Much as I would like to still be the girl that could stay up all night long - last night I discovered that I need to eat dinner and be in bed way before midnight.
We went to see Tammy at a Moroccan restaurant last night. She had her public belly dancing debut - and she was great. Some day maybe I will be able to get back to classes - but that is another story.
There were several amateur groups who danced, women of all colors and shapes and ages, and they are all beautiful. Lots of shimmery costumes and coin wraps. I did see a pair of harem pants that I am going to duplicate so that if I ever do get backto class, I can wear them.
The main dancer, who gets paid to do this, was astounding - moving with such grace - even when doing the more complicated dances with fire and a sword. Very impressive. Tammy knew her and she spent considerable time shaking what the good Lord gave her just above Tammy's husband - but it was all in good fun. Seriously, if I had a nice flat belly again, I would SO wear that little outfit.
We waited until Tammy's group was done dancing - which meant we didn't order until after 9, and between being seated at 7 and dinnertime, we enjoyed a couple of drinks. tempting to have a third, but the idea of teaching class this morning hung over was distateful enough that it won out over the desire for another drink. I has something called a Marakesh - which had strawberry liquor and Grand Mariner. Justin found a drink with sambuca - and it tasted like a licorice jelly bean - very dangerous.
Moroccan food is just wonderful - lots of sweet cinnamon dishes, several well spiced savory salads and dinner was cornish hen with almonds and honey and carmelized onions - and some spices I couldn't identify. Fresh Baklava finished the meal - nothing like the stuff I have been getting at the store - with phyllo and walnuts so fresh they were still crunchy. The remainder is on tap for lunch today.
By the time we finished dinner with our morrocan mint tea and fruit compote, it was nearly midnight. It was a long drive home - note to self: don't get in deep discussions on the way home after eating late and consuming two drinks.
This morning - I NEED A NAP really badly - but instead I am getting ready to teach class. Hope I can crank it up!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Made my day
This morning a rep who comes to see us about once a month, came into the office. It just so happens that he also calls on the place where I applied to be the program director about a month ago - you know - the one where I was all excited and then didn't get the job offer.
What I didn't know was that one of the people who interviewed me - works with him. And I thought she was really tough - the one person I didn't impress -and instead, I found out she really liked me and wanted them to hire me. How cool is that?
Now I have accepted that I may not, in fact, ever get that job, but it really felt good to know that my perception of how great those folks are - and what a good vibe I got from them was mutual.
You just never know.
What I didn't know was that one of the people who interviewed me - works with him. And I thought she was really tough - the one person I didn't impress -and instead, I found out she really liked me and wanted them to hire me. How cool is that?
Now I have accepted that I may not, in fact, ever get that job, but it really felt good to know that my perception of how great those folks are - and what a good vibe I got from them was mutual.
You just never know.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Restless
I don't know if it is the season - or the job - or the trip to Indiana - or just my need for change, but I'm restless again.
I am struggling - with worry, with decisions about whether or not we are doing the right thing - whether or not this is the right place - whether I want to stay where I am - or if moving back to Indiana would be a blessing.
They are building the hospital that was cancelled months before I left - and there will be more opportunities there. I could find 5 or 10 acres and maybe even an old farm house in the school district where the kids were before.
We drove by the Ogre's place, and it seems that he has moved - hard to tell if that is permanent, but if he were gone, moving back home would be even more tempting.
Or I could bloom where I am planted and keep the kids stable where they are - which is probably what I will end up doing.
But after going home this time, I realize that I miss it and now I am restless. Man, I hate that.
I am struggling - with worry, with decisions about whether or not we are doing the right thing - whether or not this is the right place - whether I want to stay where I am - or if moving back to Indiana would be a blessing.
They are building the hospital that was cancelled months before I left - and there will be more opportunities there. I could find 5 or 10 acres and maybe even an old farm house in the school district where the kids were before.
We drove by the Ogre's place, and it seems that he has moved - hard to tell if that is permanent, but if he were gone, moving back home would be even more tempting.
Or I could bloom where I am planted and keep the kids stable where they are - which is probably what I will end up doing.
