Banner Day

1. I walked over to the hospital to have lunch with my friends, they called me as I was on my way back to say they couldn't make it - then the rain started. This gave me an excuse to go over to KFC and get chicken and green beans - not the healthiest meal, but pretty easy on the taste buds.
2. I am completely done Christmas shopping - everything has been either purchased or ordered and I am happy as a clam about that. Mom and Dad allowed me to buy gifts, within reason, for the family so that Mom wouldn't have to struggle with figuring out what they needed/wanted. I am thrilled with what I found. Oh - and today, I found a present that I had forgotten I bought for Justin - just one more lovely thing added to the mix.

3. I started taking Udo's oil capsules - because I am a wimp and couldn't stomach the oil itself. I have noticed that I sleep so deeply and my dreams are way more vivid - like last night when I was sorting things out on these shelves and I woke wondering where they had gone. Even people who eat healthy have items that could use supplementation, I love the oil, I think it helps me - and possibly Jake and his ADD stuff. Time will tell.

4. Germ-X - the hand sanitizer people make a Harvest Spice version that makes my hands smell like oranges and cloves - like some kind of portable mulling spice, only it is attached.

5. Three people sent me the article about how pop/soda/coke is bad for you - even though I drink diet most of the time. There are some studies, though, which suggest that pop consumption and the use of artificial sweeteners can impede weight loss - so as of yesterday, I am down to 2 cokes a day. That is a huge reduction. This is partially due to the Crystal Light Green Tea and Raspberry mix - which I know still has the artificial sweetener, but lacks the phosphates and sodium in cokes. One step at a time.

6. I found a new GYN who specialized in managing menopause - though this may or may not be what is going on - at least she was kind on the phone and made up for the poor behavior of the doc I saw last week.

7. My husband may still be looking for a job, but he is an ace at laundry. Which cracks me up because it is not my favorite chore at all - but I love coming home to clean laundry. We vented the dryer into the house, which cuts down on heating - but the current mid-60's makes it feel more like a sauna.

8. I have been reading the Gluten Free Girl, who has tons of recipes and charming anecdotes. Today she posted a recipe for cream puffs - one of my favorite items of all times. I am not sure how much of my bread problem is gluten, and how much of it is actually a problem with wheat - but these looked beautiful and I can't wait to try them!

The chicken coop is green

Over the weekend, as on any weekend, we had a project: To move the chickens to a home of their own - away from the goats who tend to squash the eggs that our chickens have so lovingly set upon. About two weeks ago, one of our girls hatched a baby chick - and when we came out to feed everyone, the chick had already gone on to a better place
The chicken coop ws left out in the woods, and from what we gathered from the kids who lived in the neighborhood, it hasn't seen chickens in at least 15 years. It was ready for a break - so we put in a couple of pine branches for a roost, put supports under the nesting boxes, cleaned about fifty pounds of top soil off the roof, and spread new leaves and straw on the floor.

Jake and I cut brush and pounded stakes - then Josh came out and chopped some wood - and Justin helped hang an old door from the basement after he swept off the aforementioned top soil. A little green paint - which was originally chosen to paint the kitchen in the old house - and ta da - the old rusted tin chicken coop is now the House of Chicks.

Two of our girls are already setting eggs, so hopefully, we will have baby chicks for Christmas!

I didn't realize, until I saw the picture, that the door looks really stupid in brown, so I will be doing a bit more painting it seems.

The only casualty in this process was me. You see, I am unbelievably allergic to Poison Ivy - and those spiky no-touch vines in our woods. I have been faithfully washing up with Burt's soap, which has jewelweed for the oils, but on Sunday, we had company - and we visited for about 4 hours before I got to wash up. So now my hands look like I was lashed with poison ivy vines - and it is less than attractive. But the chickens are happy - Mr Red Rooster is much quieter, waiting until nearly 6 to crow, and the woods are slowly becoming a part of the useable land. Totally worth the casualty of my paws.

Real Thanks Giving

I read something written by YoJ and by Magz this morning, and it touched a place in my heart. Typically, when I write about religion, there are no comments, but I felt compelled to write something just the same, because, as Mother Theresa would say,
"This about you and God, it was never about them anyway".


It was not so many years ago that I didn't feel like I deserved a good husband - or anything good for that matter. I have joked before that I go to Mass every weekend because I have a lot of years of making up to do - but a part of me really believed that. I thought because I had made bad choices, because I had knowingly sinned and chosen to do things that were fun - but wrong, because I had been a disgrace to my family, that I didn't deserve any better. That woman standing behind Jesus while he drew a line in the sand, asking whoever had not sinned to throw the first stone, was someone I really identifyed with. I believed that I had to spend my life helping others be happy, but that my own happiness was to be denied. I have been to the confessional, so I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say, the answer I got back was life altering.

