Many years ago, when I worked on the psych unit at Wishard Hospital in Indianapolis, Dawn, one of the nurses, was reading a book about Jungian Archetypes. I thought it was mostly baloney, but was interested because she was interesting. Women who run with the Wolves has really helped me understand who I am in relation to the rest of my world. It explained that things go in cycles: life death life, spring summer fall winter, full moon new moon half moon....you get the gist of this. This has helped me to cope a zillion times as I look at beginnings and endings- and even those flat places in the middle of something that used to feel passionate - as a normal part of the cycle. These places used to panic me - when something ended I would try SOOOO hard to make it stay, even though the wiser part of me knew it was over and as new things were coming along, I would resist them despite the inevitability of their path.
It also helps me to understand beginnings - especially when those are fiery and spark-laden and not at all what I expect. Those signs are not to be ignored or dismissed as just a carnal reaction. Sometimes our neuroses are calling out to another person's neuroses, surely, but sometimes that initial indication is a sign from the universe to pay attention. We are so inundated with things designed to catch our attention that I think we lose that art of paying attention and being where we actually are.
I think the most important aspect of being human is just that: being human. We are not just spiritual beings. Much as I would love to always be a being of light- just loaded down with kindness and love - and deny the other aspects of my person, it is just not the case. We are at the very least dual creatures: spirit and flesh. You cannot feed one and deny the other - they are like twins trapped in the same body and both must be cared for.
My spirit needs food- needs the nourishment of time with friends and good company, needs inspiration and a foundational understanding of a moral code - of how the world should work. My spirit needs meaningful work and time spent volunteering. For me, time spent reading about how Christians have integrated Christ's teaching into their lives is also great food- it helps me more clearly see the path before me.
But this cannot be done without caring for the body as well. Not just the basics like water and healthy food and safe housing, but those physical aspects which are equally important. So often people are embarrassed about how they physically respond to other people. I heard a wise man say that he was married, not dead, when he turned to look at a pretty girl walking by. It is a totally normal part of who we are as humans that we crave someone to love- someone to hold and someone to be with. We notice each other - it is just the way we are.
I was in the kitchen tonight when my son came up behind me and kissed my cheek- and I leaned over to kiss him back( he was standing behind me). It was not until after he spoke and I realized that it was in fact NOT my son, that I felt a little funny about it. Then there was the comment about how when I was younger I was "hot". I love that this was in the past tense. Thanks buddy. And in the next second, all I could do was reel because this comment was coming from a 20-year old kid - who may not view himself as a kid exactly anymore- and who, by chance, was the kid I had just kissed in my kitchen. Oh, yes, these things happen to me all the time. I am in mamma-mode trying to help someone and be kind and all of a sudden there is a subtle shift and things have changed. I'm not too quick on the uptake sometimes. This whole situation was innocent - and nothing more came of it - but it made me think about how a person who was starved for attention - I mean STARVED - could take this too far and put this young man in a very precarious situation. Lets be clear- I am not that hungry- and should I get that desperate, I will find a healthy outlet thank you very much.
What is so very ironic about this incident is that I am in fact becoming Aunt Meg- you remember Aunt Meg and her cows from the movie Twister- I've always wanted to be her - and maybe I really am becoming that which I seek. That would be SO COOL!
Now civility requires that we behave in a way that is appropriate- but being human does not mean that we totally deny the needs of the body for closeness and comfort. I heard Gary Smalley say once that he greatly appreciated the blessing of a healthy love life with his wife and felt that their ability to be together was a reflection of God's love for both of them. He speaks nationally about sleeping with his wife- I'd be willing to bet you that THEY had some sparks when they first met that made them a little nervous as well.
This was all just pressing on my heart today as I met this lovely couple today who met in their mid-forties and have now been married 27 years. I remarked how charming they were and they mentioned how they had both been married before and how blessed they were to find each other. It gave me hope that my season of waiting and being single won't last forever. Seriously, forever is a long time and with winter coming, I could use to be a little less single. It gets cold in Atlanta at night! This is just one of those flat places, where there are lessons to be learned in the interim- it is not the beginning anymore, that was over a year ago, and it is not the end, that hasn't come yet. I'll just keep breathing in and out and eating healthy and taking time to be with God and sleeping soundly on my very warm waterbed and taking care of my kids - and any other stray folks that happen to be around and when this time comes to an end and the next phase begins, I will already be a happy girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment