In my mind I can hear the warning signals that interrupt radio shows the first Saturday of every month when they test the tornado system. For the past two months, we have spent time talking about kids and about our lives, but we haven’t had them around yet. Granted, the weekend we met included the children, but they were preoccupied and we didn’t all do things together as a group.
They were hurting – mostly because the Ogre made it very clear that they were an inconvenience. What I failed to see was that even though he kept talking about how much he loved me (which was all just verbage) he made it clear to the kids that he did not love them. His innuendo was that they caused the problems in the marriage – truth is, he never showed up in the first place, so no marriage ever existed. Ironically, as I was looking some divorce rights up on the Internet, I discovered I had grounds to annul the marriage legally – to make it as though it never existed – sounded good to me.
There is nothing more painful than to be dependent upon someone who sees you as a burden – Harry Potter and the Dursleys comes to mind. To spend even a week with someone like that is tough, but my kids have gone through it for almost two years. Had I seen this, it would have stopped long ago, but the Ogre is talented in deception, so I chalked a lot up to growing pains for a blended family. Big oops there.
Most of the time in childhood is a critical time. As the mom, I have been deeply concerned that the kids would be scarred because they have not seen what a healthy relationship looks like. Last time I dated before this, Josh was 5 and Jerra was only 9. That is a long time. We have spent a lot of weekends running away – to the lake, to the movies, to Indy – just anywhere that the kids and I could be a family without the Ogre. At least through all of this they knew that I loved them – because I show up.
Then you came along. Jake liked you right off – I still think it was the flamingo shirt – but he is a pretty good judge of character. I couldn’t get Jerra to move, she liked you too. It is amazing to me that the kids are even open to the idea of seeing you. I was afraid maybe they were damaged for life. I think it is because you are like me in that you listen to them when they want to talk to you on the phone. My good friends do that, it helps the kids feel valued.
So this week was the true testament to the healing that has gone on in my house. Jerra got on the phone and asked if we could come see you. Didn’t check with me first, just got on and asked. No way was I going to turn down the chance, but I wasn’t sure if the boys would buy into coming to see you. Josh didn’t even hesitate. Neither did Jacob – though he did ask that the PS2 be available for the drive.
It is amazing that their hearts are still open, that they are willing to like you, and willing to give you a chance even though their recent experience with my love life was INCREDIBLY BAD. This weekend is a test for all of us – or maybe just a testament to what happens if you keep the faith.
Three kids, single man, 600 miles, a pool, a museum, humidity and farm animals – sounds like the formula for either a great weekend or a horror film.
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