Enough

I want to be enough
For years I have not been
Good enough
Pretty enough
Thin enough
Proper enough

I have not been the vision
Of the daughter my mother
Thought she was getting
That hot July day
When they picked me up
And brought me home

Sweltering in the heat,
Laying on her lap
I have the odd memory
Of the aqua carpet in the car
As I rode to my new home
My real home, real parents

I have come to accept
That I will never be short
That I am not often quiet
That my hips are broad
That my hands are big
That proper doesn’t fit for me

Being proper and meeting
The expectations of others
Feels like trying to breathe
Through Saran wrap
Hot, sticky, suffocating
Not making anyone happier

I need the mud on bare feet
The garden in my hands
Flowers in my yard
Fruit trees blooming and
Birthing the juicy bits
That make up a life really lived

I need a houseful of people
Laughter, arguing, joy
In the day to day battles
Of a family of unique people
Making a difference one day
Making a mess another

I need to be enough for you
I need to be the best thing
That ever happened to you
Instead of a substitute
Filling up the lonely places
I need to be what you were looking for
But didn’t know you needed