Did you ever just need to know why someone did something - and the question just permeates your thoughts to the point that you would do just about anything to get the question answered?
I have felt that way over the past few days- I want to know why -I just want to have my questions answered before there is no longer the motivation to get them answered. I have mentioned before that I am an excellent starter-wife. Like Good Luck Chuck, I end a long-term relationship and we become friends, talking about things that have happened and performing the autopsy on the relationship - then their next relationship is the one that sticks - but not the one with me. I'm not having a pity party- I am trying to figure out why this happens. Since it is a pattern, there has to be a reason. This is a season where I am trying to really figure out what things I need to change to move on to the next phase of my life- and for once, I thought I could get what I needed- and again, I am left waiting.
I don't know that anyone even has the answers anymore- or that I want to know what the other person actually thinks of me. The downside to knowing someone well is that their opinion actually matters. I really needed to have some questions answered- but instead I still wait.
Waiting waiting waiting - wait for answers, wait for someone to love you back, wait for your time, wait to finish your remodeling, wait to refinance the house, wait for the kids to grow up so that you can do what you want, wait for Christmas, wait for....everything. Sometimes I just get tired of waiting - and when for whatever reason, the person I needed answers from couldn't give them to me, I just broke down and cried in frustration.
I know God will take care of me- and that waiting on Him will be worth it and that He loves me even when I am impatient, but for today I am tired of waiting.
2 comments:
You're really going through it. I don't suppose anyone can tell you the answer you want. I imagine he didn't know. Some things just are.
Stop waiting. Get on with living. When my wife left to find herself, I had to get on with it as I had our two years old son to raise. I have never remarried. "Once burned; twice shy" I guess. I do not ever want to go through that pain again. Life has not been as I envisioned it back in the 50's. It has been OK though. I have even managed to have a couple of meaningful relationships, one lasted 9 years. My current one is probably my last. Luckily, she has enough money for both of us to live and travel comfortably, if I can overcome my feelings of being the Canadian gigilo. :)
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