global warming

Thanks to my girl Lora for this cute picture, though I noticed that apparently my new underwear aren't the most current version.

Natural Woman - well kind of

I finally took the plunge last night. About a year and a half ago, I colored my hair and it turned out kind of a brassy red. Unfortunatly, my hair doesn't grow fast, so the tips were still a bit brassy while the roots have come in brown - and gray then some got lightened by all my time outside. Four colors on one head - at least in their current proportions - just smacks of something unsavory. So last night, I decided I had some things that needed doing- and I bought haircolor in my natural shade ( and yes, Jerra, I took a snip of my hair an dcompared the roots with the box)- kind of a light brown - and then some highlighter to adjust the highlights that the sun gave me - and the ones leftover from last summer.

So this morning, I feel better somehow. I left my hair down, which I seldom do at work, but it feels good to like how it looks.

Last week I pretty much hit rock bottom, worried about my folks and all they are going through, problems with my youngest son, Justin still looking for permanent employment, disagreements with my middle son and my daughter running out of money when I didn't have any to give her. Then there was some drama with my ex, who, God bless his soul, didn't pay support for 17 years and now owes this huge debt. Well, Florida took away his driver's license until he can get some of it paid off - and he asked me to help out by saying that I had gotten money from him - even though I didn't. Add in a lack of help at work - through no one's fault - which made me skip lunch twice and still leave work late.

I didn't sleep well all week - then ended up getting sick and called into work. I never call in sick - I hate to leave my mess for someone else to deal with - so for me to actually call in sick - you know it had to be bad. Friday I decided enough was enough - and I went to the spa for a massage. Then I took a night off football practice to fold my laundry - which has not been put away properly in months - the pile was not pretty. And last night was the final bit - new underwear ( sorry TMI), new haircolor, and some Key Lime Pie for dinner. Okay - we had fruit and chicken and corn and black beans - but mostly we had pie.

And this morning, the sun seemed to shine a little brighter and I feel much better.

What do you get...

when you take an old set of wooden steps
a couple of 4 foot 2X4s
a 4 foot peice of left over plywood
some discarded wooden window trim
and a LOT of nails?

A new hay manger for the goats! They kept standing on the old one, until the 150 pounds of goat weight knocked it down. They LOVE alfalfa and Timoty grass hay - but they trample as much as the eat when I just put a bale out for them - so there has to be a manger to keep the hay dry and off the ground. So Justin, Jake and I nailed the steps to the frame and then placed the manger on top of the steps for support. The little goats now can reach the hay, the big goats have steps for standing on - instead of the little 2X2 frame - and the rain still stays out with the plywood cover.

We also introduced Yoshi to her new pen yesterday. I stood it up on end, tipped it over the fence into the goat pen, and then promptly set it down. The goats immediately hopped in and started nibbling the wood. We put Yoshi in the pen - and she was not impressed about bein picked up. In a great turn of events, when I fed Yoshi - who has been hogging everyone else's food for about a week now - the chickens descended on her plate and finished most of her dinner!

A little sensitivity please.

I saw an interview with Terri Irwin, who has been very brave in light of the glaring media coverage of her husband's death. It was heartbreaking as she recounted meeting her husband and saying it was "love at first sight". What a tragedy for true love to exist adn be lost - and in my humble estimation, that is one of the greatest tragedies ever. What saddens me, though is that she actually had to make a statement that the video of her husband's accident wouldn't be aired. Holy moley - who was the insensitive bean who even asked to air it? There is nothing to be gained other than morbid curiosity - especially since it was an accident - not a calculated risk like Mr. Irwin was known for.

It astonishes me that people cannot just let things be - have respect for others need for privacy and allow them some dignity. The poor woman has lost her husband and is faced with the daily task of raising two babies and running a business. I just had to say how astounded I was at her class in handling all of this - I don't think I would have been nearly as calm or polite about it.

