The Night I Became Joe Loner, by his grandaughter

We have a phrase among the family, used to decscribe those moments when logic overtakes gentility, and a person says what needs to be said, even if it is a bit offensive. These moments are often wrought with high emotion - but they are moments of truth. We call it beign " Joe Loner". My grandfather was a bright man, worked with his hands most of his life. He married a Scottish Protestant - a Stewart no less - whose family disowned her and her 9 kids because she had deigned to marry a Catholic. Quite the story, though off topic at the moment.

I went to church last night for a meeting of the teachers of Religious Education ( CCD for us old timers). I am new to this parish, but volunteered for a couple of ministries to get to know the other families. During the course of the meeting, some problems were discussed - and much to my dismay - all of the solutions were punative. I was sitting back, and saying - "hey God, I offered to help, but I wanted a place of sanctity - and this isn't it. I think this is a mistake"

Well, He doesn't take these comments easily.

A man infront of me interjected after a particularly heated interlude, saying that his experience had been that we get more results with honey than with vinegar. A couple of people poo pood him.

Then Joe Loner took over. I raised my hand, looked directly at the priest and said ( something like this) I am new to this parish, but I know that there are lots of parishes who have managed to balance coffee and donuts with CCD. There are ways to reach an amicable solution. All I know is that so far all I have heard is punishment and discipline. We are here to teach the kids about being Christian - and I don't hear anything about love and mercy and patience and acceptance. I realize this is important, but do we really want to show the kids that being Christians means being punative? I don't.

Father looked me right back and said: well, young lady, if you can come up with a positive solution, have at it.

I have taken that as a personal challenge, just as my grandfather - or my folks would have.

I believe God doesn't put us anywhere by accident - that things are tied together for a reason. But just like those who came before me, my idea of what I can handel and His, don't always match.

Let the coffee and donuts begin!

It is time

Well, football season is upon us
things are starting to settle down
So it is time to start using all that lumber and paint we have lying around

I toured the new hospital yesterday - our system is expanding - and I was just inspired.
The designer has used about five different shades of hardwood, granite and sandstone, frosted glass with designs like twigs, and greens and blues and earth tones in such a way that you almost feel like you are walking through an outdoor pavillion in the woods - rather than through a hospital.

So inspiration has finally struck - and I know what I want in my own house - the feel of nature the greens and blues and muted colors that are so comforting outside.

So this weekend, I am starting with the kids bathroom - a room that time forgot somewhere back in the 70s. The old rusty wall heater comes out - the wallpaper goes out - and lush green paint - a new shower curtain and new mirror comes in. I am so EXCITED about having something fun to do - that will have such a positive impact!

The smelly blue carpet is next....

The Scene

in other news - if you want to see some updated Ridge pics, my hubby updated over at the Scenes - stupid USB cable still isn't working - and neither is the replacement - so they are pics from his camera. More to follow!

Love Always Wins

This weekend my friend, Dale, gave a sermon at his church called Out of the Depths. If you have ever struggled and wondered "why", take a moment and read what he has written.

Sometimes I feel like I am a bit preachy here - but my faith is so terribly important to me - that of course that shows here as well.

You see, God pursued me, relentlessly. Rich Mullins used to describe God as being obsessed with us - creating us to love Him, and giving us free will so that we could choose to love Him back - or walk away. He brought me home safe many nights when I had no business driving - gave me wonderful children so that I would learn what love really is -saved me from someone who wanted to kill me - and even after I had sinned against him - and my kids - and my family - He took me back, each time. There was never the bright lightening bolt - like on the road to Damascus, but there were events - a series of coincidences and blessings that were unmistakably orchestrated by someone who loved me.

I have work to do, so I'll have to finish this thought later - but take a moment and see what Dale had to say.

oops my inner wild girl is showing!

My husband just called, seems our friends inherited tickets to go see Cinderella and Poison in concert downtown. They offered the tickets to us. So this evening, we will be relishing the company of others, strolling down memory lane, remembering a time when these guys were young - and so were we. Cheers to 80s hair bands.

Missing my baby...

Yesterday, my friend sent her son off to school for teh first time. Listening to her talk about her baby made me miss the time when I had little bitty kids - and this song keeps running through my head - It is from the new Dixie Chicks album:

They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

Lullaby, Dixie Chicks 2006

Before Dawn

I am not sure what sadist came up with the brilliant idea that high school here should start promptly at 7am, but let me tell ya, getting up each day at 6 to get Josh to school - well, I could live without that. Josh has been a trooper - getting up a couple of days without my help at all.

Don't get me wrong, I am a morning person - I love being up and getting things done before the rest of the crew is awake - I normally hit megamart Saturday morning by about 7:30 to avoid the crowds. But 6am is now before dawn - and about 6:15 the rooster starts in- and the naughty dog, Bear starts barking for breakfast - and it is a bit too early for all this activity.

