I was going to post something profound after seeing the Break up with Jennifer Aniston, but today, my heart is heavy and I just can't . You see, my son is really struggling. Jake was born with part of his brain tissue relocated in his sinuses. At the time we discovered this, he was three and barely spoke in more than two sentences at a time. His "wiring" was off, even after the surgery, but he has caught up at an impressive rate, going from being 3 years being to now just a couple of months behind the other kids. His official diagnosis is ADD, but that doesn't adequately describe the odd thought processes he has. His school is hell bent on mainstreaming him - and he is the weird kid. He comes home and tells me that no one wants to sit with him - that no one wants to be his science partner - and I feel the pain even though he says "oh well". I am seriously toying with the idea of putting him in the Special Ed class, even though he is higher functioning than most of the other kids - but at least they might be kind.
It just breaks my heart, because he is emotionally like so many Down's Syndrome kids - who just love everyone and can't understand when people choose to be cruel to them - it breaks his heart - and therefore weighs heavy upon mine. I am not sure how he does it - continuing to go face hostile fire so many days of the week - but I know that God has taught us a lot about miracles and endurance through him.
We are adjusting medicine - for what seems like the hundredth time. He doesn't mean to talk incessantly for twenty minutes - or to dance and sing and spill his drink as he walks through the house - but the cumulative effect of hour upon hour of his antics start to wear on my patience - and when I look at him - he apologizes - and I know it isn't something he does on purpose. He has virtually no impulse control, he says bizarre things totally unrelated to what others are talking about - and he is painfully unsure of himself. I watch him with his neighborhood friends - in the world of our farm, and he seems to do so well - but at school, not so much.
I wonder how to let it seep into his heart that middle school and high school are such a minimal part of who we eventually become -That grades in school do not determine the quality of the man he will become - that someone will see his tender heart and sweet disposition and fall madly in love with him - that he will be a great father and good provider because he has so much love for folks and always looks for the best in them. I just wish there was a pill I could give him so that the days did not seem so long - and that he knew he could hold on long enough to make it through this.
6 comments:
Tell him as often as you can stand to say the words. He'll see in time. An extra prayer will be said for him tonight.
This post was so cool Stace.
And so is Jake.
As a mom...this breaks my heart too. I wish only the best for both of you.
Aw, that touches me. I wish you all well. He might have the happiest life of us all. Who's to know?
Remeber how I had the SAME fears for Matt. Now look at him, happily married, 4 beautiful children, he is a good Christian man, loves his family deeply. I am proud of him. He turned out just fine!
Don't fret my friend, don't fret. God is in control and made Jake as he is for a reason! We as mother's want our children perfect and life easy for them. But God in his infinite wisdom has a plan. Jake will be fine! He has a wonderful mother and many people who adore him just as he is! Again, Jake will be fine!
Love ya,
Lora
I'm not wired right either. I was in my late 20's before I found out why. But I remember well the pain of being rejected at grade school, and the stupid, stupid stuff I did to be accepted later (like drugs and promiscuous sex). Childhood is a time of dark monsters, many of which are real and waiting to attack you afresh each day in class.
I don't know how you should help your son, but you should help him.
A heart can only bear so much.
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