My daddy has cancer

We found out last week that the biopsy, though not 100% conclusive, points to lymphoma. The cancer is slow-growing and has wrapped itself around his juglar vein, though blood flow seems to be normal to the brain.

I am close to my dad - he has really stepped in and been the father that my kids haven't had for most of their lives, taking them to Cub's games and Indian's games, coming to football every weekend - even when he had other things to do. He has really been the stability in our family because he is the even-keeled one. He is the one with sense, the voice of reason.

He has his moments, like everyone else. The weekend I left he took me aside and talked to me about being a good partner to Justin, told me to carry most of the burden with the kids and be careful not to wear out my welcome. Could have chosen a better time, especially since the talk had me in tear during an already stressful weekend - but then , he would have been perfect otherwise. We went to see him last weekend, he looks gray - whether that be from the cold he had or because I see the grayness of cancer - I am not sure. He is going to wait almost a month to even see an oncologist - a decision I don't quite agree with. But he has to be comfortable with his own decisions now.

A part of me is scared. I love my mom, but I don't trust her to consult anyone else about what to do with family property or family heirlooms. I have lost a lot of things in this move, and I really hate to lose more of them. More than that, I am afraid that when my dad goes, I will be left alone. I have decided the only thing I can do is to make my life right so that he can have the peace of knowing I am okay - and that the kids are okay. This is important to him, that I can take care of myself - as evidenced by the number of Craftsman tools he has given me over the years. Okay - can't talk any more about this, but I figured the longer I postpone it, the harder it will be.