What do you think?

I did a bit of surfing yesterday - not the literal kind, but linking on to new people who had made interesting comments on the folks I normally read. In doing this, I happened upon a comment that was a bit terse, and I decided to see what the blog was like. I am not sure if what I happened upon was a real blog - where a person was venting the "not so beautiful parts" of their feelings - or if it was made up. But it was the comments that slayed me. They were nasty - full of piss and vinegar because the things this person was expressing were not filled with goodness and light. Whether or not it was real seems irrelevant to me - this is supposed to be a place where we can vent - and dream - and create - and find other souls who think and feel and love. It makes me wonder if someone found my other blog - the place where I write down the ugly thoughts and fears that are not for public consumption - what they would think of me - without the mask of propriety - with my secrets showing. Being human means we are both darkness and light - and that we go through times where what we think isn't pretty - but does that give us the right to pounce on someone - man, I hope not.

Trouble

What I had hoped was the beginning of the end of my dad's saga with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, has hit a snag. Here is his note:

Well, the league office (Mayo Clinic) made some major changes in our playing schedule. They have sent us back to training camp for more work with Coach before we start our season schedule. After the two salvage chemo treatments in Indiana, there is still too much cancer remaining for a Bone Marrow Transplant (BMT) to be effective. Sooooo, it's back to Indiana and at least one, maybe two more rounds of two-a-day drills (chemo) with Coach. So the BMT has been delayed for several months. Yippee, we'll get to start the season at the beginning of a Minnesota winter - sounds great! Pat and I will be returning to Indiana this Fri - don't know yet when chemo starts, but it will be soon. It's somewhat of a letdown after all the preparations, but the "Lord's will be done". Thanks for all of your prayers and support - and keep them coming. Through all this there is some great news - last Sunday shortly after arriving at the Gift For Life Transplant House here at Mayo, I was watching Tiger brush over the other golfers at the PGA, and sat next to a fellow (in his 40's) named Andy. Andy is from North Carolina and has been here for 4.5 months waiting for a heart and liver transplant - both need to come from the same donor. Well lo & behold, Andy received word late this afternoon that a donor had been found. The whole house lined up in the hallway as he left and gave him a rousing sendoff to the hospital. His surgery is scheduled for 7am in the morning. The Lord works in strange ways. Maybe I can get a few more rounds of golf in before the snow flies. See ya

I have been reading a book called All Is Well, a conglomeration of quotes and insights. Of course, as I was going to copy a quote, the book has vanished from my nightstand. What I found interesting was a quote about suffering. It said that God allows those people who have the potential to obtain sainthood to suffer. He gives them opportunities to test their mettle - strengthening their character and their faith. When I read it I thought maybe that is why we seem to be so immersed in trials right now - and why overall our lives are happy, but these trials just keep bringing negativity into our lives. Who knows.... I have decided that someday, after I breathe my last breath, I will ask Him - why must You test us if You can already see our hearts? Why do the evil prosper and the good struggle? Why are we so prideful and hell-bent on doing things that hurt ourselves and others? I have a lot of questions - though I am not in that big of a hurry to have them answered, I sure would like to know what we are supposed to be learning from all the trouble.

Why we say "til death do us part"

It occurred to me that over the past couple of weeks - well months actually - it had been getting harder and harder to be married. Since I seem to be hell bent on being "coordinator of the universe" I am sure that I have been no picnic to live with. Add in daughter of to college, Dad off to Mayo Clinic, Mom having to shoulder much of the load alone, worries about the boys and ... well you get the picture.

While I was thinking about this, it came to me. There is a reason that we make a promise for forever: because otherwise when the newness wore off we would be running for the next new love- or running for the hills! Being married is hard, even when you are a good match for each other. It is expected that even in a marriage of mutual respect, there will be days that you want to bop your spouse over the head and clear up their thinking - and it takes awhile before you realize it is okay to feel that way. You cannot always control how you feel, but you can control what you do about it. It is hard to say the things that need to be said - to provide constructive criticism for each other when all you really want to do is lash out.

Oddly enough, I was reminded that there is a list for what love looks like in action: patient, kind, never jealous, never boastful - rejoicing in the truth. Being committed to each other is committing to a life of service - because there are no guarantees of jobs or health or money or time. We just have to the best we can with what we have. Rather than focusing on what we wanted - it seems much more healthy to focus on what we have before us. I just needed to write this for myself - as a reminder that I am blessed to have found someone who loves me and my kids enough to tolerate me, and in a selfish vein, I am blessed to have found someone that I cherish enough to keep trying to fix things - so that eventually our story will end: and they lived happily ever after.