But after going home this time, I realize that I miss it and now I am restless. Man, I hate that.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
"Holy Shit"
Yes, that is exactly what my mom said when she realized that not only was I on the phone with her, but that I was actually in Reihle Brothers, right in front of her. We left VERY early( read alarme going off at 4am) yesterday to surprise my mom and got to the pub just in time.
It was a long drive, the boys forgot the converter to the Playstation - so you can imagine the joy of driving 10 hours.
We did stop off for a phenomenal lunch at Arbys - since we had dispensation for St. Patrick's day and it is amazing that a good lunch can cover a multitude of trials during the day.
Then the pub - bigpipers, a boxing match in the back area of the bar, pool tables, darts and a wealth of relatives and thier kids. It was just spendid. I had corned beef, new potatoes and cabbage - and it was grand. Thank God that I married a man who tolerates my impulsivity - it seems to be working out.
My dad did a good job with the surprise, calling me once we got up to Buffalo to see if I was on my way, and pretending it was one of his tutoring students. Pretty funny.
Bear stayed behind this trip - to feed and water the animals and to work - but she was missed.
After a breakfast of blueberry pancakes and bacon, we are back home this afternoon. It was a flying trip - but totally worth the effort. Hope your St Pats was spelndid!
It was a long drive, the boys forgot the converter to the Playstation - so you can imagine the joy of driving 10 hours.
We did stop off for a phenomenal lunch at Arbys - since we had dispensation for St. Patrick's day and it is amazing that a good lunch can cover a multitude of trials during the day.
Then the pub - bigpipers, a boxing match in the back area of the bar, pool tables, darts and a wealth of relatives and thier kids. It was just spendid. I had corned beef, new potatoes and cabbage - and it was grand. Thank God that I married a man who tolerates my impulsivity - it seems to be working out.
My dad did a good job with the surprise, calling me once we got up to Buffalo to see if I was on my way, and pretending it was one of his tutoring students. Pretty funny.
Bear stayed behind this trip - to feed and water the animals and to work - but she was missed.
After a breakfast of blueberry pancakes and bacon, we are back home this afternoon. It was a flying trip - but totally worth the effort. Hope your St Pats was spelndid!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Saint Patrick - the Man behind the Myth
Saint Patrick of Ireland
Died 460-464
March 17
Also known as: Maewyn Succat; Apostle of Ireland; Patricius; Patrizio Profile Kidnapped from the British mainland around age 16, and shipped to Ireland as a slave. Sent to the mountains as a shepherd, he spent his time in prayer. After six years of this life, he had a dream in which he received a command to return to Britain; seeing it as a sign, he escaped. Studied in continental monasteries. Priest. Bishop. Sent by Pope Saint Celestine to evangelize England, then Ireland, during which his chariot driver was Saint Odran, and Saint Jarlath was one of his spiritual students. In 33 years he effectively converted Ireland. In the Middle Ages Ireland became known as the Land of Saints, and during the Dark Ages its monasteries were the great repositories of learning in Europe, all a consequence of Patrick's ministry.
Born: 387-390 at Scotland as Maewyn Succat
Died: 461-464 at Saul, County Down, Ireland
Canonized: Pre-Congregation
Name Meaning: warlike (Succat - pagan birth name); noble (Patricius - baptismal name) Patronage: against snakes, archdiocese of Boston Massachusetts, diocese of Burlington Vermont, engineers, excluded people, fear of snakes, diocese of Fort Worth, Texas, diocese of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Ireland, archdiocese of New York, Nigeria, diocese of Norwich, Connecticut, diocese of Portland, Maine, diocese of Sacramento, California, snake bites
Representation: bishop driving snakes before him; bishop trampling on snakes; shamrock; snakes; cross; harp; demons; baptismal font
Saint Patrick used the shamrock to describe the trinity as three parts making up one whole.
Readings: I came to the Irish people to preach the Gospel and endure the taunts of unbelievers, putting up with reproaches about my earthly pilgrimage, suffering many persecutions, even bondage, and losing my birthright of freedom for the benefit of others. If I am worthy, I am ready also to give up my life, without hesitation and most willingly, for Christ's name. I want to spend myself for that country, even in death, if the Lord should grant me this favor. It is among that people that I want to wait for the promise made by him, who assuredly never tells a lie. He makes this promise in the Gospel: "They shall come from the east and west and sit down with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob." This is our faith: believers are to come from the whole world.
from the Confession of Saint Patrick
Prayer of Saint Patrick from his Breastplate
Christ shield me this day:
Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every person who thinks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I miss my friend
I have a friend of nearly 12 years who doesn't call me back anymore.
