Knowing

I know things.  That sounds weird, but I have come to accept it.

When we talk about the gifts of the Holy Spirit, we include knowledge and right judgement - which, when aided by the Holy Spirit, become otherworldly gifts which allow us to navigate our world more easily - or at least more informed.

On Monday, I had the overwhelming feeling that I should get Nicole's things out of her apartment.  I cannot say exactly where this thought came from, because honestly, she is an adult and it is her responsibility.  I was just innundated with this thought that we needed to get her things out before she was in trouble with the police.  This is an urge which is NOT based on any information I had that suggested this scenario to be true. My brother gave me some flack about it - and said I was being silly.  We moved her stuff Monday night anyway.

Tuesday when I got home, I was told that her boyfriend had called her to say that the police had been to his house and that the apartment was a "place of interest" because of the number of kids hanging around there and that they thought maybe either he or she were selling drugs.  About an hour after that call, came the call that the police had come and placed all of her remaining belongings out in the street - and that anything of value had already been taken.   Spooky, I know.

I knew the night my dad passed away that it was time.  I had a conversation with my mom  while she was dropping off her car at the shop about how we needed to let him go and that our desire to keep him here was keeping him from passing over. We agreed that it was time and that he was in pain and deserved not to suffer anymore.   Not 30 minutes after this conversation, she called me as she arrived back at the lake house to find him taking his last breath.

I knew that the threat was real when we picked up and moved to Georgia.  There had been dozens of threats in the preceding months, but this time, when the threat was made, there was such a cold calculated feel to it, that I knew it was true.  You may remember that 6 months later I discovered that there had been the rental of a backhoe and 500 pounds of lime meant to dispose of us - completely lining up with what I had "known" would happen..   I took a lot of heat for that decision because I didn't have proof- but 6 months later, the proof showed up.

I've known things when I meet someone - like when I met Lora, I knew right away that we would be like sisters.  I knew the same thing when I met my friend Mary- and it has come to pass.  I've met people through work and been able to sort the wheat from the chaff pretty quickly.   When I met Dan and Justin both, I knew something was off - but I ignored it because I wanted proof.  Mistake.

I have met a couple of people, that I knew would be close to me, but that I wouldn't be able to keep.  That is a tough one, to go through with a friendship or romance knowing that you will lose them.  This isn't a fatalistic view of things, but rather an understanding of what is to come. I chose freely to love in spite of what I knew would be a negative outcome.  ( I think you can learn from each person you are befriended by and that knowledge is worth the subsequent heartbreak)

Sometimes, there is a man involved, like there is at present.  I know he is scared to let someone see who he really is -but he really wants to, deep down, be known and loved.  He is inherently a good man, and I have said as much- but he doesn't believe it. He doesn't yet believe that he deserves to be loved.  I understand that position, I have been there myself.  I know that fear is guiding some of his decision making right now- and that being who I really am and being honest is what is called for.

I had fireworks- ME - I actually had fireworks. I have kissed a hundred frogs since I was 13- and had some good kisses in return - but this tops anything I had ever experienced - the chemistry was off the charts. That is rare and was meant to get my attention - and it has.   It is risky  - mostly because it could go either way.  Either he will crush me, reject me, ignore me and break my heart - or he will be the love I have been waiting for all these years.   Should he choose to do the former, he is in direct conflict with what I have been shown,  but he has to choose, he has to lead, he has to be the man in this story.  If I take that role, the whole thing will be ruined.

My friend called to tell me about a suspicion she had about her spiritual battle - and immediately I knew that it was indeed as she perceived- I had goosebumps all up my arms and legs which confirmed the creepy suspicion she had verbalized.

I have the routine inklings - like when I know I need to throw a kind of infusion sets or a copy of a study that I never carry in my bag - only to be asked for them later in the day.  I have moments where I ignore this and don't pack something, or don't call someone, only to find that if I had, things would be easier on me.

So what are you to do about such a problem with intuition - or knowing  - or whatever you want to call it?  I have tried to ignore it - and that just comes back to bite me.  I am now learning to embrace it an handle it like a gift from the Holy Spirit to help with navigation - like a situational GPS. It sounds weird, doesn't it?  Or maybe it is something we all posess and just need to learn to harness.  I don't know the answer, I only know that I needed to share this tonight.