Threads of my Old Life

I liked living in Indiana - loved the winters when the ground was covered in snow, even when I had to shovel it, loved going to the zoo with my kids as babies and talking to the bears and the penguins, loved watching the Indians play and the decadence of beer and hot dogs as dinner, loved the buzz of Broad Ripple on a Friday night and the comfort of driving into Logansport crossing the Eel River and feeling like somehow the core of being home was just over that bridge.

I knew good people when I lived there - giving back to the community was a way of life - and I have been blessed by some friends here who have that same attitude.  But I have always liked how we take care of each other back home. I have friends who have gone to the same parish since they were kids and don't think twice about getting out their checkbook or opening up their calendar to pitch in. I like that - because that is the way I am too.

I remember when we came here and then when Mom sold the lake house in Buffalo, that I thought there would never be a day that I would go back to Indiana. Shows what I know.

And now I find myself putting together the threads of my old life - old friends contacted through the magic of Facebook make it seem so much closer to my old life than it had ever been before. I realize that I cut those threads, though, all by myself.  I have a bit of wanderlust, but that wasn't the whole thing.  Once I had kids in my early 20s and all of my schoolmates did not, I felt like a third wheel and just stopped hanging out with the people I can't wait to see now. I cut those ties by not returning calls and not going to events that I know now I should have attended - those ties are important. What do we know when we are that young - not as much as we should!

I am so excited because I have cousins who are just a couple years older than my kids who are having babies themselves - our reunion over Labor Day will be chock full of babies - can hardly wait! I've missed out and I don't want to miss out any more.

Which leads me to the point of all this - the waiting.
There are a number of threads which have not just wound neatly to form the rope to pull me home.  A couple of legal entanglements, a house to sell, a transfer to acquire- these seem like such big items.  But I realized this weekend that fussing over these is a matter of Faith.  If I really believe that God watches over me and that this is His Plan for my life, can I also believe that He would leave me hanging to just trudge through this alone?  Um, no. I hate the waiting, but I know that sometimes navigating sticky situations requires a patience that I don't have inherently, so I have to squint my eyes and concentrate on being patient and trudging along. I am determined to keep packing, keep pushing forward, keep listening until it is truly time to go. 

And that is where I find myself right now: with a distant view of a new life that will incorporate the most beautiful aspects of my old life. One that will require me to stay the course and keep getting my house ready to sell, my kids ready to be on their own and my heart ready to live with the love of my life.  No small tasks - but since God will help me because I am helping myself, I know that it will be okay.