I am not sure exactly what happened, or why she doesn't call me, but a post I read yesterday about a friend who offered to help her friend who was in an abusive relationship - and then was cut off - reminded me about this situation.
She is a great person, who often times doesn'e see her worth. She got married several years ago to a man that I like, but their relationship has not been healthy for a long time and I think she settled.
The last time I talked to her was back in September. She had needed $500, and I sent it to her as she assured me it was a loan. You should never loan money to a friend, always give it with the expectation that it is gone. This is not the first time I have given her money, and frankly, I don't even know how much money is involved anymore. But that isn't really the point.
I think that she is upset because I asked her to call Dan-the-Ogre's house to make sure that he was in Indiana. We had a couple of goats who were shot, and I was afraid that he had found us. There was no way I was going to risk being found out, if he hadn't already found us, so I asked her to call from Indianapolis. She never did - and I left her a message and told her that it really hurt me.
So whether it is the debt - or the fact that I asked her to do something uncomfortable - or something I still don't understand - she won't return my calls.
I am not sure exactly what happened, or why she doesn't call me, but a post I read yesterday about a friend who offered to help her friend who was in an abusive relationship - and then was cut off - reminded me about this situation.
She is a great person, who often times doesn'e see her worth. She got married several years ago to a man that I like, but their relationship has not been healthy for a long time and I think she settled.
The last time I talked to her was back in September. She had needed $500, and I sent it to her as she assured me it was a loan. You should never loan money to a friend, always give it with the expectation that it is gone. This is not the first time I have given her money, and frankly, I don't even know how much money is involved anymore. But that isn't really the point.
I think that she is upset because I asked her to call Dan-the-Ogre's house to make sure that he was in Indiana. We had a couple of goats who were shot, and I was afraid that he had found us. There was no way I was going to risk being found out, if he hadn't already found us, so I asked her to call from Indianapolis. She never did - and I left her a message and told her that it really hurt me.
So whether it is the debt - or the fact that I asked her to do something uncomfortable - or something I still don't understand - she won't return my calls.
Morning...
I had quite the night - after teaching insulin pump patients, we usually talk to them a couple of times throughout the night - checking in at midnight and 3am. So I stayed up until midnight - and woke again at 3:30 and for some unknown reason again at 5:30. Dang it.
Needless to say, I was not the most alert girl this morning - and I left my wallet on the couch.
Kind of hard to buy lunch when you leave your wallet on the couch!
So I called home and got a sleepy Bear - I love, by the way, that at 18 she still says I love you when she hangs up the phone. I am one lucky girl.
Then, my husband calls, God bless him. "Do you want me to bring you Bubba's" It takes my wee brain only a second to say a resounding yes. Thank you Lord, for Your gift of Chicken biscuits and Diet Coke.
By 8:30 I have had my biscuit( actually I ate teh chicken, skipped the biscuit - all that white flour and carbs), checked in on all my pump patients both of whom did beautifully, and decided that I will probably take Friday morning off since I don't have any patients - just to putter around the house a bit.
As a side note, we rented Just Friends, a movie I loved in the theater. I will say that it is not my normal fare - there is a language issue - so unfortunately I can't let Jake watch it. But the movie is based on the collective lives of three guys, all of whom were in love with a girl who wanted them to just be friends. If you have ever been in the friend zone - you will appreciate the humor. Get the DVD version and watch the special features - I laughed so hard that I was crying. What a funny show - since the story is so easy to identify with.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Come over and play
The quiz from my mom - Just what I needed today - I'll have to find some more fun things to do - I have done most all of these already! Leave me a comment if you playe along. Place an X by all the things you've done, or remove
the x from the ones you have not.
This is for your entire life:
(x )Smoked a cigarette....
(x) Drank so much you threw up
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
(x) Been in lust
( X) Been dumped.
