You're Amazing

Any of you have been following for a period of time will know that my love life is the stuff of Greek Tragedies: naked preachers, drunks, Peter Pan.  It has not gone well - and I finally figured it out.

Knee-deep in my latest attempt to prove to someone that I was worth their time and energy and love the most remarkable thing happened.  I found out what TRUE LOVE actually was. 

I've had a crush on one of my friends for months now - and each encounter I would tell myself that things were getting better, moving forward, making progress.  This fits the way it always goes, I work hard, and by virtue of receiving all that affection the object of my affection believes they are in love.  Well, this one wasn't budging.  He is a good man, and deserves someone great so I did something I've never done before: I turned it over to God.

For Lent, I went to daily Mass and each day I prayed for this man's heart and I prayed that God would watch over my soulmate because he must be as lonely as I am - trying to figure out why no one else fits.

10 days passed - nothing
20 days passed  - nothing
30 days....well you get the picture.

Then on the Tuesday before Easter, I just couldn't take it anymore.  I thought I had seen progress and then, nothing.  I was really hurt and so I turned to the only Man I knew could help.  I told Him that He knew my pain - that He knew I had tried to make it work before and it just didn't. I asked Him to show me what else I needed to change.  And in perfect form- I cried until I fell asleep.

Then a miracle happened - but being a little dense, I didn't know it.
I got an email from one of my childhood friends - he was in Atlanta and wanted to know if there was anything fun to do here.  We met for dinner - and what followed was easy conversation and lots of catching up.  We closed down the restaurant.
Since it was so much fun, we tried it again the next night - again closing things down.
I didn't feel alone anymore - I had found a friend who had experienced a lot of the same things I had- and he was easy to talk to.  It was awesome.
So weeks pass and the emails get more and more frequent.
Then I asked him if he had thought about kissing me - and it turns out he was still thinking about it.

This is odd to me because love is supposed to include making all these adjustments and melding lives and working to sync up to the object of your affection.  I don't know what THIS is.   I mean, I have heard it before, how people just click or just know - and I honestly thought it was bullshit - the stuff of romance novels.

Last weekend I went to see him - for two reasons.
One, I didn't have a definition for what this was- and I didn't want to mess up a great friendship with all this talk of kissing.  A part of me thought that he'd kiss me and that would be it - it would be like kissing his brother or something and then we would shake our heads and agree that a friendship was best.  This was honestly what I thought would happen - and since I was still in contact with the object of my infatuation and he had agreed to go to dinner and a movie - I wanted to be able to enjoy that without thinking about my friend from Indy.
Two, There was a spark at dinner and I found myself waiting anxiously for his emails and wanting to talk to him again. I can tell him anything and I have not had to be anything but honest.  I love the things that he says and I knew there was the possibility that it might be magic.
Okay - so maybe that is the same reason - I had to know what was happening- and being an innately curious girl - I went to Indy.

And when I kissed him, all doubt was removed.  It is like being home- there is laughter, teasing, joy and for the first time not only do I not have to hide who I am- he has disarmed my defences and I couldn't hide if I wanted to. I haven't changed anything and he loves me.  What a miracle that is.