Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Five Years and Counting

It seems like just the other day that my Dad would call me and tell me things were going to be alright - or that I didn't have the luxury of falling apart so I had better figure something out.  I'd be happy to hear either from him these days.

I miss him.

Five years ago we were getting ready for his funeral and I couldn't have predicted the way things would turn out.  I remember when I got married that I had hoped that when the day came, my partner would be able to stand beside me and I could fall apart. Eh, that didn't exactly happen- instead it became the pivotal moment when the love I had for him stopped and I knew it was over.  I still think Dad had a hand in that - I would have tortured myself for years trying to make something work out of all those pieces.

The funny thing is that we use Dad as a reference point - when things are going well or the kids do something particularly ingenious, I will tell them: well of course you can do that, You are Dave Loner's grandchild.  It's in your nature. And they just beam because there is no greater compliment in this house.

We are headed back to Logansport on Monday for a family gathering, and for the first time in a couple years, I'll go back to where his gravesite is.  He made the wooden crosses out of cedar, and we put a plaque on them - I think Mom has since gotten something a little bolder - but personally, I like the cedar crosses.

I was thinking today that I hope he is looking down and saying that he thinks we are doing a pretty good job considering the information we are working with and that he'd be proud of us.

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