( X) danced alone
(x) Been laid off/fired
(x) Quit your job
( X) Been in a fist fight
( X ) Snuck out of your parent's house
(X ) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(X ) Been arrested?
(X ) Gone on a blind date
(X ) Lied to a friend.
( X ) Skipped school
( X ) Seen someone die
(x ) Been to Canada
(x ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(X ) Been on the opposite side of the country
() Gone to Washington, DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(X ) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x ) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
( X) Sang karaoke
(x ) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
(X ) Made prank phone calls...
( X ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
(x ) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about or love.
(x) Blown bubbles
(x ) Made a bonfire on the beach
(X ) Crashed a party
(x) Gone roller-skating
(x) Ice-skating
( ) Done a "dine-n-dash
2. Any nicknames? Tack
3. Mother's name? Pat
4. What is your favorite drink? Kahlua& milk&vanilla vodka - mom you are missing out!
5.Tattoos? None
6. Body piercing? ears
8. How much do you love your job? love it
9. Birthplace: Southfield Michigan
10. Favorite vacation spot? Arizona/New Mexico
11. Ever been to Africa? No
12. Ever steal any traffic signs? No
13. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
14. A, B, C, D, DD cup size? D
15. 2 Door or 4 Door? 4 door
16. Salad dressing? Honey French
17. Favorite pie? Lemon meringue and Key Lime
18. Favorite number? 6
19. Favorite movie? French Kiss
20. Favorite holiday? Christmas
22. Favorite food? chocolate and Coke Zero - tied
23. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
24. Favorite brand of body soap? Burts Bees Citrus Spice
25. Favorite TV show? NFL Football - haven't watched TV since the superbowl!
26. Toothpaste? Crest vanilla mint
27. Favorite smell? Justin in the morning, cut grass
28. What do you do to relax? Dig in the dirt
29. Message to your friends reading this? Don't be sorry, behave.
30. How do you see yourself in 10 years? well, through a looking glass of course
31. What do you do when you are bored? What is bored?
the x from the ones you have not.
This is for your entire life:
(x )Smoked a cigarette....
(x) Drank so much you threw up
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
(x) Been in lust
( X) Been dumped.
( X) danced alone
(x) Been laid off/fired
(x) Quit your job
( X) Been in a fist fight
( X ) Snuck out of your parent's house
(X ) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(X ) Been arrested?
(X ) Gone on a blind date
(X ) Lied to a friend.
( X ) Skipped school
( X ) Seen someone die
(x ) Been to Canada
(x ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(X ) Been on the opposite side of the country
() Gone to Washington, DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(X ) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x ) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
( X) Sang karaoke
(x ) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
(X ) Made prank phone calls...
( X ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
(x ) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about or love.
(x) Blown bubbles
(x ) Made a bonfire on the beach
(X ) Crashed a party
(x) Gone roller-skating
(x) Ice-skating
( ) Done a "dine-n-dash
2. Any nicknames? Tack
3. Mother's name? Pat
4. What is your favorite drink? Kahlua& milk&vanilla vodka - mom you are missing out!
5.Tattoos? None
6. Body piercing? ears
8. How much do you love your job? love it
9. Birthplace: Southfield Michigan
10. Favorite vacation spot? Arizona/New Mexico
11. Ever been to Africa? No
12. Ever steal any traffic signs? No
13. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
14. A, B, C, D, DD cup size? D
15. 2 Door or 4 Door? 4 door
16. Salad dressing? Honey French
17. Favorite pie? Lemon meringue and Key Lime
18. Favorite number? 6
19. Favorite movie? French Kiss
20. Favorite holiday? Christmas
22. Favorite food? chocolate and Coke Zero - tied
23. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
24. Favorite brand of body soap? Burts Bees Citrus Spice
25. Favorite TV show? NFL Football - haven't watched TV since the superbowl!
26. Toothpaste? Crest vanilla mint
27. Favorite smell? Justin in the morning, cut grass
28. What do you do to relax? Dig in the dirt
29. Message to your friends reading this? Don't be sorry, behave.
30. How do you see yourself in 10 years? well, through a looking glass of course
31. What do you do when you are bored? What is bored?
Questions, Mr Wayne,.... too Many Questions
My hackles would rise, if I had them, to the idea that there is a way a woman is "supposed" to be
It infuriates me that day after day I am dissatisfied
My hips are too broad, my brows too thin,
My house is messy, my kids are loud,
I forgot to shave my legs and I wore a skirt
And yet when I am still, in church, standing before God
I know that He loves me - and I don't deserve it
What is it in our society, in our rearing that tell us that what we are is not enough?
