Don't worry, when the next problem comes along, it will be so much worse, that you'll forget all about this.

Life certainly is a struggle, isn't it. A series of mountains - and when you finally climb one, there seems to be another to climb. Justin's struggle to find a job, Jerra's struggle to find a better job and get through another semester when her life seems to be here, Josh's struggle to become the young man he is destined to be, and Jake - the hardest fighter of all of us. He struggles each day to try to be normal, when he certainly doesn't feel normal. He struggles to fit in, to pay attention, to get his schoolwork done - and compared to his struggle, my little daily trials don't seem like much. I think that God gave him to me to help teach me thankfulness - and patience. Both of which I need reminders about frequently. I have been trying to stop reacting and being more proactive about things - trying to head them off before they become a problem - trusting my instincts.

Isn't it funny how the person you are at 40 isn't at all who you thought you'd be? I was looking over the weekend at my spa$e and found some folks I went to high school with. Funny how the guys seem to still look the same, even some 20 years later. I wonder what the 17 year old version of me would think of the present version. I don't know. What I do know is that each day, it seems I learn more about how things work, how to handle people who are purposely cruel, and most importantly how to apologize quickly when I am an ass. Eh, it happens more often than I would like to admit. darnit.

I still have this undeniable feeling, though, like there is something else I should be doing, but I don't know what that is. It seems like there are so many people who are out there hurting and I wish there was a way to help in a more tangible way - though I guess saying a prayer for them is better than nothing. I got online last night and did some catching up on blogs. People are really struggling - with their jobs, with their kids, with sobriety, with abstainance, with who they are and who they want to be. I wish there was a magic answer, and that there was something aI could say other than: I lived through it, I know how much it cuts, and what kind of scar it will leave - but you will live. I wish there was a balm to sooth it and bring peace - but there is only the strength in scar tissue, the salt of the tears I cry for people I don't even know, and the hope that all things work for good for those who love the Lord - and for those who are learning to.