would have been much better than what happened over the summer.
I am learning to look at the glass as being half full, instead of being half empty. I think that was one of my problems in dealing with stressful events. I am so sorry for the pain and trouble that I caused.
I am willing to do anything to have you back.I will even sell out everything and eventually move to where you are at. I know this is all foreign to you, but I have missed you all since May 1st and even more so since you left.
Please, let's start a dialog via this email address. you and the children are perhaps my last chance at happiness in raising a family.I now know what you were talking about when you said that the kids would be around for our old age.I want to regain their trust again.Christ promotes renewed beginnings.
I still type with two fingers, so you can guess how long it took to peck this out.Please take this serious. I don't want any trouble.......This is my first chance to tell you what is on my heart.
Some mail has come to the house. How can I get it to you. This is sad, but Blessed Sac. called and wanted our family to lit candles during the holiday season.That really tore up my heart.
Family is most important.I didn't handle mine well at all. I ask for God and you to forgive me....and give me another chance.Not another chance with someone else, but with you.
Please think about what I have said.We started out with many dreams and ideas. You helped me with the lose of my dad and job. Two of the most difficult things to deal with in life, besides losing a child.One of the dreams was going back to the reservation.I still want to do that with you now or in the future.Don't blow me off.I want to make things right before God, you and the kids.It is causing me much pain to not know what happened to you and where my family is at.
Please show mercy to me and write again.....I love you"
As an aferthought, I should include here that I sent a note back, telling him that I am not coming back and that absolution was between him and God now. I have forgiven, it is a requirement if I have the gall to call myself a Christian, but that doesn't mean I have to ever crawl back into that pit again.
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