Never a dull moment

Baby Mocha came to live at the Ridge last night. She was dropped off after her stint at the county fair petting zoo. Though, I don't have a good picture of her yet - this is a pretty good likeness of how she looks in my mind. It was raining last night, so her wool was all a mass of tiny ringlets as she happily walked about exploring her new home. What a beauty she is. She stayed with us on her first night ever - two months ago - slept wrapped up in my bed - promptly peed on me in the morning - and I have been looking forward to having her back ever since. She greeted me this morning as I came out to check on her - a bit taller, but still the same sweet face.

Birdie has been in the house all weekend - especially since the weather couldn't decide to be summer or fall. Since she was a preemie - she is disposed to pneumonia - but 5 days of Navajo Tea and Raw honey - some peppermint, some garlic and a shot of antibiotics later, she looks much better. Oh yea, and she is eating like a hog!

Speaking of hogs - Yoshi, the pot-bellied pig, got out of her pen about a week and a half ago. She was in heat and decided she didn't want to be alone. So we put her in with the goats. She is pretty happy about that - but her new favorite pastime is knocking over the 5 gallon waterers in the pens to make a mud bath. The ground is nice and muddy - but she isn't my favorite girl at the moment and the chickens think she's a pest.

We had a nice bonfire yesterday, right before the rain hit - and burned lots of branches which had fallen over the last several months. About an hour later, a new branch crashed through the spotlight I put up in August - sending dogs flying and glass shards everywhere. Ever try to use a broom and dustpan surrounded by herding dogs? Yep, it was a real photo opportunity missed.

In other news, two of our border collie boys got the snip over the weekend, and I listed them in the want ads to try to find them a home without chickens. Our girl Betty also got the snip, and oddly enough, a real sense of calm has come over her. I am hoping that she will put on a little weight now. She is still a bit food aggressive, since the people who had her didn't feed her every day, but she is getting better. It amazes me how nutrition plays such a big role - the boys came to us with demodectic mange, fleas, worms, and a really dull coat. Now they look shiny, if not fat, and all the skin has healed. The fleas are less - and the worms are gone. I joke with my friend who raises goats - that I seem to be developing a reputation - take that skinny animal to the chubby lady - she'll fatten them up!

Two years ago today

On the morning of September 20, 2004 I packed up three kids, two dogs and our suitcases and we moved here. Justin was worried about the emotional fall out, so he had arranged for us to stay at a long-term motel for a week. When I got to town, the hotel had been paid for and he was happy to have us - safe and sound. We were dazed - sleepless, tired and sore from trying to pack up our whole household in two days - and exhaustion had set in.

I remember feeling so cheated - I had given in duirng the divorce preceedings - and felt like I got ripped off. I had a good lawyer, but each time I had to call her, more money was lost - each item he argued with me about - cost more money - and in the end, I decided to save money and just let him have what he wanted. I had to give away my flock of ducks - take less than $500 in the settlement - after paying the lawyer - when I should have received several thousand and a house - and then being forced to leave a place and a family I loved - and people that I fit with.

I still don't feel like I fit exactly - I am not sure that it is a Southern thing - but more, the women I am surrounded by do things that I just don't understand - but that is a whole other issue. I have found a couple of friends here - and really, that is all a person needs.

So to date, everything has been restored that was taken from me, and more over, those things were replaced with better versions. I have my two acres back - only with a nicer house and fencing and woods. I have a husband - only this time, he actually loves me - what a concept. I have kids in good schools - and Bear even wrangled a scholarship - eliminating that whole problem of paying for college. I have fig, pecan, peach, plum, blueberry and cherry trees - replacing the cherry trees I lost. The boys have friends nearby and our house always has extra kids - and while I miss their friends in Indiana, the new friends are great. I cashed out the retirement that I put LOTS of money in while I was married to the Ogre - and that money paid for Bear's car and her housing at school, when the employment money ran out, there was a back up plan - this is so different from being with the Ogre where every expenditure was how he wanted it - and not spent on kids.