Over and over again, I have come to God only to be met with a look of bewilderment. Why do I want to remember those hurtful things - I said I was sorry, I meant it, I have tried to make things right when I could - and God wonders why, if He could forgive me, that I am not willing to forgive myself. Do I really think I know more than God?

And that started my brain analyzing - do I really think I know more than God - do I really think I should continue to punish myself when He has forgiven something? It reminds me of Job, who questions God only to be reminded that he was not there when God flung the stars to the heavens or decided just how far the ocean would go. As I thought about these things, I realized that most of my bad behavior was a result of trying to be good enough, to be deserving, to be something I was not so that someone would like me. ( I understand this is very common in kids who are adopted or are un-mothered for one reason or another, who feel as though they are never good enough to repay their parents' kindness in adopting them and not leaving them orphaned - who knows if that is true, but it might be)

The first person I slept with, stealing vodka from my folks liquor cabinet, running around at all hours drunk and stupid, marrying men I wasn't in love with, staying even when he was mean - all things that if my daughter did them, I would pitch a fit - just like my folks did. But they all conglomerate - pointing at one thing. A hole in my soul so deep that I would do anything to fill it - or to deaden that feeling so that I didn't notice it. I remember writing a note back to someone I apologized to, saying that I felt like I had be come the very whore he had accused me of being. And that, my friends, is not a good feeling at all. People will do anything to fill up that gap - and we see it all the time - overeating, promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, shopping, or apathy. None of which are very adaptive coping mechanisms.

Once I realized what was wrong, I set about trying to fix it - and for me fixing it meant becoming real - moving from the image I was trying to portray of the well off suburban girl, always with nails and hair and make-up done, ironing my clothes trying to live above my means, always in need of a significant other ----to what was more honestly me - laid back, long haired, stubby fingernails with dirt that doesn't always come out, comfy clothes which allowed me to skip the much-hated ironing, and mascara, I still gotta have the mascara before I go out.

It has been a long process - started just before Jake was born, when I realized that I would probably be raising the kids by myself. But I recognize myself in the mirror - and I like myself a lot more often than I ever did back then.

I am no where near done - as every Act of Contrition reminds me of the dozens of personality aspects that still need work - especially patience.

But for this Thanksgiving, I am most thankful for a second chance. When I was at my lowest, He was there to answer my prayers and give me a hand up - helping me to see that He had been there the whole time, just waiting for me to ask for His help. I am thankful that I believe in a Savior who loves me more than I love myself. I was an ass and He loved me anyway - and filled my days with people who loved me for who I really was. I am thankful for the peace that comes in knowing that whether it is my Grandpa or my Dad or one of my friends, who passes first, there is a place for them to go with beauty that surpasses all understanding. I am thankful because He fills my life with "coincidences" and signs to numerous to mention which give me direction and lead to happiness. He forces me to pay attention to those around me, lest I miss something important. I am thankful that I didn't actually kill myself doing something stupid during those years that I did a lot of stupid things- and of course that the Ogre didn't manage to accomplish that either.

Joyful Woman has written several very moving posts about forgiveness, click over and check them out. I never cease to be amazed at how much we can learn from each other.

But for this year, think for a moment about being thankful that there is a new day dawning, and that with each day, we have the chance to become the kind of person we have always wanted to be.
Just look up.

As the world turns

If you are looking for holiday ideas - Jerry has a great post about a chicken recipe.

Jake's birthday party, which included letting some of his friends in with our animals, went exceptionally well - the weather held out - and it was beautiful.

I have been a real slacker - sorry about that. I have been a bit under the weather - and my doctor rewarded my trip in to see her yesterday by some really terse remarks including that she would see me again in 2 weeks and at that time she would tell me I don't have cancer and I could just relax. So needless to say, I am in search of a new GYN doc. I am adopted, I have a colorful history and some risk factors that force me to take any GYN issues seriously - because I have no family history. I have always planned for the worst, and hoped for the best in that arena - and thus far, I have been less than happy with this doc. I wish people would consider that being in the health field should also require you to have a compassionate personality.

My friend invited my family over for Thanksgiving - I don't have to cook the dinner and I have both Thursday and Friday off - woopie! I am making some baked goods - from scratch - but no big dinner to prepare - makes me happy!

If I don'e get back between now and then - hope you all have a great Thanksgiving holiday.

Betty and Lucy - ready for breakfast

Those glowing eyes - must be the indicator light to tell me that their tanks are empty!

Mary, daughter of Sarah, Day One

Here are the shots from my camera ( which are downloading onto some weird file on the computer, but what do I know) The two pictures where she is standing on the leaves are out in the side yard, after we caught her mother and seperated them from teh rest of the herd - and the other one is in the goat pen, where all the other goats were - before we caught them.