And who decided what "enough" is - some Hollywood airbrushed model ( who is also miserable by the way, only she can afford better drugs)
Would a smaller waistline make me a better nurse?
Why is it that a human life has less value than a wrist watch?
We pay hundreds of dollars to buy a dog, but don't even flinch when hear about people dying on the news.
Why do we always want what we can't have and dream of better things?
I have more stuff - but it still needs to be put away.
Why do we feel it is appropriate to sit in judgement over someone else's life?
Why do I feel like I still have to apologize for something stupid I did in my twenties - that is ridiculous - and I can't go back and fix it.
Would behaving properly have made me a better mother? Would it have been honest?
Why do we feel alone when surrounded by others?
and who decided that working moms should have to work two full time jobs?
And why do people get so caught up in who is getting the short end that they are willing to throw away a committment to love each other forever?
Why do some people get genes that make them able to match their clothes and decorate their homes and organize things like in a magazine - but others of us able to create, but unable to recognize a mess if we walked through it.
I just have a lot of questions today - and maybe it is only the full moon, but I just feel unsettled.
It infuriates me that day after day I am dissatisfied
My hips are too broad, my brows too thin,
My house is messy, my kids are loud,
I forgot to shave my legs and I wore a skirt
And yet when I am still, in church, standing before God
I know that He loves me - and I don't deserve it
What is it in our society, in our rearing that tell us that what we are is not enough?
And who decided what "enough" is - some Hollywood airbrushed model ( who is also miserable by the way, only she can afford better drugs)
Would a smaller waistline make me a better nurse?
Why is it that a human life has less value than a wrist watch?
We pay hundreds of dollars to buy a dog, but don't even flinch when hear about people dying on the news.
Why do we always want what we can't have and dream of better things?
I have more stuff - but it still needs to be put away.
Why do we feel it is appropriate to sit in judgement over someone else's life?
Why do I feel like I still have to apologize for something stupid I did in my twenties - that is ridiculous - and I can't go back and fix it.
Would behaving properly have made me a better mother? Would it have been honest?
Why do we feel alone when surrounded by others?
and who decided that working moms should have to work two full time jobs?
And why do people get so caught up in who is getting the short end that they are willing to throw away a committment to love each other forever?
Why do some people get genes that make them able to match their clothes and decorate their homes and organize things like in a magazine - but others of us able to create, but unable to recognize a mess if we walked through it.
I just have a lot of questions today - and maybe it is only the full moon, but I just feel unsettled.
Hombre del Alma
When a woman is starved for what nourishes her soul, she will feed on anything that provides a fullness in her belly. I learned that from Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of Women who Run with the Wolves. When we starve, we go to excesses.
I have been doing a lot of introspection lately, and it isn't always good to do that.
I gained 10 pounds over the last few months - and yes, stress does increase your cortisol - and your addiction to chocolate for the seratonin boost alone. I am bone tired.
I have been thinking a lot about college, since my own daughter is headed there. Thinking about people I encountered - people I loved - and how my life was changed there. It was a difficult time for me - though there were some good times, there were a lot of things I am not proud of.
I keep dreaming about things that happened nearly 20 years ago - and I wonder why I have the audacity to keep punishing myself for things I did FOREVER ago. It is just exasperating.
I have been doing a lot of introspection lately, and it isn't always good to do that.
I gained 10 pounds over the last few months - and yes, stress does increase your cortisol - and your addiction to chocolate for the seratonin boost alone. I am bone tired.
I have been thinking a lot about college, since my own daughter is headed there. Thinking about people I encountered - people I loved - and how my life was changed there. It was a difficult time for me - though there were some good times, there were a lot of things I am not proud of.
I keep dreaming about things that happened nearly 20 years ago - and I wonder why I have the audacity to keep punishing myself for things I did FOREVER ago. It is just exasperating.
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