I wonder at times why God lets bad things happen to people who don't "deserve" it. I don't have an answer to that one - but I know that when He promises to make all things for teh Good of those who follow Him - He means it - my life bears that out every day. We discussed the existance of God at CCD this week - and I realize that He hasn't dropped me once, even when the day was dark two years ago today.

Thoughts for a Tuesday....

compliments of Steph's mom - and someone who doesn't know how to spell "lose" I don't need any loose weight...

Deep Subject for a Monday

Do you ever wonder what the end of the world will be like? I've seen the armageddon movies - and read Revelations, but I wonder. A good friend of mine used to read a lot about teh mystics in the Church - and St. Malachy predictions about how things would end. One of those included a supposed list, kept in the Vatican, which listed the names of all the popes. The story goes that this list ends with the extreme persecution that the pope after this current pope will lead the flock through- that he is the last of the line of St. Peter as vicar of Rome. I don't know if I believe all that, but the current scuffle between what was said and how the peaceloving faith of Islam has responded, got me thinking this morning.

There were other predictions, historically speaking. The children at Fatima were given three secrets which would be an indication that the end times were upon us. The last of which was a disturbing vision of the pope walking over the bodies of priests. The book I read about these secrets theorized that this was the sex scandal that rocked the Church not so many years ago. Of course, reading that a nun was murdered because of the Pope's remarks and Islamic terrorists taking out theri fury on her - makes me wonder if there is not more tragedy ahead.

There were repetitious messages - that the visions of Mary in Medjugoria, Fatima, Lourdes, and Guadelupe were an indication of urgency - that people needed to perk up and take notice. Some of the messages even say - I come to you more urgently than ever and ask you to pray.

Last night at CCD, we had a group discussion about how different the Christian view is from other views - how we see our world differently. The kids are amazing - talking about Buddhism, Mesopotamians, Egyptian gods, athiests - just amazingly deep for 15 year old kids. When we talked about there being present day martyrs - people who are killed because they will not renouce being Christian, they were astounded that such a thing still went on. If you are interested, you can pick up DC Talk's book Jesus Freaks. (Definitely worth the read.) The comment was made by a brown haired girl with braces who said being Catholic was pretty easy, and she didn't know what she'd do if she had to renounce her faith or die.

And I hope we never have to find out.

Heroes

Oddly enough, every profession has heroes - and nursing is no different. There was of course Florence Nightengale - but before her, there were centuries of wholistic healers in every culture - who looked at the body, mind and spirit to heal.

About 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to meet one of my heroes - and a comment from her son reveals that she is retiring this fall. I can hardly believe it. Shirley was a field nurse back in the itme where there wer few nurses and a lot of sick people who couldn't get into the clinics on the reservation. She did all kinds of medicine in the field - antibiotics, dressings, assessments - you name it.

Things I learned this week

1. It is WAY more difficult to be married to someone I genuinely like and respect because I can't just flip him off and walk away. Disagreements are just not the same when you actually have to discuss those difficult things and come up with a compromise.

2. When a Pyrenese/Newfoundland cross 40 pound puppy eats half a dozen whole eggs, it isn't pretty coming out the other end at 7am the next morning.

3. I have excellent muscle strength according to the chiropractor. Unfortunately, my big muscles are covered by a protective layer.

4. I can, in fact, follow a diet and practice what I preach for more than 7 days - 15 lbs gone.

5. A mop wedged in the door of the van, can in fact give me a concussion when I whack my head into it.

6. My house looks so much better after using hte new mop - even though my head still throbs from the whacking.

7. Strawberry daquaris are evil. The amount of hangover is directly proportionate to how great they tasted and the amount of rum hidden in the berry goodness.

8. I can in fact become to Tony Hillerman's mysteries, since they are set in the Lukachukai mountains and the area of the Navajo Reservation that I love. Now if only I could get all the girls to move back.

9. I rechecked my math - and all my kids will have graduated high school by 2013. That is freaking amazing - I will be 47.