We named her Mary ( rather than Calamity Jane whose name brings about the song by Big and Rich about being buried on Deadwood Mountain) Her namesake is the mother of one of my friends, who celebrates her birthday the same day.

Coming out of the Closet

I use this spot, predominantly to talk about family and home stuff, though lately, I have been feeling like I am not fulfilling all that I could do here. I teach about diabetes for a living, but more importantly, I have been studying extensively, how the components of a diet can effect the overall life of a person. I believe there is more than one way to get healthy and that sometimes Western medicine falls terribly short. I use herbs, I see a chiropractor and I believe that attitude and prayer can heal more, at times, than medication.

With the stressors of the last couple of months, I have completely fallen off the wagon - eating everything in sight, including things that I know are unhealthy. Stress eating - and I knowingly chose not to do anything about it. Until yesterday - when I realized that even though I am worrying about all these other things, I have to take care of myself.

So let me share a little bit with you about what I know.

1. There is a direct relationship between hypoglycemia and diabetes. Type 2 diabetes is caused by cellular death in the pancreas. When the pancreas struggles day after day to keep up with the load of carbohydrates in the body ( whether the burden is quantity or quality) those cells are taxed, like a car kept in overdrive all the time. In overdrive, the cells cease to function properly, making it so that sometimes a person eats a meal and feels fine - other times they are starving and shaky two hours later - or they just want to sleep - both signs that the pancreas isn't functioning properly. Those cells can only go on so long until they are dying at a faster rate than they are reproducing, decreasing insulin production - and then the blood sugars start to rise. This process also fouls up the back up sugar-system in the liver and kidneys, complicating the matter even further.

2. Dr Weil and Dr Atkins and Dr Schwarzbein have it right. When I follow the dietary suggestions they have, my energy soars. I find that I am healthier - and my patients who follow them, find the same things. There must be something to the whole idea of less processing being healthier for a person, because it works in studies - and bears out when you look at populations as well. They preach about loading up on lean meats, fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains in moderation and most of all, avoiding all those chemicals and additives that tax the immune system.

3. If you could pick it from a tree, hunt it down, or grow it in your garden, it is probably good for you. Macaroni and cheese doesn't grow in a garden, so it should be eaten in moderation.

4. The immune system is like a three man clean up crew - there are a finite number of guys doing the clean up in your whole system. They react to everything we inhale, everything we eat, and all the germs that land on our skin. If we have them on heavy clean up duty - think of a three man crew at a stadium after a pro ball game - then some things get missed. If we have them on a lighter duty, like clean up after a gradeschool soccer game, they are more likely to have enough time to do the cleaning and do a thorough job.

5. If you don't bring it home from the grocery, you won't be as likely to eat it. It's an environmental control issue.

6. People who struggle with stress eating, have other deeper issues that also need to be dealt with - a gastric bypass doesn't repair your heart - it only shrinks your stomach. Thanks Dr Phil.

Maybe I'll share more in the future, but this morning, these things were bouncing around in my head so I wanted to jot them down.

Celebrating

To celebrate our first baby, we had steaks with baby portabella mushrooms and wild rice and new potatoes and white corn on the cob - and for dessert, strawberries with organic raw sugar and the totally not healthy CoolWhip. And about twenty minutes later, a pan of fresh-from -the -oven brownies. Then I settled in to watch part of the Giant's game from Sunday night - since the COLTS were not on our cable system - even though they are the only undefeated team in the league, and Peyton has that laser, rocket arm - but whatever. Over the weekend I finally painted my chest of drawers the same olive green as our room - up to this point it has been a decorative feature with its bright red, yellow, and blue from it's former life in the boy's room. Justin went out twice to check our new momma and baby, both did fine. I bought her a sweater ( it's chilly out!)- so I'll get some pictures of that this afternoon.

Big News!!!! It's a Girl!

I don't want to steal the thunder - but there was some big excitement at Loners Ridge this afternoon - and my husband was channelling Billy Crystal. Sarah, the doe I picked up just last week decided to bless us with a new baby. She is the first girl born at our house. The girl as yet to be named - in the picture with Justin - is about a hour old - looks pretty good doesn't she!

Not Encouraging when a Vulture stares into your Hospital room

Our hospital was built in what used to be an old pine and oak forest. Unfortunately, some creatures have not been able or willing to let go and move on to another area. This includes the local vultures. Normally, they congregate on the top floor balcony - which is the oncology floor. The hospital has tried a number of things to get rid of them, but they continue to perch there because it has an excellent view.

Today, though, I caught this guy peering into a patient's window on the med/surg floor.
I did go down to see if there was a patient in the room that he might have been flapping his wings at - but it turned out that he was only fussing at his own reflection and the room was empty.