The moon is made of shiny paper...

Did you see the moon tonight?

I mean, I am not wholly sure that the moon you saw overhead was the same blue-white with a dark navy sky behind it and a little puff of white clouds at it's feet, just reflecting the irridescent white, but that was the moon we had tonight.

When I look up, I realize just how small I really am in the scheme of things. I will never be a great orator - or a great influencer of societal trends - or a movie star - but I hope, that to my little group of friends, I have led a life that brings value to theirs.

The moon casts its light on all of us, whether we are free or enslaved, rich or poor, in cool temperatures or in sweltering heat, in sickness or in health. It doesn't pick favorites- it is an equal opportunity blessing.

A few months ago, I had a falling out with one of my very best friends. We have been friends and struggled through single parenting together since Jake was a baby- so for over 15 years.

Our paths have diverged and during a visit to Indy last June, we fought over something stupid which escalated into something very serious and we haven't spoken to one another since. I have called to apologize and have tried to reopen the lines of communication - but to no avail. Sometimes there is just too much damage to repair, and I may just have to accept that we are at that point in our relationship. It is sad, though.

I remember when we lived in Arizona that the moon and the stars were so astounding that it seemed you could keep driving up the mountain and touch them. They were more numerous and clear there than anywhere I have ever been before or since. No valuables according to material wealth, but the beauty of the land and the sky are unsurpassed.

I loved to watch the moon and spent many hours staring up looking for answers when we moved to Georgia. I told the Ogre story today and was surprised by just how emotional I still am in the telling of it. Maybe I should write a book. As I was talking about my dad sitting outside on the porch at the lake house cleaning his rifle, I remember the sheen of the moonlight in the curls of his hair. I remember feeling so comforted by his watch over us that I was finally able to collapse and release the fear I had that day- and there was a LOT of fear.

Each day we are given the ability to start over - to make new choices - to have new dreams.

I once had a dream of a conventional life with a conventional man who loved me and three college-bound kids in tow. That didn't work out so well - so I have let go of that dream and sent it back to the moon for some other woman to fulfill. I dreamed then of an unconventional man as well, but that doesn't seem to be working out very well either. Tonight as I finish up my day, I will pray for a dream to direct me in this next chapter of my life - to help me see where I should be going and to help me be the best duck in my little pond that I can be.

Goodnight, Moon.