10. Kitten Bob is incredibly strong. He pushed out the screen and was walking the windowsill above the pack of dogs waiting anxiously for him to miss step. I said strong - not smart.

Picture picture

We missed our Baby Garnet's baptism this weekend - but God love her, Steph sent us pictures! Here is Baby Garnet with her godparents - how cute is that little grin!

Here is a pic of Steph and Mark and baby Garnet at the New Mexico State fair - yep, this is why we're friends!















Last night, in honor of those who did not go quietly into the night - we watched Flight 93. It was profound - it was sad, but more importantly, it was as accurate a portrayal as they could make. The special features included shots of the actors meeting with the families of people on board that flight. They chose to fight - even knowing they might die - and I think that is what September 11 should be about - those people who want into the fire - who went the extra mile to be brave. Mourning has it's time, but I wonder if there will come a time where we commemorate the indominable spirit those people on the flight - those in the Pentagon, those in the port Authority and firemen and police and the zillions of others who stepped up when the need came. I hope that by the time my kids are grown, that will be what we celebrate - instead of letting the pain caused by terrorists continue to dominate the day.



My friend Amber still has Mocha at her house, since she isn't weaned yet. But weaning stars this week as our baby Mocha, the sheep, is on her way to the county fair. She will be a part of the petting zoo - so our girl is famous!

puzzling

If you have been reading for any length of time, you know there are particular qualities that are "loner" qualities. These include diligence sometimes to a fault, compassion, giving until you are out of money, honesty, pragmatism and above all, being true to your word.

I have a part of my family who have promised to help if I only ask for it.

I asked - the help was withheld.
I asked again.
Still nothing
When they say : how are things going?
I say they are rough, there has been trouble, I am exhausted, I need help
Still no help.
I gain 25 pounds, get dark rings and pimples, worry my parents, call and ask again
Still no help.

How many times must I ask before I flip them the bird and say forget it - giving up on this part of the family?

I am thinking of boycotting any further family events until things adjust because I am tired of being called "high strung". Of COURSE I sound high strung to them - I am pissed - I keep asking them to do something they said they would - and they don't! URGHHHH!

Added note - after the final blow last Monday - I wrote a note - still sitting in my drafts. And 12 of the 25 pounds are now gone.

The cycle of death and life and death and life again

No secret that I am a fan of the Women Who Run with the Wolves- it was the first time I realized that not all women were the perfect vision of class and grace that I had seen at high school - and those sorority girls I knew in college. It was the dawning of the knowledge that there was another way to be and that it was okay. Sorry - I'm rambling but if you are a woman who doesn't know why she doesn't fit - this book can be a real relief and teach you how to feed that wildness without becoming Janice Joplin.

There is a section that talks about life as a series of little deaths and new life. Over the last weeks, we have had several deaths - but also the surprise of a new baby duck. We lost beloved goats, but also saved the lives of four dogs and two kittens who would have otherwise been put down at the pound. The seeds I planted in my garden as a whim, have all come up and there are baby zucchini plants baby purple carrots, baby green beans and cayenne peppers and even some green chiles. All three kids like their new schools - quite the blessing when you think about the odds of that. Death may have started off this month, but it seems that the Life cycle has taken over.

Justin's house, though it has been on the market since February - and without occupant for well over 16 months - has not sold. We had one friend list it - with no result for three months. Then another friend listed it and another three months have passed, and this morning, Justin got an offer - and he grabbed it. It will not make us millionares - but it will be enough profit to build a deck off our bedroom and install that hot tub that dreams are made of. (okay, it will also increase the value of our house, but no one is complaining about the benefits of a hot tub after you have been carrying 50 pound bags of feed!)

A good friend offered her support and reminded us that God won't bring you to it unless He intends to bring you through it. We have been tired - tired of worrying about selling the house, about finances, about job hunting, about Bear at college. And there is a warm breee of reliefe as things seem to be easing up - a sudden awareness that there is no way a person can bear these burdens alone. God has moved us, taught us once again and just like any parent, teaching their children to walk to narrow path... we are nudged back in line, we are tested, pushed, prodded and finally following the path gets easier.

Calling Dr. Atkins...

I was reading my friend, AC yesterday. Seems we have been on the same downward spiral - letting a little bit of excess sneak into our diets. Well, for me, this has meant a hefty weight gain over the past six months, and I'm not a bitty girl to begin with. Part of it is trying to feed the bottomless pit of teenaged boys on a budget - but mostly, it was just laziness. It is so easy to finish a meal by putting in a big loaf or bread and some potatoes - viola! add meat and you have a meal.

Complicating things is the fact that I teach diabetes management -and prevention, much of which involves choosing healthier foods. And I have been preaching one thing and doing another. I firmly believe that if you could hunt it down, pick it in the forest or grow it in your garden, it is good for you - that food should look similar to how it looks growing outside to be good for you. So since macaroni and cheese doesn't grow in the garden, it should be consumed sparingly. I also know that there are nutrients and antioxidants that we don't even have names for yet and that those nutrients come out of the produce section. Traditional wisdom which encourages us to eat from the bounty of the land, is right.

So, starting today, I'm back to following my own gospel - cutting processed foods, cutting my carbs back, increasing my greens and healthy protiens. I bought fish and chicken, cheese, yogurt, and about twelve bags of frozen veggies - including asparagus. There is a big roast in the crock pot - just a little sea salt and pepper for seasoning - and it will probably be paired with some mixed vegetables and a big salad for dinner. ( I believe in frozen because it's fast!!!)

Funny, how easy it is to stop taking care of yourself when you are busy trying to take care of others. I tell moms this all the time - that we do a great job of mothering others, but we aren't too snazzy at caring for ourselves. So I will spare you before and after pictures, but I may post some recipes!

My girl Lora

Seems that divorce is in the air these days, as two of my favorite girls are going through the divorce drama. Lora had to move her site - and the new and improved one is here.

Stop by and show her some love...

There is nothing more brave than trying to move from what is comfortable into what is healthy. Though I dont' believe in divorce, and I think it is a terrible tragedy, sometimes it is necessary.

Are you tired of reading about tragedy yet?

After last week - which culminated, by the way, in finding one of our big goats, Monty, had been killed by one of those cute pups we rescued last month -after he hopped the fence Saturday night. Then Steve Irwin dies - and sappy as it sounds, I cried when I heard about it - and again when we talked about it last night. But he was a guy who embodied the very idea of doing what you love - regardless of what other people think about it. And once again, it reminded me how important it is to trust who we are and how we feel - those little whispers in the back of our minds that encourage us to go down one path or another - to keep growing and exploring until we find who we were meant to be.

We are given what we need - people who show up when we need a shoulder, a smile at just the right moment, access to the great thinkers of the centuries to help us answer those big why questions, water to cleanse adn refresh - and drop the temperature - and medicines from the earth. It seems we are just surrounded by good things - if only we open our eyes to the wonders - and recognize what has been given to us.

So I believe in elderberry leaves for shock, in garlic and rue for worms and viruses, in rasperry leaves for tonic, in raw honey's antiviral properties and good bourbon to sooth a cough.

And I believe that miracles happen all the time, we just have to keep looking for them.

Another tree

The world seems to be spinning off kilter this week.

Monday I was so sick I didn't go to work - something that happens really rarely
Tuesday, I found one of our new red hens dead and my dad had to restart chemo.
Wednesday, Justin got the mystery call from his boss and Josh got detention
Thursday, Justin took our three kittens to be neutered, and then got the real call that he was being let go from the job he was going to quit anyway - and the boss isn't goign to pay him.
Friday, first thing, Justin found our little goat Luke who was one of our indoor babies, cold and dead in the goat pen. No sign of what happened to him exactly - and we are left with a broken heart

So for lunch today, I am off to buy another tree to bury our dear friend beneath.